


Crossing the line

by EllaMoon



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Jealousy, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-19 12:00:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 76,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7360594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaMoon/pseuds/EllaMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa were best friends since the elementary school. Since then, they grew up with each other and shared everything. Their arrival in Polis University where they share a dorm mark the continuity of this friendship. But what happens when feelings start to appear ? Is their friendship strong enough to bear the weight of unsaid things and buried feelings ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic so far! English is not my first language, I'm sorry for all the mistakes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first fic so far! English is not my first language, I'm sorry for all the mistakes! Hope you enjoy!

Clarke was sitting on her bed struggling with her sketch. She was looking at the window to find some inspiration but nothing came. Even though there was not a beautiful landscape in front of her, the plenty of students and the sight of the different areas of Polis University offer a myriad of draws to Clarke. Despite this, Clarke was incapable to draw something acceptable, she was just succeeding to doodle. This situation was really an issue for her. Clarke was a med student but art was her only way-out. She was facing this struggle for too long now, but what could she do when she just can’t draw the thing she wanted the most? Clarke wanted to complaint, to do something about this situation but nobody would understand. How people could understand what she can’t herself?

She was so into her lack of interest that she barely heard the door open. Clarke let out a loud sigh before turning her head toward the door.

 

Here, just a few centimeters from her was standing the most beautiful and amazing girl she ever met. Her best friend, Lexa. The girl was taking off her training’s outfits before going to the shower. She glanced at Clarke and smiled before heading toward the shower. Clarke let out another sigh more loud this time and wondered how things were the way they are now.

 

***

3 months ago.

 

“Oh my God, Lexa I’m sooooo excited!” Clarke said while Lexa opened wide the door of her dorm.

“Calm down Clarke you’re going to disturb all of our future neighbors!” Lexa said to Clarke. She was struggling with both of their stuff because Clarke has dropped them the minutes she entered the building to run to their dorm. The room is wasn't too small, it had a great size which was perfect because it was difficult to live with someone in a small area. There were two beds and two desks in each corn of the place and a closet to tidy the clothes. The space was a little aseptic but Lexa could already imagine how she can convert her part. Lexa was totally thinking about where she was going to put her stuff when Clarke exclaimed “Oh my God Lex you need to see our bathroom!”. “Our bathroom” these words give Lexa a sweat sensation in her heart.

Clarke was her best friend since elementary school, and even though Lexa knew since the first time they met that they’ll be friends for life, she’d never dared to imagine that one day they’ll share a dorm in university. Lexa smiled to herself and go join Clarke in their bathroom. When she entered, she saw a small shower stall on her right side, a sink with a mirror across and a toilet on the left corner. She saw also her best friend with a wide smile looking at her waiting for her reaction.

“Soooo what do you think?” said Clarke

“I don’t know it’s just a bathroom Clarke.”

“You’re so annoying Lex." said Clarke with a pout while crossing her arm on her chest.

Lexa sighed, even if she wasn't carried away by the bathroom as much as Clarke, she couldn’t deny the fact that Clarke was really cute when she pout.

“I have some issues to be excited to shower in here but maybe when we’ll put all of our stuff it’s going to be more attractive to me”

Clarke smiled this time it was more genuine.

“Yes you’re right, we have to unpack our things and then we can go walk around the campus. I really want to discover where I’m going to pass four years of my life!”

Lexa nodded and get out of the bathroom to start unpacking her stuff.

 

After a while of unpacking, tidying and layout, both of the girls were laying on the floor exhausted. They were set in a relaxing silence when Clarke decided that they have to go explore the campus before it was too late. Lexa grumbled lightly but followed Clarke outside of their dorm because she wished to visit the surrounding too.

They went looking for the different areas of the campus, by the time, Clarke was more and more excited while Lexa was a little bit afraid by all of this new world. Clarke was Lexa’s best friend for so long that she knew as well how to detect the girl’s emotion. LexanWoods was a mystery for most of their friends but for Clarke she is an open book.

“What’s wrong?” asked Clarke enjoying the feel of the wind in her hair.

“Nothing” replied Lexa avoiding to look into Clarke eyes.

“I know there is something that disturbs you. Speak Woods!”

 

The girls stopped and sat on a bench in an open area of the campus.

“It’s just that I feel a little bit overwhelmed by the events” stated Lexa looking at her feet.

“It’s totally normal to be afraid Lexa, it’s all new for both of us. I’m afraid too.”

“Yeah but at least you have Bellamy.”

There was a silence between them. Clarke was biting her bottom lip intensely. How could she be so stupid? Her best friend has just been dumped by her one year girlfriend and she was pushing her.

“I’m sorry Lex, I know it’s pretty hard for you right now but you know what? You are not alone, you have me and Octavia and Raven are coming tomorrow. You are not going to be alone in this, ok?”

“Yeah ok. I know I’m acting like a fool.”

“No you’re not. It’s totally normal. But I’m sure that you’re going to meet a super cute girl and you’ll forget about Costia.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to fall for someone else.”

“You don’t have to fall Lex, you can have fun you know.” said Clarke smiling gently.

“Yes, you’re right. I can’t stay like this I have to move on!” Lexa exclaimed turning her face toward Clarke’s.

“Yeeeeeeah that’s my girl!” cheered Clarke loudly.

 

The girls stayed in silence for a while enjoying the sight before leaving the bench.

“You know you would be a great cheerleader?” said Lexa smiling devilishly.

“Why are you saying that?” asked Clarke confuse.

“Because you broke my eardrum with your support on the bench” teased Lexa.

“Fuck you Woods!” replied Clarke laughing.

 

They bursted out laughing smiling at each other and head to their dorm.

 

The accumulation of the journey, unpacking and emotion’s tiredness made both the girls wake up late the next day. Lexa was the first one to wake up, she wasn't in a bad mood but she was still tired. She yawned lightly and buried her head in the pillow to continue to sleep. Unfortunately, her stomach has decided otherwise. A loud rumbling made her understand that she was not going to fall asleep until she has eaten. Lexa sighed and left her bed to wake Clarke up. She knew Clarke. She knew that morning Clarke was a grumpy Clarke. But she also knew that it’s pretty late and that Clarke was going to starve really soon. And a starving Clarke is worse than a grumpy Clarke. So she headed to Clarke’s bed and put the blanket opens. She layed carefully against Clarke’s side and gently, started to push her side. Clarke grimaced a little but didn’t wake up. She started to push a little more and Clarke started to grumble. Clarke rolled in her bed but Lexa insisted and Clarke opened her eyes. That’s it, the dragon was awoke. Clarke was looking at Lexa, torpedo in her eyes, ready to shoot her. But Lexa grabbed Clarke’s waist and took her in an embrace. She started to gently stroke her back. She could feel Clarke’s eyes doing some holes in her head but she continued her motions. At some point she felt Clarke relax and she let her go out of the embrace to draw out.

“What time is it?” asked Clarke sleepily.

“It’s 1pm.” answered Lexa.

 

At these words, Clarke’s eyes open wide.

“Octavia and Raven are coming in less than two hours! We have to go eat something before their arrival!”

Clarke jumped out of the bed squashing on Lexa. She headed to the bathroom to wash herself. Lexa stayed in the bed smiling lightly.

 

After their preparations, the two best friends came out of their dorm and headed toward a coffee that they noticed the day before.

They ordered their meal and start to eat. Clarke ordered plenty of pancakes while Lexa opted for some eggs with bacon’s slices.

“How can you eat so much pancakes?”

“I don’t know the syrup makes it slide I guess”

“You’re such a dumbass.” said Lexa laughing.

“That’s why you love me.” said Clarke mimicking a kiss.

“Ugh! You have syrup all over your face!”

“Come on Lex, give your lovely auntie a kiss!”

“Never!”

They both bursted out laughing. By the time they finish their meal, Clarke received a text from Octavia.

 

 **Octavia:** Hey bitches, we have arrived! So come help us to install!

 **Clarke:** We are on the way dumbass!

 **Octavia:** Hurry Raven wants to install some electronics stuff in all the dorm!

 

“Oh God.” muttered Clarke. “We have to go!”

“Right now? But I haven’t finished my coffee!”

“It’s a red code! We have to go now! I’ll pay you a coffee a bit later.” said Clarke.

“What did Raven do?”

“She has done nothing. For now.”

“Ok let’s go then.”

 

They arrived in front of Octavia and Raven’s dorm in less than 15 minutes. As they were going to open the door they already could hear the girls quarrelling, again. Lexa and Clarke looked at each over and then enter in the room.

 

“No Raven you can’t install your big computer in the room! There’ll be no space left!”

“Oh come on O your stuff take already all the space!”

“No it’s not true! YOU take all the space with your stuff and your big butt!”

“Oh no O." told off Clarke

“You know that if my butt has fatten it’s just because of my metabolism! And by the way my big butt screw you!”

“Oh yeah it’s clearly not because you eat all the time! Can you recall me how many pancakes did you eat before leaving?”

“Hey what do you have against people who eat pancakes?” exclaimed Lexa.

“Oh it can’t be real! You’re supposed to agree with me Lexa! You know how it feels to stand a person with a face full of syrup!”

“Hey I’m not like that!” stopped Clarke

“WE are not like that!” said Raven crossing her arms on her chest.

“Of course you’re not.” said Lexa taking Clarke hand in hers.

Clarke smirked to Lexa and started to caress Lexa’s hand with her thumb. The girls were looking at each other smiling. The pattern Clarke was using was the one which could calm or relax Lexa in a matter of time. Lexa was enjoying the tender sensation and it reminded her some memories.

 

_“Lex please stop overthinking you give me an headache”_

_Lexa was sitting on Clarke’s bed. She was struggling with her foot while watching her knees._

_“I can’t Clarke! It’s my first match tomorrow and I’m not ready!”_

_Clarke stood from her chair and stood in front of her best friend._

_“You’re more than ready Lex, you practice practically every day! You’re careful with what you eat and you keep training at home to be in shape!”_

_“You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing.” muttered Lexa._

_“No, you know that it’s not what I mean. But you also know that sometimes I miss my best friend. Your passion takes a lot of your time and I can understand because it’s your passion. That’s why you have no right to think that you could fail this match!”_

_“But…”_

_“There’s no but Lex! You are going to achieve your dream! After all, you’re the best soccer player I know!”_

_“Clarke I’m the only soccer player you know”_

_“That’s what I’ve said! So relax babe!”_

_“What if I can’t score?”_

_Clarke sighed and sat next to Lexa on the bed._

_“It’s your first match yes but this fact doesn’t mean that you’re going to forget how to play with a ball! Even if you’re much stressed, anxious, worried and God knows what else, your body will not fail you!”_

_“Yes you must be right.” sighed Lexa._

_“I’m right Lex and you know it depths, depths in your heart”_

_Lexa smiled to Clarke and continued to play with her feet. Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers and started to trace her thumb on it. Lexa instantly relaxed and pushed all her bad thoughts away from her mind._

Lexa was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the girls stopped arguing.

“Wow Lexa where did you go?” asked Raven.

“Um I was just thinking about some stuff”

Clarke looks at Lexa worriedly but said nothing.

“So we’re going to a party tonight?” asked Octavia

“O the classes start tomorrow!”

“Lexa don’t be so repressed! It’s our first time in university we have to enjoy!”

“Yes but I have my first training with the soccer team tomorrow too.”

“Come on Lex we will not stay too late so you can enjoy the party and won’t be too tired for your big day!” said Clarke imploring Lexa with puppy eyes.

“Ok but you promise we will not stay too long?”

“Yes I promise!”

“Yeeeeah bitches we’re going to have some fun tonight!” exclaimed Raven.

 

The four girls enjoyed each other’s presence before going to get themselves ready for the night. When they were all set, they head to a party organized by the second years. The party took place in the house of a student they absolutely didn’t know but they have been invited by Octavia’s boyfriend, Lincoln. The atmosphere in the house was hot and heavy, people were dancing around while others were drinking and talking with each other. There were a beer pong in the back of the room and the girls could already hear people cheer their friends. They had barely arrived that Octavia was already running to jump in her boyfriend’s arms. Lincoln and Octavia were in love for three years now, it has been pretty difficult for both of them. The distance mix with the exams had forced them to live without the other. But now they were together and they needed some time to make up for all the nights without love words and cuddle.

 

“So I’m going to show these people how to play real beer pong!” said Raven.

“Don’t make them cry Ray!” exclaimed Clarke.

Raven headed to the beer pong crossing the crowd and leaving Clarke and Lexa together.

“I’m going to check on Bellamy, try to enjoy yourself!”

“Yeah no worry!”

“If you want you can join us don’t think that I’m trying to clear you.”

“No, no go see your boyfriend I’m going to see if there are some cute girls.”

Clarke looked at Lexa and then said “Ok but I’ll be right there with Bellamy if you need something or if you are bored you can come!”

“Yes mom no worry. Now go enjoy your first party in university with your boyfriend!”

“Ok, see you in a bit!”

With these words, Clarke went and disappeared out of Lexa’s field of vision.

Lexa sighed and took a drink. “It’s going to be long” she muttered.

 

Clake was sitting with her boyfriend. He had his arm around her while he was talking with some people. Clarke was bored and anxious, she shouldn't have left Lexa alone in this stupid party. She was beginning to think that she was a horrendous best friend when she saw Lexa, her Lexa with some girl smiling and laughing like the world didn’t exist. The girl was touching Lexa’s arm and was telling something which seemed to be a joke reflecting how Lexa was covering her mouth with her hands. There was a spark in Lexa’s eyes and it bothered Clarke. She couldn’t let this happen, Lexa was too fragile to fall for a girl. It was way too soon and there was no way that Clarke would let her best friend be sad again. Clarke was deep in her thoughts when Bellamy talked to her.

“Hey babe everything's alright?”

“Um yeah, yeah why are you asking that?”

“Maybe because it’s the third time I talk to you but you don’t answer?”

“Oh uh I’m sorry.”

“So what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing, it’s just Lexa is talking to this girl and she seems to really like her.”

“So what’s wrong?”

“You know that Lexa is just getting out of a break up. I don’t think that’s a good idea to start something with someone else. It’s too soon and she’s so fragile. I don’t want her to suffer again.”

Bellamy looks at Clarke intrigued.

“If there is something I know it’s that Lexa is all except fragile.”

“You don’t know her.” said Clarke sighing.

“What do you want to do Clarke? You can’t prevent Lexa to live her life. Maybe this girl is the good one who knows?"

“No she’s not.”

Bellamy looked at Clarke furrowing is brows and said “How can you know that?”

“She’s too fancy for her”

“Fancy?”

“Yeah look at that, she has manners it’s excessive!”

Bellamy looked at the girl who was talking to Lexa and started to laugh. “She acts normally, I think you’re jealous because you see that your best friend can actually have fun without you.”

“It’s absolutely not that!” exclaimed Clarke “Now if you excuse me I’m going to ensure that my best friend is not going to do something stupid.”

 

With these words Clarke stood up and headed toward her best friend and the mysterious girl. She crossed the crowd and stopped just behind Lexa whom she took in an embrace. Lexa jumped at the sight and turned her body ready to hit the stranger who dare touch her without permission. When she saw it was Clarke, Lexa relaxed and smiled sheepishly.

“Clarke what you’re doing, you’re not with Bellamy?” she asked intrigued.

“I was but I came to see if my best friend was enjoying her night." answered Clarke smiling to Lexa. She then turned her eyes toward the girl who was trying to seduce her friend. Clarke was trying to put all the threats she could in one look but it seemed like she looked more like a grumpy cat. The girl smiled to her and said "Oh you’re Clarke! I didn’t recognize you with the obscurity and you know the years”

Clarke frowned, who’s this girl and why was she acting like they know each other?

“Oh my God you don’t place me! But somewhere it’s logic it was what 10 years ago?”

Clarke didn’t understand, she didn’t recognize this girl but she felt more and more bad to don’t even knew who she was.

“I’m Anya! You know this dumbass cousin!”

“Oh my fucking God Anya! Is that you?”

“Yeah it’s me!”

“But what are doing here? I mean hell Lexa you didn’t tell me Anya was in this university!”

“I didn’t know! It was a surprise for me too!”

The girls talked a little bit more with Anya, they learnt that she was studying business and that she was single because her boyfriend dumped her for another girl.

“He’s an asshole.” said Lexa

“You deserve better you’ll find someone else!”

“Thanks guys! And you how about your love life?”

“I have a boyfriend, Bellamy it’s the tall guy with black curls right there.” said Clarke pointing to Bellamy.

“And you Lexy? How is it going with Costia?”

Clarke and Lexa froze, they were in a so good mood that they didn’t expect Anya to talk about Costia.

“I uh we broke up before the entry in university” said Lexa ill at ease.

Anya saw her cousin’s reaction and changed of subject.

“So Clarke what are you studying here?”

“Hum I’m a med student so I’m studying biology, anatomy and all this stuff.”

“Oh it’s great! And you Lexy?”

“I pursue law studies because you know me I really like to help people.” said Lexa feeling the atmosphere less awkward.

“It doesn’t surprise me at all!”

 

The girls chat a little bit more before Lexa yawned so Clarke made the decision to go back in their dorm. They said good bye to Anya, Raven and Bellamy but couldn’t find Lincoln and Octavia probably already gone to make up for the lost time.

 

The girls walked on the way back home and enjoyed each other’s presence without a word. When they reached their dorm they just undressed and put some pajamas before going to bed.

They were installed in their respective bed when Clarke broke the silence.

“Lex please stop moving your bed is squeaking it’s unbearable!”

“I can’t Clarke, sleep doesn’t come!”

That was half an hour that Clarke was trying to sleep while she had to hear Lexa turning in her bed.

“Just close your eyes and try to relax, ok?”

“I can’t relax I’m alone in my bed with this stupid blanket which is too heavy on me!”

“Leave this stupid blanket tranquil Lex and go to sleep!” sighed Clarke

“It’s too much for me Clarke, I thought that I could but I can’t”

“What are you talking about it’s just a duvet Lex don’t be silly!”

“I’m not talking about the duvet Clarke”

With this words Clarke opened her eyes widely.

“It’s about Costia isn’t it?”

“Yes, no I don’t know”

Clarke sighed and starts to sit on her bed.

“You miss her?”

There was a long blank between them, we could just heard their respiration. After a while Lexa answered “No, it’s not Costia, I just miss to be with someone you know? I have the habitude to sleep with someone, cuddle and all this stuff but it’s stupid. I don’t know why I’m telling you that, it’s stupid.”

“No it’s not Lex. You can tell me all the things you want I’ll never think it’s stupid. You’re my best friend and you feel bad, it’s my job to help you.”

“I know but you have spent a great night with your boyfriend, I shouldn’t spoil this with my issues.”

“Ok stop Lex. I don’t want you to think that you have to restrain yourself because of my relationship with Bellamy. Yes we are a couple but you’re my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without you. Bellamy will always passed after you.”

“It’s not what I want you to say…”

“I know that” cut Clarke “But it is what it is and I want you to know that, ok?”

“Okay.” answered Lexa

“Wanna cuddle?” asked Clarke tentatively.

“Hum yes”

Clarke jumped out of her bed and headed to Lexa’s. She opened the blanket and positioned herself behind Lexa. She grabbed her waist and pressed herself against Lexa’s back. They stayed like this a few minutes before Lexa broke the silence.

“Thanks Clarke” said Lexa grabbing Clarke’s hand staying on her waist.

“You’re welcome Lex. Now go to sleep it’s our first day tomorrow.”

“Good night”

“Good night”

 

A moment passed before Lexa fell asleep lulled with Clarke’s breath on her neck and the beating of their hearts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the next chapter of the fic and it's a little bit smutty! Hope you enjoy :)

The sun shined in the room. Clarke and Lexa were both deeply asleep when Clarke’s phone started to ring. Clarke opened one eye and tried to grab her phone on the nightstand.

“Hello?” she said sleepily.

“It’s me, Clarke! I know our first class is supposed to start in 15 minutes but you’re always late so I’m a little bit worried you miss the first class.”

“Oh God! How much time I have?”

“Like I’ve said 15 minutes before the beginning.”

“Shit! Ok thanks Wells I’m coming keep me a seat please!”

Clarke was already up, she grabbed some clothes and dressed herself before taking her bag quickly with her laptop. She opened quickly the door to leave then she retraced her steps to give a quick peck on Lexa’s head before leaving. Clarke was running in the campus trying to not be too late for her bio class. She headed toward the A building and when she reached the doors, she could already hear the associate professor speaking about blood networks and muscles. She opened the doors quietly and found Wells sitting in the middle of the auditorium at the edge of a row. She sat quickly turning on her laptop while greeting Wells with thanks and excuses. The class passed very quickly, Clarke was very interested and even participated.

When the class ended, It was time for lunch, Clarke grabbed her stuff and said good bye to her friend. She went to the cafeteria to meet her friends there.

Clarke was standing in line, waiting to grab some food when two strong arms captured her body in an embrace. At first Clarke was surprised but then she smelled the perfume. This amazing odor, she could be lost in it. It smelled like forest, wind and nature. Sometimes Clarke wondered how big brand could spend their time hiring some “nose" to make fragrance while they just had to reproduce this one. It smelled like a hut in the woods, like moss on sequoia, like springtime, like home.

“How was your first morning in university babe?” said Lexa losing her embrace.

“Hum great and you?” asked Clarke smiling.

“Good but I’m starving” said Lexa smiling as much as Clarke. “The girls are waiting for us in the table on the corner right there.” told Lexa pointing at a table near the back of the cafeteria.

“Cool I hope they’ll have some stories to tell!” exclaimed Clarke

“I think so given Raven’s face she hadn’t sleep so much”

By the time of this conversation, the two girls had arrived in front of the buffet. They selected their foods and headed toward their friends. When they reached the table they found Raven and Octavia arguing about something about last night.

“I fell asleep on a couch O I’ve done nothing wrong!”

“Stop lying Ray I know you can’t sleep on a couch spill the beans!”

“I’ve already told you what happened!” exclaimed Raven. She turns her look toward Clarke and Lexa “Hello guys what’s up?”

 “Stop changing subject Ray!” Octavia yelped.

"Hey Ray you have a hickey here” said Lexa touching Raven's collarbone.

Raven swallowed loudly and took a deep breath. She was remembering last night's events.

_"Yeah bitches I’m the best! Whose turn?” asked Raven proudly._

_She was there for an hour now and she was enjoying playing beer pong especially because she was winning. She has drank a lot since the beginning of the night but she was so excited that she decided that she didn't care. Two boys came to the table to play against her._

_"It's a one versus one! You can try after that kick your buddy's asses!"_

_The two boys looked at each other and then at Raven._

_"Can we just play against you and another person? We prefer to play as a team!”_ s _aid Monty._

_"I'm playing one versus one since the beginning on the night plus I don’t have a partner so sorry guys but I’ll have to kick your asses one by one!"_

_"Come on you can make an exception!” exclaimed Jasper._

_"We can find you a partner.” said Monty_

_They were struggling to make an agreement when a girl interposed herself._

_"I can play with you if it can help"_

_The boys and Raven turned their head startled toward the girl. Raven was the first to step out of her drowsiness and broke the silence._

_"I don’t know you how can I know you're not a bad player?”_

_"I'm not a bad player! I think I’m better than you actually!"_

_Raven looked at the girl. She seemed to be thoughtful._

_"Ok but if I lose because of you, you'll have to pay me a drink!"_

_"Um ok but I don’t think that we're going to lose. They seem to be awful at this game."_

_"Hey you know that we can hear you right?” exclaimed Jasper._

_"Yeah we know.” said Anya chuckling. "I’m Anya by the way.”_

_"I’m Raven. Let's start the game I’m looking forward to see them lose.” said Raven._

_The game resulted in the tightest fit, all the players were focused on the ball. There was one goblet in each camps. The atmosphere was very heavy, Raven was overwhelmed by the pressure. Raven brought out the ball, four eyes' pairs focused on the ball which was slowly entering the goblet. There was a silence followed by loud screams. Anya and Raven were jumping on the spot. They jumped into each other arms and smiled widely._

_"Yeaaah we have won!” exclaimed Anya._

_"In your faces bitches!” added Raven._

_"We almost won ok so don't act like you're better!” said Jasper grumpily_

_Jasper and Monty sighed and left the two girls shared their triumph._

_"So what are we doing now?"_

_"I don’t know, maybe I can offer you the drink you wanted."_

_"We won you don't have to pay me a drink!"_

_"It's just for my pleasure but I’m not forced to pay.” said Anya with a charming smile._

_Raven laughed._

_The girls went to the kitchen to take some drink and then headed to the dancefloor to enjoy their night. They drank one shot, two shot, three shot and became less and less aware of the crowd and of their current state. They started to dance very close from each other, breathing the same air. The tension between the two was palpable, Anya started to grab Raven's waist with her hands while Raven put her arms around Anya's neck. They stared at each other while they danced in rhythm with the sensual music._

_“You’re beautiful.” whispered Raven._

_“You too.” murmured Anya smirking._

_“I think I really want to kiss you right now.” said Raven quietly._

_Anya smiled slowly and then gently crashed her lips on Raven’s. The kiss intensified quickly, the girls started to touch each other strongly. Their breaths became heavy and their moves started to be unclear._

_“I think we should go” said Anya breathing heavily._

_“I agree.”_

_“I live near from here just follow me.”_

_Raven nodded quickly at Anya and grabbed her hand while Anya dragged her out of the house. They crossed the crowd and went out of the house. The girls enjoyed the coolness of the wind, they didn’t realize how much they were warm before. They stayed for a little while like this, fingers intertwined but then Anya led Raven toward her house. When they reached the door, Anya pressed Raven against it and kissed her wildly. Raven answered to the kiss and grabbed the door handle and turned it to enter in the house. They hurtled into the house and Anya headed them in her room. They kissed on the way to the room and started to undress each other. They entered in Anya’s bedroom, both of them in underwear. Anya removed Raven’s bra and started to kiss Raven’s jaw. She glided her kiss on Raven’s collarbone while she grabbed Raven’s nipple. She played with it and get down on her knees. She kissed Raven’s body, enjoying the contact of the skin. Raven shivered, she was breathing hard, her pussy throbbing with excitation. Anya reached Raven’s panties and put them down. She smirked at the sight of her wet folds. She slid her tongue between it, brushing Raven bulge of nerve gently. Raven was arching, she put a hand in Anya’s hair, pushing her forward the throbbing area._

_“Oh God Anya” said Raven shivering_

_Anya took the hint and focused on Raven’s clit. She took it in her mouth, sucking and licking it. Raven was a moaning mess, she was enjoying the pattern Anya was doing on her sensible muscle but at the same time she wanted more. By the time Raven decided to ask for more, Anya slid two fingers in Raven. She took a rapid and rough pace, wanting to make Raven came. She thrust hard, curling her fingers while slamming them. She reached a sweet spot deep into the girl._

_“Oh my God, Anyaaaaaaaaaa.” said Raven panting._

_Anya smirked, proud of her performance. She licked her fingers and said “Um you taste good”_

_Raven smiled sheepishly and put Anya into a warm kiss._

_“My turn” Raven said grinning._

_“Um come here” greeted Anya_

“I have kind of slept with a girl” said Raven blushing.

“You what?!” exclaimed Clarke.

“Oh God Raven you’re such a slut” teased Octavia.

“Yes, but the smartest and the sexiest slut you have ever seen!” Raven teased back.

“Will we see this mysterious girl one day? Or is she becoming your new secret?” asked Octavia.

“I don’t know, we’ll see. I have an encounter with her right now so I have to leave you.” said Raven. “Oh my God, she has to be a very good lay to pass to a one night stand to your possibly girlfriend!” exclaimed Octavia.

 “Go flew yourself O!”

They all burst out laughing and Clarke and Lexa took a seat while Raven left them. They were in the middle of their meal when they’ve been rejoined by Lincoln and Bellamy. Octavia stood up from her seat to let her boyfriend sit on it. She climbed on his lap and kissed him gently, creating a bubble between them and their friends. Bellamy took a chair and put it between Clarke and Lexa. Lexa looked at Clarke while Bellamy started to kiss Clarke stroking his thumb on her cheek. Clarke was smiling genuinely into the kiss. They broke apart to catch their breath and smiled to each other. Clarke continued to eat, talking to Bellamy as much as possible. Lexa was feeling lonely, she was definitively the third wheels and she didn’t like that.

It’s not that Lexa didn’t like that Bellamy was Clarke’s boyfriend, she just couldn’t understand bear the tension he brought with him each time he came to see Clarke. As if it was impossible for the three of them to be in the same place at the same time. However, when Clarke wasn’t there, Bellamy and Lexa were getting along as well. They shared some stories about their lives and talked about soccer. But again, it was just when Clarke wasn’t there. Otherwise, Lexa liked Bellamy and found him really nice. This situation was unbearable to Lexa, she couldn’t understand the real reason of all of this but she knew that the tension was here. It was like all of her moves were going to be examined and that she was going to worsen the circumstances. Bellamy and Clarke were talking about some subjects Lexa didn’t care while she was struggling with her lunch. She was starting to have a lump in the throat, she was feeling really bad about the situation. Octavia was on Lincoln’s laps, kissing him, Raven was with her secret lay and Clarke was with Bellamy laughing to one his stupid joke.

"It’s enough.” muttered Lexa. She stood from her chair, ready to leave when Clarke shouted

"Where are you going Lex?”

Lexa stopped her motions, she turned her head to Clarke.

"I’m going to see if I can find Anya. I haven’t heard news from her since last night.”

"Hum ok, you want me to come with you?"

While Clarke was talking to Lexa, Bellamy was looking at her, reaching for a strand of Clarke’s hairs and put it behind her ear. The sigh of this action created a bad feeling in Lexa’s belly. She tried to hide her reaction and put all of her feelings away with a deep breath.

"No Clarke it’s ok, I can find her by myself. Enjoy your time with Bellamy.”

"Okay.” Lexa said Clarke suspiciously.

 

Lexa turned her head toward Lincoln and Octavia. They were so totally into each other that they didn’t pay attention to her. She headed toward the exit of the cafeteria and went to the soccer field. Lexa had her first training tomorrow and she was really excited and anxious about the proceeding of it. The coach was known to be really strict and rough and Lexa didn’t want to make a bad impression to her. She reached the bleachers and sat to look at the soccer field. Lexa started to think about the university and all the new things she had to discover. She was feeling empty, it was pretty difficult for her to concentrate. She thought that maybe this was all about the fact that she was not with Costia anymore. Indeed, Lexa missed the human’s contact and maybe seeing her friends and her best friends with a special someone brought back her own insecurities. Her story with Costia has ended rather brutally and she missed the contact with a human being. Costia and her had this, they laughed, shared some opinion, talked about anything and everything. But beyond this, Costia was very handsy with Lexa, she was always the one who hugged her, kissed her and cuddled with her. Whenever Lexa was struggling to make the first step toward Costia, Costia would come easily to take her in an embrace. Costia was her first real girlfriend and even though their Relationship had downs, Lexa missed this. She missed to be someone’s center of attention. She missed the kind thoughts. She missed the calls and late talks about stupid topics. She missed to be in someone arms. She missed to be love. Maybe Clarke was right, maybe Lexa had to get back on track and find someone. Lexa sighed, this was going to be a long day. Although Lexa’s apprehension, the day passed quickly and she found herself in her dorm with Clarke. Lexa was breathing really hard, her sweat was rolling on her back. Her jaw was clenched and all her muscles were tensed. She was really exhausted but at the same time she was really enjoying the sensation of the effort. She was feeling all of her body arching and tensing with the movements. The endorphin giving by her body and her whim were enough to encourage her to continue her rough pace.

"I don't how you can do this.” Lexa removed her body of the ground and started to do a serie of squat.

"I need to be in shape, Clarke.

"You seem to suffer a lot.”

"'I'm not in pain, Clarke, it's a pretty enjoyable sensation.”

"You're such a maso!”

"I'm not. I'm just a sportive. You should exercise, it's important for the health»

"I train sometimes!” Lexa chuckled lightly.

"You're such a liar Clarke!”

"I'm not! I walk every day!”

"Yeah to go buy some food!”

"You're not telling that when I bring you m&m's”

"It's because I don't want to contrary you!”

"Oh my God how can you be in so bad faith!”

"I've had a great teacher!”

"I don’t know what you're talking about.” said Clarke faking to be clueless.

"Oh you know very well what I mean Mrs Gaynor.” said Lexa smirking.

"Oh no you didn't say that!”

Clarke has stood at the second the words escaped Lexa's mouth. She gets closer to Lexa. Lexa stood in front of her she has stopped the motions of her body and smiled widely.

"You'll survive Clarke.” replied Lexa rolling the last syllable on her tongue.

Clarke looked at Lexa with a large smirk on her face. She closes the distance between them and started to tickle her belly. Lexa started to struggle to free herself, she was laughing hard. Clarke was insisting on Lexa's side making Lexa burst out in laugh and start to feel weak. After some time, she falls on the ground and Clarke takes the clue to straddle Lexa and tickled her hard. Lexa was chuckling a lot, her abs was contracting and hurting a lot. She manages anyway to flip her body over Clarke's. Taken by surprise, Clarke muttered a soft "oh god»and collided with the ground. Lexa grabbed Clarke's wrists and put them above the girl's head. She smirked breathily before claimed "my turn babe". Lexa reached to Clarke's left rib and tickled the area. Clarke struggled a bit then said "Stooooooop please Lex, I’m gonna die!” Lexa continues the motions saying "You know what you have to say Clarke".

Clarke was laughing a lot, feeling her abs tensing. It was painful and dizzy at the same time, Clarke knew she couldn't take it anymore before she pees on herself. "Please my beautiful commander stooooop” begged Clarke Lexa smiled widely, she was looking at Clarke, still holding her hands. Both girls looked at each other, they were trying to catch their breath while looking in the other’s eyes. There was a kind of tension between them, Clarke was alternately looking at Lexa’s eyes and lips. Lexa’s abs were tensed, she was swallowing hard. They were both lost in each other eyes when the door was opened fully.

 

"Hey bitches do you know where is O?” asked Raven. She paused in her track and looked at the girls curiously before bursting out laugh. "Oh no Lexa don’t tell me you bully this one again!” said Raven between two laughs. Lexa chuckled lightly and stood from Clarke’s body.

"She wanted to prove me her physical capacity I guess”

"Wow this explain your position then.” said Raven smirking.

"Hey I could totally beat you if I wanted to!” exclaimed Clarke while struggling to stand up.

Raven and Lexa shared a look and laughed hard. They couldn’t stop laughing, Clarke was feeling ridiculous. She hit Lexa in the shoulder to stop her but this action produced an eruption of laugh from both Raven and Lexa. Eventually the girls calmed themselves and looked at Clarke smiling. 

"You’re so funny Clarke, you make me laugh so hard!" declared Raven. She simulated to remove a tear from her cheek and looked at Clarke warmly. "Go screw yourself Ray! Talking about this, how was your date with your secret laid?"

"Raven’s smile dropped immediately. She looked at Lexa to find some support but all she found was a questioning look.

"So I’m going to look for Octavia. Enjoy yourself!"said Raven briefly before leaving. Clarke and Lexa smirked to each other before Clarke broke the silence.

"I’m going to think that she is whipped.”

"I think too. I’m wondering who the mysterious laid is.” said Lexa.

"Why? You want to taste it too?” asked Clarke chuckling Lexa smirked and shook her head. "If you want it you’ll have to wash yourself because you stink!" declared Clarke smiling

"You’re such a bitch, you know that?” replied Lexa amused.

"I ‘m saying the truth, babe.” said Clarke miming a kiss toward Lexa. Lexa chuckled and simulated to grab it with her hand before putting it on her ass.

"Well we can definitely say that you kissed my ass.” claimed Lexa smirking.

"Oh God! Go wash yourself dumbass!” exclaimed Clarke chuckling.

Sometime later, Lexa was cleaned and leant against Clarke while they were watching a movie on her laptop. They watched a rom-com chuckling and enjoying each other’s presence. They finished their day in each other’s arms, cuddling and breathing the other embrace.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here the chapter 3, it becomes angsty. Hope you enjoy!

The first week at Polis University passed quickly, both Clarke and Lexa got used to the rhythm and found their own custom in their dorm. Even though Clarke had some issues to wake up, thanks to Lexa, she arrived late just one more time during the week. Indeed, Lexa was Clarke’s alarm since the beginning of their friendship. When they had sleepover, Lexa was the first awake and even if Clarke’s parents were awake before her, they let Lexa woke their daughter up. Actually, Lexa was the only one who could handle Clarke’s waking. Clarke was so grumpy on waking, people couldn’t bear her behavior and aggressiveness especially at morning. Lexa was the only exception, after years of friendship and sharing sleep, she has developed a method to wake Clarke up while avoiding Clarke’s anger. Indeed, despite the fact that Clarke is not so handsy with people, she has a weakness for hugs and caresses in the morning, especially Lexa’s. So Lexa used to take Clarke in an embrace in the morning since the beginning of their friendship, to calm the beast inside her and allow her to pass a good day.

However, today is different. Today is the day Lexa has her first training with the famous coach Indra. She was so anxious, she couldn’t even think about another thing. She turned in the bed, the sunlight was reflecting onto Clarke’s hairs. She sighed deeply, Clarke’s peaceful breath was the polar opposite of Lexa’s pounding chest. She didn’t know what she’ll do if Indra didn’t like the way she plays. Even though soccer was not Lexa’s career aim, she liked this sport. It was her passion and she couldn’t think of her life without practicing it. Her perfect score had help her to go in this university but the scholarship she had thanks to soccer was a better support for her and her family. Lexa was remembering everything, her mother returning late from her work, her father’s tired eyes from all of his overtime. They had work hard for her, to allow her to study because they weren’t enable to pay for the university. Her perfect score had worsen the situation, with it, the perspective of more expensive universities. They have intensified their effort but then Lexa had received a letter. A letter full of promises and happiness. The scholarship was unexpected for the Wood’s family but they all have congratulated Lexa’s success. They have celebrated it in a restaurant with the Griffin’s family, Lexa will never forget her parents’ smile or Clarke’s one. She and her family were so proud of Lexa and this, all of this made Lexa really stressed. She didn’t want to disappoint her family and lose her scholarship.

Lexa was so deep lost in her thought that she didn’t see Clarke has woken up.

“Hey Lex you’re ok?”

Lexa jumped lightly, she didn’t expect Clarke to wake up by herself, especially so early.

“Yeah I-I was just thinking.” mumbled Lexa

“Thinking about what?” said Clarke worried.

“Nothing important. Oh my God Clarke Griffin is awake before noon a Saturday morning! ” replied Lexa hiding her uneasiness.

Clarke leant on her elbow and looked in Lexa’s eyes. “Don’t change of subject. What’s going on? ”

Lexa’s eyes locked with Clarke’s. She looked in it for a while and sighed.

“I have my first training today.” replied Lexa sheepishly.

Clarke watched Lexa carefully. Of course Lexa has a first practice today. And obviously she was anxious about it. How could she be so blind? Lexa was her best friend since the elementary. Of course she had tendency to stress for everything. How could she been a so bad friend for her and left her with all her issues? Clarke sighed deeply still looking in Lexa’s eyes. Those deep green eyes which showed so much torment now. Clarke rolled on her back and opened her arms.

“Come here.”

Lexa scanned Clarke and hesitantly leant against Clarke. Clarke took Lexa in an embrace and started to stroke Lexa’s back with one arm while the other caressed Lexa’s neck.

“Lexa you’re going to listen to me. I’m going to talk to you and even though you disagree you’re going to listen. I don’t want you to interrupt me ok? ”

Lexa nodded shyly. Clarke smiled lovingly and started.

“We know each other since elementary school. I have seen many people ever since but I’ve never met someone like you. You’re strong, ambitious, brave and soooo stubborn. ”

Lexa chuckled lightly.

“You have worked so hard, for your studies, soccer or other things that you care about. You have had a perfect score and even with that you have succeeded to have this scholarship for soccer! And it’s totally normal because when you do something you’re doing it at 100%. I’m so proud of you, like your family and all of your close relation. You’re even an example for my little brother Lex, he sees you like a star! What I’m trying to say is that nobody is going to be disappointed if you fail. You’re a human, an amazing, incredible human being but a human. And you have the right to fail because nobody is perfect. But you have only this right because it’s too hard for you, if the level is too high. Not because you’re so anxious that you do any old thing! You have accomplished so much don’t let this stupid stress affect your capacities. You have the level to be here, you know how to play soccer and you’re going to impress this Toundra coach you like to talk me about. ”

When Lexa heard these words she couldn’t stop herself and exploded in laugh. She was laughing so hard she couldn’t even breathe correctly. She had tears on the verge of her eyes. She was chuckling so hard she couldn’t even explain why to Clarke who was surprised and a bit disappointed by the events.

After a while, Lexa calmed herself and looked at Clarke with a warm smile. On the other hand, Clarke was waiting for an explanation, disappointment writing on her face.

“Clarke don’t be sad, it’s just the coach… ”

“What the coach?” snapped Clarke.

“Her name is Indra not Toundra.”

Clarke stopped. She was feeling so stupid right now. All she could do was avoiding Lexa’s gaze.

“Oh come on Clarke don’t pout! I promise it was just funny! You don’t have to feel awkward! Not with me. ”

Clarke continued to pout, not wanting to look at her best friend.

“Pleeeeeease Clarke! I’m sorry ok? ”

Clarke glanced at Lexa, she was looking at her with the cutest puppy eyes she ever seen.

“Ok, but don’t count on me for another speech.”

“Yeah of course!” said Lexa nestling in Clarke’s arms. “Do you realize you’ve woken up without being grumpy and angry?”

“Oh shut up Lex!” Clarke straighten up and said “Don’t get carried away, I still want my morning hugs!”

Lexa chuckled lightly but obliged.

***

“Good afternoon everybody. I’m not going to lose more time. If you’re here it’s because you represent potential for this university. Its soccer team is reputed to present an excellent level. We have one aim, victory. My ambition is not to focus on social aspect. My main aim is to put this equip at its highest level I don’t care about your issues, your struggle with school and other. If you think that you’re not enable to bear the pressure you can leave. I don’t want people who are not ready to give everything for this aim. ”

Indra marked a pause in her speech leaving time for people to leave. When nobody left she continued.

“Good. So we are not going to lose more time. We’ll start with laps around the stadium to warm up your bodies. ”

The training was over. Lexa was exhausted. Even with all of her personal training and effort, Indra’s program was exhausting. Lexa was taking her breathing again when Indra came to her.

“Not too bad Woods.”

“Thanks coach!”

Indra nodded silently and left.

“I think you have impressed Terminator.” said a voice.

Lexa turned her head toward the voice and chuckled lightly.

“Well I’ve done my best.”

“I know, I think everybody have seen that. I’m Harper by the way.”

“Lexa.”

“So it’s your first year in Polis University?” asked Harper.

The girls were heading toward the locker room while talking.

“Yes and you?”

“Same. You know you’re pretty incredible with a ball?”

Lexa blushed lightly. Lexa was not the kind of girl who felt at ease while talking with people she didn’t know. To say the truth, she was a bit withdrawn and had some struggle to let people in. Clarke was an exception and even though they have instantly matched, Lexa still has struggle to open up to Clarke. The time Lexa was thinking, they had reached the locker room.

“Thanks. I’m going to change.” said Lexa awkwardly.

“I’m coming with you, I have to change too.” said Harper pointing at her outfit.

They changed in silence. Lexa could feel Harper glancing at her while she was undressing herself. Lexa was glad to appeal to someone, especially after her break up with Costia but she couldn’t be at ease. When she finished to dress in a casual outfit, she tidied her stuff and prepared herself to leave.

“So, good bye Harper.” she said the more gently she could.

“Bye Lexa! See you on Monday!” said Harper smiling widely.

Lexa left the locker room and headed to her dorm.

***

Clarke was still in Lexa’s bed, enjoying the warm dispensed by the thick cover when Raven erupted in the room. If she had been in her normal mood, Raven would say salacious comments about Clarke’s presence in Lexa’s bed but not now. Now she was not in the mood, she just wanted to forget about her day and the event. Clarke seemed immediately to understand because she pulled her in the bed and took her slowly in an embrace. After a court period of cuddling and scalp stroking, Clarke asked the question.

“It’s over isn’t it?”

Raven stiffened lightly and glanced toward Clarke.

“Yeah I guess.”

Clarke continued her ministration while speaking.

“What happened?”

“I… She asked me to be her girlfriend, she wanted us to be official.”

“And?”

“And I-I can’t.” stuttered Raven.

Clarke stopped her moves.

“How’s that you can’t?”

Raven didn’t answer, her glare was focused on the door in front of them.

“Hey look at me Ray. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. ”

“I don’t want to talk about it Clarke.”

“Ok Ray, you’ll talk when you’ll be ready.”

The girls stayed like this for a little while until Raven relaxed completely in Clarke’s arms. Lexa reached her dorm at this moment and was surprised by the sight. She looked at Clarke incredulously. Clarke nodded so Lexa shrugged and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. While Lexa was in the bathroom, Raven got out of Clarke’s embrace.

She turned her head toward Clarke and thanked her. Clarke just nodded and watched her leave the room. When Lexa came out, she was surprised to not see Raven in the dorm, she took some clothes and started to talk with Clarke while dressing.

“Where is Raven?”

“She left five minutes ago.”

“Is she ok? I mean she seems to be a little off, you know. »said Lexa in underwear.

Clarke looked at Lexa and answered severely

“She has broken up with her mysterious laid.”

Lexa has now put her pants.

“Oh what’s happened?”

“I don’t know she didn’t want to tell me.”

Lexa sighed.

Lexa was still shirtless when Clarke asked how her first training was and pull her in the bed.

“It was amazing Clarke!”

“Tell me babe.”

So Lexa told Clarke about everything, the exercises, Indra’s speech, her team-mate and all. She was really excited to say everything to her best friend. Clarke looked at her lightly, she was captivated by Lexa and her overly cuteness. She wondered how somebody could appear to be so cute and strong at the same time. Her harsh jaw line was in total contradictory with her current smiley face, same for her tensed abs and her little belly button. Lexa was like the perfect mix between the strength and the adorable.

Clarke listened to her, asking some questions for a while until the girls shared an embrace and took a nap before going to some sorority party.

 

***

Lexa was really exhausted, she has passed her week end to party and she hadn’t really work for her assignments. She was in the library looking for a book for her favorite class, Criminology. She was struggling to find the book, it was her third time around the same aisles when she decided to try in the back of the Library. She has passed several aisles when a flash of blonde attracted her eyes. She came back and saw someone painting in the patio. She smiled and opened the glace door to enter. She was barely outside when she was overwhelmed by so many odors and colors. There were many flowers of different types, a big tree was in the middle of the patio leaving some leaves on the ground. Lexa came nearer to the painter and looked at the drawing.

It was like a picture of the scene in front of her, as if the drawer had captured the nature’s beauty with painting and paintbrush. Lexa was so wrapped in her thought she didn’t see the painter was looking at her.

“You like what you see?”

Lexa jumped and smiled widely.

“It’s amazing Clarke.” she said looking directly into her eyes.

Clarke smiled slowly and watched her painting.

“It’s not that amazing.”

“Please Clarke it’s incredible! Look at these colors and the light, how did you transposed all of the light? It’s like you you’ve put the sun in your painting! ”

Lexa’s admiration made Clarke smile widely. Lexa didn’t notice Clarke’s reaction, she was too interested by her best friend’s talent. Lexa was incapable of painting, drawing or doodling, she couldn’t even do normal stick figure, hers looked like dead or sick. She was impressed by Clarke and how she could create or reproduce beautiful landscape.

“Hey Lex, do you want to go take a coffee? I think I’m done.”

“Uh okay but how are we supposed to carry all your stuff?”

“It’s okay the librarian let me put it in the closet just behind”

“Okay, I just have to take a book for my class and we can go.”

“Good I’ll wait for you in the hall then!”

Lexa headed to the bottom of the Library and found her book. She was starting to feel the irritation increase when the librarian offer to help her. She couldn’t accept that she needed help because Lexa Woods could find a book in a library without assistance. After like ten minutes where Lexa has explored the library’s aisles back and forth, she finally found the book. She reached the hall 5 minutes after where she spotted Clarke sitting on a bench.

“Finally!”

“I hadn’t take so much time!”

Clarke narrowed her eyes and said nothing.

“Let’s go to the coffee before I change my mind.” Clarke said taking Lexa by her arm.

When the girls reached the coffee, they directly entered to head to the counter. After ordering their drinks, they sat down on classy armchairs while waiting for their order. They were talking about school stuff when a waitress came to bring their drinks. She dropped it off and looked at Lexa for a long time. She smiled shyly still looking at Lexa and left the two girls at their conversation.

“Wow Lex! I think you caught her eyes!”

“Not at all.” stuttered Lexa.

“Given the way she was looking at you let me tell you that she is under your spell!”

“You’re talking rubbi… ”

Lexa was interrupted by the waitress who came back with a plate.

“Here your pie’s slice”

Lexa looked at the girl, she was feeling really uncomfortable.

“I didn’t order something to eat, it must be an error.” she stated.

The smile already present on the waitress’ face grew and she watched Lexa warmly.

“I know but I figured that maybe you wanted to eat something. With all of your training, your body must craving some sweets. ”

“I can’t accept this, you can be fired for that!”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m sure you’ll love it!”

“I… ”

Lexa couldn’t finish her sentence then Clarke interrupted the exchange.

“Well thank you… ” She looked at the waitress’ name tag “Kelly I’ll make sure she eats it.”

Clarke smiled at the waitress who dismissed herself with a last glance toward Lexa.

Lexa was stunned by what had happened while Clarke was starting to eat the dessert.

“Hum Lexa you should taste it, it’s delicious.” said Clarke the spoon still in her mouth.

These words seemed to awake Lexa from her trance and she glared at Clarke like she was the worst person in the world.

“Why did you do that?” she asked aggressively.

Clarke seemed to not notice Lexa’s tone and continued to eat.

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about Clarke.”

This time, Clarke picked Lexa’s irritation. “Wow I’m sorry I didn’t know that I can’t eat your food. Sorry. ” She looked at the pie’s slice reluctantly and released the spoon.

“You know that’s not that Clarke!”

“No I don’t. So tell me because I don’t understand your current behavior! ”

“Why did you dismiss her like that? She was just kind with me!”

“Oh come on Lex, you heard her she was a psycho! She knew you were training whereas you haven’t any sport outfit! You should thanking me right now! ”

“Maybe she just saw me on the soccer field, I don’t know. But she didn’t deserve to be treated like that. ”

“Look, I don’t know what’s your problem Lexa, but I know you and I know that it’s not because of a stupid waitress that you’re angry. So tell me what’s your real problem here?”

“My problem is that you’re always intruding in MY life. She was just gentle with me and because YOU, Clarke Griffin has decided that she was a psycho, you rejected her!”

Clarke was blown away, her eyes were wide open and she was holding her breath.

“I’m not your toy Clarke. You can’t always decide for me, push me to try to be with someone else that you verified if they were suitable for me. ”

Lexa was breathing heavily, she didn’t know she had so much on her mind. She was looking at Clarke expecting an explosion but nothing came. Instead, Clarke grabbed her stuff, looked at Lexa deep in the eyes and said “Okay.” with that she left the coffee and Lexa in it.

Lexa was feeling guilty, she didn’t want to upset Clarke but she needed to express her point of view. She knew that she wasn’t wrong but that didn’t mean that she was right. Clarke was just too protective since her break up with Costia and she needed to breathe especially after that.

 

***

Clarke was angry. How her best friend could talk to her like this? All of this for a stupid psycho waitress. She wasn’t considering Lexa like a toy, she was protecting her friend, her best friend, her Lexa. How her Lexa could react like this and treat her like she was the worst person in the world when she was just trying to help her. She didn’t want Lexa to suffer that’s all.

Clarke was fulminating against Lexa, she didn’t understand her reaction and she was starting to wonder how long Lexa thought about her like that. A horrendous sensation started to pound in her stomach, she was starting to feel sick. Clarke and Lexa had fights before but this one was hard and she knew that. This one was holding so much more in it and she was beginning to be afraid of the meaning of it. Because Clarke knew deep down that Lexa’s reproaches was related to before their arrival in the university, to someone she hated the first time she set her eyes on them. Because this person was the one who has started to separate Lexa and her, the one Lexa has opened up to as much as to Clarke and she hated her for that. Costia.

 

***

Lexa was on her way back to her dorm, she was thinking about her words and how much she regretted them. She didn’t mean to be so rough with Clarke but she just wanted to have the opportunity to open up with people. She knew that she couldn’t continue like this and stay with Clarke forever, she had to make new friends. Socializing was really difficult for her, to tell the truth, all of her friends were Clarkes before. She has just introduced them to Lexa and because she has brought Lexa everywhere since their meeting, her friends have been hers too. But Lexa knew it was because of the context, she couldn’t help thinking that without Clarke she still would be the lonely primary schoolchild.

 _Every day was the same for Lexa. At 7AM, her mother was there to wake her up, she was sweet and always whispered_ “ _Lexy it’s time to wake up._ ” _in her ears. She would hug Lexa until she was awaken and would pushed her in the bathroom for her morning wash. After that, Lexa would put some outfits and eat her breakfast with her father Gustus and her mother Aïcha. They were always worried about Lexa and her struggle to make friends but said nothing to not make her feel bad. After all, Lexa wasn’t complaining about the situation, so maybe she was happy like that. The breakfast eaten, Lexa got out of her home not without a kiss from both her parents and her blue ball. It was a gift from her uncle Nyko and she really liked it because it was blue and it was a ball, the perfect combination for Lexa. She headed to the school bus waiting for her. Like every day, she entered in the bus while greeting the conductor and sat alone in the back, the far away from other children. Like every day, when they reached the school, she was the last schoolchild to go out the bus. She headed to a bench, waiting, and when the bell rang she would reached the row of her class. Like every day, the class was boring and she was just hoping that the day would be quickly over to get back home and play soccer with her father._

_But unfortunately, when you’re bored time passes slowly and God knew as much she was bored in class. The only lesson which interested her was civil education, she liked the idea of justice, of being a citizen and being important for the society. The bell rang a second time and it was already time for the recreation. Like every day she was the last children of her class to leave, they were all in hurry to enjoy themselves but not her. She dragged her feet until she reached the exit and sighed, her ball in the hands. Like every day she started to walk all around the playground making the time pass. While in her daily walk, she could see the other children playing together. At first, she had try to make friends, children were coming to play with her but she was unable to talk. She was so stressed that she just couldn’t and this has caused her reputation of being weird. With that, no one tried to play with her. The situation was annoying for the teachers, even the director has summoned her parents to meet them and verify if something was wrong in her home. It was very embarrassing for Lexa to see her parents’ faces when the director has explained the situation. When they got home, she knew they were worried but they have acted like nothing has happened and didn’t push her because they loved her. It was really hard for Lexa to live with this culpability, she didn’t want to bother them with her difficulties to make friends. So here she was, walking in the playground like every day, avoiding other children of the same age. It was the middle of the recess when two children playing tag passed her and knocked her over by the same time. Her collision with the ground was rough and she scraped her knee in the action releasing her precious blue ball. She was struggling to contain her tears when a flash of blond appeared in her field of vision._

“ _Oh my God are you ok?”_

_A little girl with two bunches and one missing tooth was looking at her like she was the most inestimable thing in the world._

“ _Yeah I’ve just tripped.”_

_The blonde girl extended her tiny hand to help Lexa got back on her feet._

“ _Thanks.” said Lexa sheepishly._

“ _You’re welcome.” smiled the blonde. There was a pause before she looked at Lexa’s knee and continued._ “ _You’re bleeding!”_

_Lexa followed the girl’s gaze and saw that blood was sinking of her knee._

“ _It’s nothing don’t worry.”_

“ _It’s not nothing! If we don’t clean it quickly, it can be infected._ ”

 _Lexa looked at her incredulously. The blonde added sheepishly_ “ _My mother is surgeon, she told me many things about diseases and injuries. I have a first aid kit in my bag, follow me. Lexa was still stunned but decided to listen to the girl. Before Lexa could move forward, the blonde gave her, her ball._

“ _Here your ball.”_

“ _Thanks” Lexa said. It was like the girl knew how much the ball mattered for Lexa. The blonde smiled in return and started to walk._

_They headed discreetly to the school building and walked silently in the stairs. When they reached the classroom, the girl opened the door for Lexa to come in. Lexa was looking at the girl as she took her first aid kit and kneed in front of her. She had big blue eyes, a cute smile accompanied by a beauty spot just above._

“ _It’s going to sting.” she said before putting a compress with some liquid on it on her injury._

_Lexa was amazed by the sigh, even though the girl was a child she looked so much adult at the moment. She seemed so confident about what she was doing it was really impressive._

“ _You’re my first patient, you know?” she said before wiping completely the wound and putting a plaster with bunnies on it._

“ _I never though.” said Lexa shyly. The girl looked up at her frowning, pushing her to elaborate._

“ _You seem really comfortable doing it. You look like a real doctor._ ”

_The girl smiled widely._

“ _Thank you! I want to be a surgeon like my mother in the future! And you what do you want to do?_ ”

_The girl’s smile made Lexa smile too, she was feeling less awkward with the girl like she was not going to laugh if she talked to her._

“ _I want to be a lawyer, I want to protect people and repair the injustices.” she stated._

“ _It’s cool! My uncle Ben is a lawyer, he says that he is Chicago’s righter of wrong!_ ”

_Lexa laughed at the declaration, she was quickly joined by the girl._

“ _I’m Clarke. I know it’s a guy name but it’s writing with a e at the end._ ”

 _Lexa smiled lightly and answered_ “ _I’m Lexa.”_

_Clarke looked at Lexa and stood up. She was going to talk when the bell announcing the end of the recreation rang._

“ _Well lawyer Lexa I was happy to meet you!”_

“ _Me too.” answered Lexa sadly. For the first time in her life she was meeting someone who didn’t think she was weird and it was already the time to separate. She has to forget all about this meeting and all about Clarke because returning in her monotony was going to be hard with the memories of the blonde._

_Suddenly the blonde spoke up._

“ _You know I was thinking maybe you could come tomorrow at my house after school. We could do our homework and play with your ball in the garden after._ ”

 _Lexa was stunned._ “ _It must be a dream right? Because it’s impossible that this smiling girl wanted to be friend with me._ ” _Lexa though._

“ _I-I’d like that.” she stuttered._

“ _Cool! Don’t forget to ask your parents then!_ ”

_Lexa nodded and with that Clarke left. Lexa was amazed it must be the best day of her whole life, she pressed her ball against herself like she was taking it in an embrace and smiled widely._

_Every day was the same for Lexa, but not this day, this one was different because of Clarke._

Lexa was thinking deeply when an incoming call brought her to the reality. It was an unknown number and she hesitated before answering.

“Hello?”

 She could heard a respiration on the other end of the phone, she was going to hang up when the interlocutor spoke.

“Lexa it’s Costia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger!! What do you think Costia wants from Lexa? Feedback and kudos are welcome!
> 
> PS: Tell me if you want more flashbacks of these two I like to write them!


	4. Chapter 4

“I don’t understand her, why did she react like this? It seemed like she was seeing me like a persecutor but I’ve done nothing to offense her and this stupid waitress!”

Clarke was pacing back and forth in Bellamy and Lincoln’s living room. They had an apartment near from the campus and Clarke came to see them because she didn’t feel really well after her argument with Lexa. She was trying to explain the situation to the boys who were currently playing at Street Fighter.

“You should have seen her, she was so weird with her pie’s slice and her serial killer’s gaze! She looked like she was going to kill her and keep her hairs to smell them before sleep! If I wasn’t there, Lexa or her remains could be in a ditch by now! And all I’ve got for being a good friend is a «you’re intruding in my life »as if I was the psycho!”

“Relax Clarke, knowing you two, you’re going to be in a huff some time and before you know you’ll be best friends again and all of this stupid argument will be forgotten!” said Lincoln without removing his glare of the television. Bellamy on the other hand was just approving what Lincoln was saying with his head.

“You don’t understand! All I wanted to do was to protect her! Costia has broken her heart and I don’t want her to suffer because of another stupid girl too blind to see how lucky she is! But she has been so aggressive toward me as if she thought about this for a while. ” Clarke sighed and continued “I don’t know if it means that maybe she doesn’t want me in her life and that she didn’t know how to tell me.”

Bellamy and Lincoln were still engrossed by the television and didn’t pay much attention to what Clarke was saying.

“Bellamy what do you think about it?” Clarke asked hopeful.

He didn’t answer, his Ken was losing against Lincoln’s Zangief and he was so into the fighting he didn’t notice his girlfriend was talking to him.

Clarke was exasperated and anxious, she had a pang in her heart and a bad feeling in her gut, she felt like she was about to vomit. Lexa was her best friend for so long, she couldn’t accept to lose her for something like that but at the same time, she was angry at her. She wanted to protect her because she loved her but Lexa’s reaction was excessive. After all, she has done nothing to hurt Lexa and if her behavior bothered her she just had to talk to her. This situation was entirely new for Clarke because they certainly had fights but not like this. This, was heavier as if it contained much than just what have been said by Lexa and that’s bothered Clarke. She didn’t know what to do, what to say and if they will pass over this.

 

***

Lexa was sitting on a bench, she was staring at the distance, remembering every second of her conversation with Costia. It was like a dream, but Lexa couldn’t decide if it was a good or a bad one. Costia wanted to talk to her head-to-head, she was going to come and travel just to talk to her. This prospect was scary and odd at the same time for Lexa. She wanted to know what Costia needed to tell her which required to see her. At the time, when Costia has asked to see her she didn’t say no because she was still stunned by her call but now, with recoil, she knew that it wasn’t a good idea. But she didn’t say no, and now she’s going to have a rendez-vous with her ex-girlfriend and she couldn’t ask Clarke for advice because she has just got everything out of her chest and hurt her best friend by the same time. She didn’t regret telling the truth, this was necessary but she couldn’t help thinking that she really needed Clarke now because she was the only person who knew everything about what happened between her and Costia. But on the other hand, Lexa knew that Clarke and Costia’s connection was complicated and that without considering their fight, Clarke will never be objective.

Lexa sighed deeply, she stood up from the bench and headed to see the only person who will not judge her and gave her the best advice thanks to her exterior viewpoint: Anya.

 

***

 

Clarke was looking at the screen, glancing systematically at her phone. The boys were still playing at Street Fighter but this time the combat was closer, they have both won one round and it was the final one. Bellamy’s Vega was wining against Lincoln’s Dhalsim but a combo of kick from him has resulted to make Vega losing his claw and to be momentary woozy. Lincoln took this opportunity to move closer to him and launch a yoga flame which had to effect to knock-out Bellamy’s Vega.

“Nooooooo! I was going to win! ”

“In your dreams Bell, you’ll never win against me! I’m the best! ”

“No you’re not! You cheated you used your flames against me! ”

“And? I don’t see where the problem is, it’s not like I have constantly beat this combination! Unlike you with your hadoken earlier. ”

“Oh shut up Linc.”

Clarke sighed, Lexa hasn’t texted her since their argument. She thought that maybe her best friend would admit that her reaction was excessive and they could act like nothing happened but it seemed that it wasn’t the case.

“Guys, I’m going to take some stuff in my dorm, can I stay with you some days?”

The boys seemed to be surprised and both looked at Clarke with worried faces.

“Of course Clarke, you can stay as long as you want.” said Lincoln compassionately.

“Yeah, Clarke it’s not a problem, O is coming pretty often to see us.” added Bellamy.

“Thanks guys.”

She waved them good bye before exited the apartment to take some clothes.

“She seems to be really affected by her quarrel with Lexa.” stated Lincoln looking at Bellamy.

“Yes.” sighed Bellamy.

“How are things between you two?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s not that I don’t like her you know but I’m tired. I’m feeling like I’m the only one in couple and it’s really irritating. She’s always talking about Lexa and I understand that because she’s her best friend but I’m tired of passing after her. ”

“Did you talk to her about that?”

“Yes, I mean no, I’ve tried but she doesn’t understand me. She said I was selfish for asking her to choose between us. ”

“You asked her to choose?!” exclaimed Lincoln taken aback.

“Kind of. She made me understand that she won’t give up on Lexa for me and that I’m selfish for asking her that. Which is not really wrong because it was stupid. ”

“Well yes it was stupid but she should make some effort for you. I mean, she has to reassure you and it’s not telling you that you’ll always pass after her best friend that will arrange things between you two. ”

“I don’t know if I want to arrange things.”

Lincoln looked at Bellamy frowning.

“You know when Clarke and I started to date, I was really happy because she was kind, funny and beautiful and she was already friends with O. I didn’t look at the other girls because she was totally enough for me I mean look at her she’s stunning. Her relationship with Lexa has always been a bit complicated to manage but it was not a problem. Everything became complicated when Lexa started to date Costia. Clarke was very jealous and she was always complaining because she was afraid to lose her best friend which is understandable. After their break up, everything returned to normal but now it’s starting to happen again and I don’t know if I can handle that. ”

“Wow. I didn’t know it was this complicated. I mean I knew it was difficult between you two because O told me but not to that point. ”

“Yeah.”

“What are going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll see what happens and I’ll make my decision.”

“Good luck, Bell.”

“Thanks.” Bellamy sighed.

 

***

 

Lexa was going to knock at the door of Anya’s dorm when she heard screams coming from the inside. She put her ear on the door and heard two distinct voices crying but she couldn’t understand what they were saying. She recognized her cousin’s voice but couldn’t place the other and tried to understand the argument’s content. She was trying to decide if she should leave or wait when someone opened the door quickly. Lexa didn't have time to hide so she found herself face to face with Raven.

“Raven? What are you doing here?”

Raven jumped and looked at Lexa with wide eyes. She didn’t have the time to respond because the door opened a second time.

“Raven I’m so… ”

Anya stopped in her track and her glance moved between Lexa and Raven. The surprise and the horror clearly visible on her face. They stay like that for barely a few seconds but it seemed to last much longer for the three of them. After a moment of suspicious glances and stunned faces, Raven cut the silence.

“I have to go. See you Lexa. ”

With that she left, leaving a disconcerted Lexa and a distraught Anya. Anya sighed deeply, she looked at Lexa with a hopeless glare and waved her to come in her dorm. They settled themselves quietly on Anya’s bed and rested in silence for a few minutes before Anya broke it.

“Why did you come?” she asked quietly touching the blanket with her fingertips like it was a sacred ornament.

Lexa stayed quiet for a while, just looking at Anya with a sorry look. She sighed still looking at Anya and put words on her thoughts.

“You and Raven have a thing.”

It was more a statement than anything else. Lexa looked at Anya to see into her, see if there was a spark of recognition in her cousin’s eyes behind the walls she has put in. Lexa wasn’t disappointed, it was not just a subtle spark, Anya’s eyes was screaming at her that she was right. Lexa took her cousin’s hand in hers and started to rub it with her thumb, making the same pattern Clarke used to do at her. Anya relaxed a bit thanks to the caress and glanced at Lexa with deep brown eyes.

“Yes.”

It didn’t seemed to be a confession for Lexa but more for Anya herself.

“We met at a party and we had sex.”

Even though it was a long time since Lexa and her cousin have seen each other, Lexa knew that this was so much more than just a sex thing for Anya. She didn’t know for Raven but she knew that for Anya it wasn’t nothing.

“We started to see each other regularly and she was… she was her and I wanted to date her because I kind of like her and she said no. ”

She knew Raven for a while now and she knew that she stopped dating after the whole story with Finn. But it still surprised Lexa because Raven seemed to be ready to change this behavior by the way she constantly escaped to see her mysterious girl.

“I pushed her too much, I know that but I really like her and I wanted to be official.”

Anya sighed deeply.

“And know I’ve lost her because I can’t wait. I’m so stupid Lex. ”

Lexa looked at her cousin with tenderness in her eyes.

“No you’re not, Anya. You wanted something from her and you told her, it’s not stupid. It’s being honest. You can’t reproach yourself to have desires and to want to make them true. ”

Anya’s remorse echoed strangely through Lexas and reinforced Lexa in her choice to tell Clarke the truth. A wave of bitterness crossed her stomach. The truth, what a funny word, it was a long time since the truth has disappeared between her and her best friend.

“I know.”

Lexa opened her arms and waved her cousin to come.

“Come here.”

They stayed in silence for a while, Lexa rubbing Anya’s scalp who was relaxing in the embrace. Anya wasn’t in the state to give advice and she didn’t want to bother her more so Lexa didn’t talk to her about Costia. Instead, Lexa offered to her cousin to stay with her for the night, like they always did when they were young.

 

***

 

Clarke has reached the dorm and she was glad that she didn’t bump into Lexa when she arrived. Coming back in the dorm was waking up her anger, she was seeing all of Lexa and her’s photos on the wall and she couldn’t help her blood boiling. She was taking savagely some clothes when Octavia entered without knocking.

“Oh Clarke you’re here!”

“Yes, it’s still my dorm I don’t know why you seem to be so surprised to see me.”

“Wow calm down. I’m not here to bother you I’m looking for Raven. ”

“Well she’s not here. There’s only me. ”

Octavia didn’t pick Clarke’s harsh answers up, instead she was looking at her weirdly. 

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” said Clarke filling a sack with her stuff.

“You’re cleaning your mess?” said Octavia trying to light the mood.

“We can say that, yes.”

Octavia sighed and sat on Clarke’s bed, just in front of the sack making complicated for Clarke to reach it.

“Okay, What’s happened between you and Lexa?”

Clarke stopped in her track and looked at Octavia surprised. Sometimes she forgot that Octavia knew her very well too. Perhaps not like Lexa but in just a few seconds she has understood the situation. She sat sheepishly next to Octavia and played with her foot.

“We had a fight.”

“Well, it doesn’t happen often but it happens, why are you taking your stuff?”

“Because I’m going to Lincoln and Bellamy’s apartment for a while.”

“Wow, Clarke, don’t you think it’s a little excessive? I mean, I don’t know what happened between you two but she’s your best friend. Does she know you’re leaving?”

“No of course no. She would never let me.”

“So why are you leaving? Go talk to her, you can’t avoid the problem and leave the situation like this. ”

Clarke sighed and rubbed her hands on her face.

“I need time that’s all, it’s not definitive.”

“I know that, but you’re going to rack your brain for nothing. Talk to her.”

“I don’t want to talk, ok? She made things clear enough.”

With these words, Clarke stood up and resumed the actions Octavia had interrupted.

Octavia looked at Clarke surprised and frowned.

“What do you mean exactly?”

“I mean that she’s getting sick of me!” exclaimed Clarke, throwing a shirt on her bed.

“Ok calm down.” Octavia reached for Clarke and took her wrist gently. “Explain what happened.”

And so Clarke did. She explained the waitress, Lexa’s irritation and her reaction. When she finished, Octavia was looking at her with a stoic face.

“Well it’s harsh but I can understand her. You weren’t easy when she was with Costia. ”

Clarke looked at Octavia with an air of recognition in the eyes. When Costia and Lexa were dating, Lexa became less interested by Clarke and less presented for her. It was a situation very difficult to accept for Clarke because this never happened before. Lexa had girlfriends, but it wasn’t really serious. Costia was Lexa first real girlfriend and Lexa spent a lot of time with her. They were close and it was bothering Clarke because Lexa has always been the person she loved the more in the world but now she had to share with someone else. With a someone else who seemed to keep wanting to separate them. With a someone else who seemed to do everything in her power to be insufferable in Clarke’s eyes.

 

With this realization came memories of one of her many struggle against Costia in Lexa’s back.

 _They were sitting in Lexa’s living room, Aïcha and Gustus, Lexa’s parents were at work while her daughter and the two most important girls in her life were watching a movie on the couch. Lexa was sitting in the middle, with Costia’s head on her left shoulder while Clarke’s legs were on her lap. Lexa was enjoying the display of affection from both of the two girls_ _and was_ _absolutely not aware of the eyes battle between Clarke and Costia. The two girls couldn't stand each other, each finding the other unbearable.  To Lexa it was a cool Saturday’s afternoon with her best friend and her girlfriend, but for the girls it was just another moment passed to play comedy. Lexa was totally in the movie, laughing and making some comment about the actions in the screen while the two girls were launching torpedo, missiles and other weapons of mass destruction to the other by furious glare. Just before the tension could explode, Costia broke the silence and ask Lexa to bring some ice cream. Lexa comply without discussion but didn't miss to press pause before heading to the kitchen._

_The girls glanced at each other with a spark of anger in the eyes but didn't say a word. They waited for Lexa's return and when she came, acted as if they weren't going to kill each other. This situation has begun at their first encounter, Clarke was tired of Costia's need of Lexa’s total attention and Costia was sick of Clarke's habit of always wanting Lexa to prove that she loved her._

_Because of these possessive behaviors, both girls couldn't bear to share the person they love with someone else especially with the other._

_Lexa gave the girls one cone each and resumed the movie which was in pause. The girls' attention on their ice cream, the tension decreased slowly. It was when Lexa was about to finish her ice cream that it increased abruptly. Clarke was looking at Lexa expectancy knowing well that Lexa always gave her the end of her cone when she saw that Costia was doing the same. Both girls wanted the end of cone where there was chocolate, but they were waiting fort Lexa to choose who was going to be the lucky winner. The battle of glance started again but this time the girls knew this was going to judge who between the two has won for the day. This situation became soon disproportionate, the end of the cone was going to be the trophy for Lexa's chosen favorite, as if they were in the bachelor._

_Lexa seemed to be completely unaware of the situation, she was totally into the movie. It was just when she reached the last part of her cone that she stopped looking at the TV to looking at the precious piece of chocolate. Lexa stole a glance toward Clarke then toward Costia like she was estimating what choice she will regret less. After a moment of doubt, Lexa sighed closing her eyes like she was making a prayer and handed the last part of her cone to Costia._

“ _There, baby.”_

_Costia feigned to be surprised by Lexa’s act of love and took the trophy looking directly at Clarke with a snarky spark in the eyes while she thanked Lexa with a chaste kiss on the lips._

_Clarke was internally pouting while Costia was enjoying her victory which was making a weird atmosphere in the room but nobody said anything. After that, the afternoon passed quickly and it was time for Costia to come back home. Clarke was going to stay in Lexa’s house which was also like her house because she knew the Woods’family since forever. This was the only idea which made Clarke bore Costia’s «victory »of the day. She was like a Woods, Lexa’s parents loved her and made it pretty clear that even though their daughter was dating Costia, she was their favorite. So when Costia finished to kiss Lexa good bye, Clarke took a mischievous delight to say Costia good bye with a wide smile while slamming the door quickly._

Octavia was right, she couldn’t leave like that, even if it was just for some days. She had to discuss with Lexa and perhaps apology for her behavior.

 

“You’re right O, I should stay to talk to her.”

“Wow Clarke Griffin saying that I’m right! Can you say it again so I can record it?” asked Octavia playfully.

“Shut up.” Clarke said hitting her friend lightly in the arm.

“So, I’m going to see Lincoln, do you want me to say something to my brother?”

“Yes, tell him I’m sorry but I’ve changed my mind and that I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

Octavia nodded and took Clarke by the shoulders.

“Don’t forget, don’t dig your heels in, okay?”

“Yes.” said Clarke feigning to be exasperated.

Octavia smiled lightly and hugged Clarke before leaving.

Clarke was resolute to settle her argument with Lexa and talk about it even if it took the night. She tidied the clothes she has previously taken to put in the sack and when she finished sat on Lexa’s bed, thinking at how she was going to approach the discussion.

Clarke waited for a long time for Lexa to arrive, it was just when her phone indicated that it was 2AM that she has though to call her but she didn’t want to push too much. After all, it was her who escaped the conversation and left the coffee. Although that, this night Clarke couldn’t prevent herself from sobbing in Lexa’s pillow, tears of culpability covering her cheeks before she fell asleep some time later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry for the delay, I wasn't in the mood to write.  
> But I'm back and I hope you've enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Ps: I'm sorry for all the Street fighter stuff


	5. Chapter 5

When people argue together, people who love and cherish each other, there is a moment when both know that there will not be a possible come back. They know perfectly that's the last time they'll talk because the line have been crossed. Words have weight, significations, words are fiercer than hits or slap. When a hit can cause a wound, it makes pain just on the spot of the hit. But words, words can destroy a well human being, they can cause so much pain and wounds which won't heal. How can you heal something you can't touch or have an impact on? You can try a lot, fight for the relationship if you think it's worth it but sometimes it's better to stop fighting, because sometimes the answers come when you don't look for it. So you leave, you leave this relationship for your own safety. Nevertheless, you know it will be hard to leave with all your history, so you use all your memories to seal the hole, to close this biting wound. You put your whole memory about this relationship the farthest possible to make it easier.

 

Lexa knew this too well, that was why she absolutely didn’t expect Costia to call her. After all that happened between them, she knew the pain might be strong for her. It wasn’t an egocentric thought, it was just a statement because she knew that she couldn’t bear what she has done if she was in her position. Lexa knew their reunion shouldn’t happen well but she couldn’t bring herself to say no to Costia, not after their story. If Costia wanted to slap her or to insult she has all the right to do it, she deserved it after all. Although that, Lexa couldn’t help herself wondering why this rendez-vous now. They have broken up during the summer before their respective entry in university, which gave many time to express her resentment. It was with all these thoughts that Lexa started her morning. She has slept in Anya’s dorm, after a night of talking and reassuring her cousin. All this to say that she hasn’t really slept especially with the thoughts of her argument with Clarke and the perspective of her meeting with Costia on the very day.

Lexa was thinking deeply when she realized that Anya wasn’t in the room. She didn’t know how she hasn’t noticed her absence before, but her cousin was definitely not here. She stiffened in the bed and looked quickly to the time on her phone. She sighed eased: it was only 8AM, she wasn’t late to her first class on the day. With this in her mind, she relaxed a little and started to climb off of the bed. She grabbed her stuff and changed herself from the pajamas Anya gave her last night. When she was about to leave, she took her phone to text Anya that she has left before closing the door and heading to her dorm.

The way to the dorm seemed to last less long than before for Lexa. She was apprehensive of seeing Clarke and of the possible discussion she’ll have to face with her. After a few minutes of walking on the campus she arrived in front of her dorm’s building.

She hesitated to get back and head directly to her first class but she pushed herself to affront the situation. She reached the door of the dorm she shared with her best friend and halted in front of it. She stopped breathing almost instantly to see if Clarke was still in here, praying secretly for her absence. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to her but she wasn’t ready to deal with an angry Clarke right now. Especially knowing that she will not be able to speak truthfully from the heart. Lexa sighed deeply and entered the room.

She was greeted by a Clarke standing in the middle of the dorm with her bag, ready to leave for her class. Clarke stopped in her track and looked at Lexa stunned. They glared at each other for a while, waiting for the other to leave or speak. To tell the truth, Lexa didn’t know which one she feared the most. Time flew by slowly, giving enough space for both girls to think about their next move. Suddenly, Clarke put her bag on the ground and broke the silence.

“Lexa, we need to talk.”

Lexa didn’t have the time to answer that Clarke was already talking.

“I know that I haven’t been a good best friend for you. You’ve opened up to me and all I’ve done is running away from you and the problem. I shouldn’t have left the coffee when you told me what was bothering you and I’m sorry.”

“Clarke, I…”

“No Lexa, please let me finish. As I was saying, I shouldn’t have left the coffee before talking to you. But to add in my defense, you didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk with me. However, I can’t say I left just because of you. The truth is that I was afraid because I knew deep down that you were right and I needed O to remind myself how an awful best friend I have been with you when you were with Costia.”

At the mention of her ex, Lexa tensed a bit. She didn’t expect Clarke to talk about her even less about her behavior with her when she was with Costia. She was so surprised by Clarke statement that she didn’t see her best friend looking at her with worry in her eyes.

“I understand if you want to take some distance with me, I mean you’ve already slept somewhere last night. But I hope that you still want to be friend with me, even if we’re not best friend anymore.”

Lexa could clearly hear the pain behind Clarke’s words.

Of course Clarke was worried, she was her best friend after all. She didn’t mean to be so invasive in Lexa’s love life, it was just her way of acting with her. Indeed, she didn’t change anything, she has always acted like this with her. Lexa looked at Clarke and couldn’t help herself for feeling compassion for her best friend. She has suddenly criticized Clarke’s behavior without preamble. If for Lexa it was just a little argument where she wanted to prove a point, she absolutely didn’t want to turn her back to Clarke. She has been unfair with her friend and she didn’t realize it until now. Now that she was in front of Clarke, her Clarke with tears threatening to run on her face. Her Clarke who has thought about what she did wrong at the second she left.

Lexa didn’t think much when she scrambled toward Clarke and took her in an embrace. She hold her tight so much as if the more she was pressing their two bodies, the more she could erase Clarke’s pain. She didn’t loosen her hold even when Clarke relaxed in her arms. At first Clarke was surprised by Lexa’s gesture, she has imagined scenarios of their reunion but this hasn’t crossed in her mind and God knew how much she preferred this version.

“I’m sorry Clarke, I’m so so sorry.” said Lexa still gripping at her best friend as if the world was going to fall apart if she loosen her grip.

Clarke smiled eased in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

“I didn’t mean to worry you. It was just something bothering me but I should have told you calmly. I’m sorry that I made you cogitate about this for so long, you’re my best friend and nothing can change that, however the issues you're my family and my home.”

Now Clarke was crying in Lexa’s neck, sniffing and soaking Lexa’s shoulder with her tears

Lexa took her head with her hands on each side and looked straightly in her eyes.

“Don’t you dare think I can live without you because I can’t. I’m sorry to tell you that you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life Miss Griffin. And you know why, Clarke?”

Clarke smiled lightly remembering little Clarke and little Lexa talking about the future. At this time, their futures were already combined together.

“Because we’re going to have two neighbors house where we’ll live with our many significant lovers, we will share all of our afternoon together chattering and criticizing all of our other neighbors and playing rummy like grandfather and grandmother’s Woods. And when we’ll be mother, our children will be best friend in turn because how can they not be?”

The girls laughed quickly rubbing their cheeks to erase all the mark of sadness. They hugged again, this time, it was less strong but it was carrying all the love and the caring the girls felt for the other. When they separated Clarke spoke.

“I think we still need to talk. I don’t want to lose you, Lex and we still need to get to the bottom of this issue.”

“I know but I don’t know what to say.” she replied moving in the room and sitting on her bed, her shoulders lowered slightly.

“It’s just that you’re…” Lexa sighed deeply.

“I am?” Clarke asked, sitting next to her best friend. She started to rub the girl’s knee with her hand, making some circles.

Lexa took her courage in both hands and continued her thoughts.

“You’re always pushing me and then pulling me, as if you wanted to control whoever I should date or no.”

“Lex, when I said that we have to solve the issues I was meaning deeply. The time we were apart enabled me to think about what you’ve said. So I thought about us and I analyzed our respective behavior. You’ve never complained about my behavior before so I arrived at two possibilities. You want to hear them?”

Lexa nodded lightly, worried about what was coming next from her best friend’s mouth.

“Either you’ve thought this way for a long time but you didn’t say it because you didn’t want to quarrel with me which I doubt very much, or, you think I’m responsible of your break up with Costia, which seems to be the most logical.”

Lexa’s reaction didn’t take long to come, her eyes got literally out of their orbits. Lexa’s heart started to beat hard in her chest, her hands started being sweaty and she couldn’t bring herself to the reality. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to act as normally as possible.

Clarke looked at her intensely and suddenly sighed.

“Well, your reaction talk for you. To tell the truth I needed O to realize this and after pondering about it I couldn’t stop myself to think that you were so right. I was unfair with you and I didn’t realize it before yesterday.”

Clarke took a deep breath before continuing.

“I’m so so sorry Lex, I didn’t want this to happen to you, I shouldn’t have been so bad with Costia. She was your girlfriend and I was worried you wanted to replace me. I know it’s stupid but I have never met someone who understand me like you Lex and I didn’t want to lose you.”

She looked at Lexa straight in the eyes, each sincere words leaving her mouth carrying silent apologies.

“I know it’s too late with Costia but I can help with whoever the girl you want! Whether it is Harper or the cute librarian girl, even the creepy waitress, I’ll do whatever you want to fix this. And once again I’m really sorry, Lex. ”

Clarke looked at Lexa expectantly while her best friend was completely lost. She had to repeat what Clarke has said in her head to formulate an acceptable answer and finally was able to talk.

“I didn’t expect you were going to say that.”

Lexa said looking at her hands. She could sense Clarke tensing beside her and tried to soften the atmosphere.

“You know I don’t need you to get a girl, right?”

Clarke chuckled lightly.

“Of course, you're the Commander, darling of the ladies.”

They chuckled looking at each other. It was an inside joke between them, Lexa has always had success with girls even the straight one and Clarke couldn’t help herself to annoy Lexa with it. 

“But Lex, more seriously, are we ok?”

Lexa grabbed Clarke hand and started making pattern with her thumb like her best friend has always done for her.

“Of course we are, Clarke. I know it can sound a bit stupid but to me it was just a little argument, I didn’t want to make you feel this bad. ”

“So you wanted to make me feel bad?” asked Clarke with a sheepish smile.

“Maybe a little.” said Lexa with a smirk.

“You’re a bitch!” exclaimed Clarke, shoving Lexa lightly.

“Yes, but I’m your favorite!”

“Unfortunately!”

“Hey!”

This time it was Lexa who shoved Clarke. The girls chuckled a bit embarrassed because after their conversation, they didn’t know what to do. It was like the blank was blocking them and Lexa who was still caressing Clarke’s hand and started to wonder if it wasn’t weird. Clarke seemed to feel Lexa’s questioning because she clenched her hand on Lexa's and grabbed her for a hug. The girls were enjoying the warm contact when Clarke broke the silence.

“Where did you go last night?” Clarke asked, her heart beating, as if she was fearing the answer.

Lexa remove her head on the crook of Clarke’s neck and answered.

“I was at Anya’s dorm.”

This information seemed to cry out Clarke because she straighten up on the bed.

“Why? I mean I know she is your cousin but you too are not as close as when we were young. ”

“You’re afraid I replace you?” teased Lexa.

Clarke seemed to not be at ease at all, as if she didn’t know if Lexa was referring at her behavior also the cause of their argument for joking or not. Lexa understood quite immediately and reassured Clarke instantly.

“I was messing around, Clarke. I’ve already told you I’m not angry with you. And to answer your question it was because she didn’t feel well so I stayed to comfort her.”

Clarke eased and couldn’t help but furrowed.

“How’s that she didn’t feel well? What happened?”

Lexa sighed a bit and looked at Clarke.

“I know I shouldn’t tell you but you’re my best friend and you know Raven better than me so maybe you can help.”

“Raven? What has Raven to do with Anya not feeling well? Oh no, don’t tell me that they…”

“Yes they are. And Anya wasn’t feeling well because it appeared that Raven didn’t want her at least officially.”

“So Anya was Raven secret girl. It explains why she wasn’t feeling good the Saturday of your first training!”

Clarke was acting like she has discovered the secret of the century, she was leaning with her hand under her chin. Lexa could tell that Clarke was thinking of how she was going to act and it didn’t please Lexa because her best friend has a tendency to always want to arrange things.

“Yeah. But it’s their relationship, we can’t interfere in!”

Clarke looked up to Lexa and nodded.

“I know Lex, but I think that if I talk to Raven I can change her mind.”

“Claaaaarke.” Lexa whined “You can’t, it’s not our business!”

“But I’m sure that Raven likes Anya as much as Anya likes her. They just need a little help!”

Lexa sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you! You’re always putting your nose into others business!”

“I’m not!” Clarke tried to defend herself.

Lexa didn’t bother to respond, she just raised her eyebrows in Clarke’s direction with a fake shock.

Clarke giggled and pushed Lexa’s face with her hand.

“Ok maybe but it’s for their wellbeing!”

Lexa narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

“Anyway, what do you want to do?” asked Clarke turning herself completely toward Lexa.

“Why are you acting like we don’t have classes to go?” said Lexa chuckling.

“Maybe because we are already late? Come on Lex I want to spend some time with you! I’ve missed you! We can go this afternoon. ”

Lexa looked skeptical but accepted eventually.

“Okay, what do you want to do?”

She was finishing her sentence when Clarke took her in embrace.

“Yeaaah our duo is back! We could watch a movie and go to eat some junk food like you love!” exclaimed Clarke wryly.

The morning passed rather quickly, the girls enjoyed themselves, laughing and talking about the movie. They had a blast together about an actress who oddly looked like Octavia and at this point didn’t even remember they have been on bad terms. They ate together before separating to head toward their different classes.

The girls separated with a quick kiss on the cheeks, leaving Lexa alone with the thoughts of her rendez-vous with her ex. She wasn’t going to tell Clarke anything about this appointment, she didn’t want Clarke to know that she was seeing Costia particularly because she didn’t want to explain the real reason of their break up. She headed toward the building of her afternoon's class and couldn't help herself to worry about what was going to happen during her reunion with Costia. She knew she shouldn't but she was starting to think that she better not go to the appointment. After all, Costia admittedly knew she was at Polis University but not what she was studying and with the size of the campus she could certainly pass unnoticed for a while. These thoughts kept company to Lexa most of the time in class instead of the habitual questions and understanding which crossed her mind.

This was what made her take a decision, she was going to see Costia no matter what because she couldn’t afford to think about what was going to happen if she ever find her while she was studying. That was why when the ring belled she grabbed all her stuff quickly and headed directly toward the coffee near the campus. It was not the same where she had an argument with Clarke, this one was much far from the campus and it was perfect because she didn’t know if she could bear having to walk too long. It was not because of the effort because Lexa was kind of sport addict but more because she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t have made a U-turn if she had more time to think about the encounter.

Prying silently to not bump into someone she knew, Lexa reached the coffee. The first thing she noticed when she took a glance inside was that Costia was already there. She has chosen a table close to the bar where people order their drink and was looking at hers. Lexa was now inside and was wondering if all of this was a good idea. Before she could make the decision on moving toward Costia or toward the exit, the girl looked up and saw her. Lexa was ready for everything, the screams, the insults, even the punches but she absolutely didn’t expect what happened: Costia smiled at her. It was not the brightest smile she has seen her carrying but it was one and it was so much frightening than a slap. Lexa has no escape now so she quite reluctantly made her way toward Costia’s table.

When she reached the table, Costia stood up and took her in an embrace. That was it, Lexa must be in a daydream because there was no way Costia was hugging her, not after what happened between them.  Costia released the embrace and looked straight in Lexa’s eyes.

“It has been a while Lex.”

Lexa didn’t know what to say because she didn’t know if she was in the real dimension right now. Her mouth formulated an answer while her brain was trying to put all the pieces together.

“Yeah.”

Costia seemed to be taken aback by the answer but regained her composure and chuckled lightly.

“I’m not going to murder you Lex, you don’t have to worry about me.”

She gestured to Lexa to sit while she headed to the bar ordering a drink for her, Lexa seemed to not be in a state of moving now. During the time Costia has left the table, Lexa had all the time to get a grip on herself. So when Costia came back, she was herself again and ready to hear what Costia want to say.

“Here, I’ve ordered you a cappuccino and there is no point arguing because I know you like cream with you coffee Lex. Your «I drink my coffee black »is not working on me.”

“Right.” Lexa chuckled making Costia smile

“So what do you want to talk about? I mean you want to talk about something right?” Lexa stuttered.

“Yes. But don’t be so overdramatic Lex, you have nothing to worry about. ”

“Okay.”

Costia took a deep breath and started.

“So it can appear to be stupid but I want to have you back in my life. I’m not talking about a love relationship at least not now but the time we were apart made me realize that you’re not just a random ex to me. You’re so much more than that, you really count for me and I don’t think I should have broken up with you.”

Lexa was literally in another planet she didn’t know what to think or what to say, she was just there trying to listen at Costia’s speech.

“I know it’s too late or maybe it’s not but for now, let me tell you that I really care about you and I want you to be a part of my life.”

Lexa took a while, repeating all of Costia’s words, trying to understand where she has misunderstood because Costia couldn’t want her back after what happened between them. The more she was thinking about the more she was acknowledging what Costia has said.

“You want me back?” were the first words escaping her mouth reassuring a worried Costia.

“I know it’s kind of strange after my reaction when I found out about your feelings for Clarke but I guess that I couldn’t bring myself to forget you.” Costia said sheepisly.

Lexa’s mind and heart have stopped at Clarke. She couldn’t help the pang in her chest and the unpleasant wave she felt in her gut. Of course Costia was going to talk about this, it was her worst shame, the worst thing she has ever done even though she didn’t do anything. Lexa knew too well that it was the reason why the two broke up but she has hoped that maybe Costia will not mention it.

 “I know that according to your Facebook account you’re single, otherwise I wouldn't ask you to take a second chance with me.”

Lexa took a deep breath, as if she was inhaling all the bravery of the world.

“You know that they are still topical…”

Costia interrupted Lexa in mid-sentence.

“You’re in a relationship with her, of course I’m stupid, I shouldn’t have come.” she said raising from her chair. Lexa reached for her wrist and sat her down.

“No we aren’t, I didn’t do anything about this and I will not. You know me, you know us, our dynamic, I will never put these selfish feelings between her and I. She’s my best friend and I don’t want to lose her so no I’m not in a relationship with Clarke.”

Lexa saw that Costia was looking at her expectantly so she continued.

“I still have feelings for you and I’ve missed you too, by the way.”

Costia seemed to be reassured by Lexa’s statement and smiled widely. They agreed to stay in contact to pick up the pieces of their past relationship together. They talked for a while, during all of their conversation Lexa couldn’t help feeling like she didn’t deserve Costia and Clarke. They kissed each other on cheek to say good bye before Lexa had to leave to her dorm. 

 

When Lexa reached the dorm she was greeted by Clarke sitting on her bed, painting her toes nails while singing along her Spotify’s playlist. Clarke was leaning on herself, her tong poking out of her mouth humming as her song of the moment passed. Lexa knew this wasn’t right but she looked at Clarke for a moment, enjoying the blond curls falling slightly on her face, her raspy voice and the finesse of all her movements. It was moment like that which was remembering her why she fell so deep in love for her best friend, why she constantly hope that one day things will change.

“You didn’t go to class did you?” she asked coming to her senses.

Clarke didn’t looked up from her action but still answered.

“Nope.”

Lexa put her bag on her bed and sat beside Clarke.

“You know that you’ll have to catch up for you absence right?” 

“Lex I don’t want to talk about classes, I’m tired.”

“Of course you don’t, you’re such a thug.”

“I’m not a thug! I just needed some time for me.”

“You are, you’re a bad company for me! I should’ve listen to my mother!”

“Your mother didn’t say I was a bad company! She loves me!” Clarke pouted.

“Of course she didn’t. She was too grateful for the angel coming to save her daughter of her solitude’s tour.” Lexa said, her glare falling on her hands.

Clarke stopped instantaneously her activity and looked at Lexa. She took her chin in her hand and made her best friend to look at her.

“Lex, you didn’t need a savior, you just need someone to look at you and see the amazing person you are.”

With that she released Lexa’s chin and continued her previous occupation.

Lexa was stocked on Clarke and she couldn’t help herself to think that maybe, maybe one day things will change between them and Clarke will really see her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you didn't see that coming from too far, Lexa has feelings for Clarke but don't want to act on them, for now...  
> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!  
> Feedback and kudos are welcome!


	6. Chapter 6

“ _I think we should stop.”_

“ _Stop what?”_

_Costia sighed. She was looking at the window as if the world was screaming her to don’t do this._

“Us _._ ”

Lexa was in her criminology class, writing what the university lecturer was saying. She has always been a huge fan of all the things related to the law and justice. If you would ask her when this passion started, she would probably answer that it started at her birth as if it was a part of her. And a part of her it was certain, but not for the reasons people could imagine. Since her earliest childhood, Lexa has suffered from racism and poverty. She was born from the love of Gustus and Aïcha Woods, a mixed couple making her the target of an immeasurable number of racist commentaries and disgust glares.

Her father worked at a stone quarry while her mother was a part-time cleaner for a software company. No need to tell that they didn’t have much money but they didn’t care. Well, they didn’t care most of the time. Lexa didn’t really know about the meaning of their situation before she entered in elementary school and kids started to make fun of her because of her clothes. It wasn’t her fault if she hadn’t many and that they weren’t fashionable and she would never ask her parents to buy her clothes much expensive. Nowadays, Lexa wasn’t the type to not show resistance but at the time she was a child, she couldn’t bring herself to speak and stop the kids for bothering her. It was really difficult to her and she didn’t want to bother her parents with this because they had already their amount of problems with the invoices and the treatments for her grandmother’s disease, so she didn’t say anything, waiting to be in her bed at night to cry. The others kids at school continued to laugh at her and Lexa didn’t say anything during a whole month. A month, until one day, one of her professor called her parents to let them know what happens at school and that they should do something about it. The look her parents gave to each other broke Lexa’s heart, it was a mix between shame and pain and she could clearly see how much her parents were hurt for her. Her mother found another job in parallel of her actual at the company while her father made overtime to pay her new clothes. Her parents did this during two months until they change all her wardrobe. After that, they resumed their life enjoying the decrease of their work hours.

 

When Lexa arrived at school with her new clothes, the kids let her to bother someone else. This day Lexa wondered why her parents have been working extra time to buy her clothes when the parents of her classmates didn’t have to. Why, when they had all the new toys she had to play with stones and ants. It was this day Lexa started to be interested by words like equality, rights and justice.

Although everything, Lexa never complained because she loved her life this way. At week end, when her classmates hung out with their friends or went to cinema and restaurant with their family, Lexa played soccer with her father on his worksite. When they would came back late during the evening, her mother would prepared crepes and they would talk about their day, she loved moments like that. After dinner her father would carve wood sticks making them look like animals or humans. Lexa loved to play with it but what she loved above all was playing soccer with her father, so when they pierced her ball on a sharp stone during one of their match, Lexa was really sad. That was why when her uncle came to visit them for her birthday and brought her a beautiful blue ball she was overly excited. It was like her treasure the evidence that she too could have something beautiful.

Lexa was aware all of the inequalities and injustices of our society, that was why she wanted to help people but she didn’t know how. What changed everything was the day she saw the only person who has ever talked to her without thinking she was weird, being bullied during playground. How could people be so mean with someone as kind and soft as Clarke? A group of three boys has been pushing Clarke on the ground, making her glasses fall and insulted her of miss know-it-all. Clarke was already sobbing on the ground, her knees scratched when Lexa intervened. She punched one of the three boys in the gut and hit another in the head. The third looked at his two friends crying out in pain and at Lexa, he opened his eyes widely, fear palpable in the glare. He ran away before Lexa could even blink allowing her to pick up Clarke’s glasses and approach her. She kneeled in front of her and took her in an embrace, stroking her back gently. It was the first time Lexa witnessed that Clarke was being bullied but she knew at the way Clarke broke down in sobs and the way she didn’t bother to glance at her assailants that the girl was used to these kind of behaviors. This thought caused Lexa’s heart to ache, hurt by seeing her friend sad and hurt by these kids. This made Lexa remember about her own struggle when she first arrived at the elementary school however, this hurt so much more than what she came through. Maybe because Clarke was someone she really cared for and she didn’t want to see her suffer because of the others’ stupidity and cruelty. 

At this moment she knew that she will make everything to become someone that stand up for people who can’t.

“Hey, Lexa.”

She turned her head toward the voice to see Lincoln, leaning over his table to talk to her.

“Hey.” she said waving lightly.

Lincoln smiled at the gesture and looked at her.

“I heard that you and Clarke have solved your problems.”

“Yeah, well it wasn't problems, it was more a misunderstanding.”

“It seemed to be a big thing for Clarke.” Lincoln stated.

“You know Clarke, she’s always worrying for nothing.”

Lincoln chuckled lightly at that.

“Yes, but I also know you, and I know that you’re not the kind of person who argue if there is nothing.” he pointed looking seriously at her.

His statement wasn’t to prove a point but more to push Lexa to talk to him if there was something that she didn’t want to say to Clarke. Even though he knew that if she didn’t want to tell Clarke she wouldn’t tell him, he had to try. After all, Lexa was his friend too and although that he knew that she didn’t trust people especially people who weren’t Clarke, he wanted to make her feel that she was a part of their little group too.

He stayed like this, looking at her for what seemed like one hour for Lexa. Finally, he broke the silence, changing the subject at the same time.

“Bell and I organize a party at the apartment, you should come by, there will be the habitual crew and other people you don’t know but you’ll not be obliged to talk to them.”

Lexa could sense Lincoln was trying to be friendly with her, it seemed like he was thinking she would say no which she of course wanted but for an obscure reason she didn’t. Instead she found herself saying yes and smiling lightly to the young man.

 

Her classes of the day passed quickly and Lexa was now on her way back to her dorm. She stopped to the coffee shop, taking her habitual order and Clarkes to bring it to her knowing she will be at the dorm. She was trying to walk quickly to maintain Clarke’s drink hot but she couldn’t bring herself to accelerate too much. It wasn’t her fault if she liked this period of the year so much. It was the last part of autumn, they were approaching winter and Lexa loved this. Winter was Lexa’s favorite season so far, maybe because it brought many warm memories with it, she didn’t really know. But she knew that she loved to feel the cool wind in her hair, the sensation of a warm drink when all her body was craving for it and of course her family.

When she was young, she and her parents would stay on the couch under a blanket waiting for her uncle to come over. He would bring with him his special gratin Dauphinois and they would eat it while he would tell them stories about his life of adventurer. Lexa was fond of her uncle’s stories, especially when the few ones were involving customs and cultures of other countries.

“ _What do you mean by us?”_

 _Costia’s look was focused on the outside’s view. She couldn’t look at Lexa, not now, not after what she came through._ ”

“ _You love her.”_

When Lexa reached her dorm she saw that Clarke wasn’t alone in the room, Octavia and Raven were there, talking animatedly about something.

“Come on Ray, it will be fun!” exclaimed Octavia

“I don’t know, I’m pretty tired.”

Octavia looked at her incredulously.

“Since when you’re too tired to party?”

“Since I’m in College and I need to be responsible!”

“Is it because you have a rendez-vous with your secret lover?”

Raven’s eyes were opened widely, her mouth was forming an "o". She seemed to be completely taken aback by Octavia’s statement. Clarke was glaring at her, quietly putting the right pieces together and just when she was going to intervene, Lexa interrupted the carnage.

“I see I’m not the only one who suffer from the couple Linctavia today.”

This statement made Octavia forgot her primary mission to focus herself on Lexa.

“Perfect Lexa you’re here, I was trying to convince this moron to go to the party you have been cordially invited.”

Octavia came nearer of Lexa narrowing her eyes.

“Because you’re coming, right?”

It was more a threat than a question and Lexa knew too well that she couldn’t say no after saying yes to Lincoln. Octavia must already know that she had say yes to her boyfriend and Lexa was absolutely not ready for the cataclysm which is Octavia.

Lincoln and Octavia were like a team, well a curious and ridiculous team. Sometimes they made her think to Jessie and James from the Team Rocket, they strangely complete each other but their plans were considerably better and Octavia was much more terrifying than Jessie.

“Don’t look at me like that Lexy, you know you can’t take back answer.”

“No I wasn’t going to retract myself I… ”

“Good.” Octavia clapped her hands together and turned her body toward Raven. “And only one remained.”

Clarke chuckled at Octavia’s actions and made a sign to Lexa to sit next to her. Lexa put her bag on the ground, removed her shoes and took Clarke’s drink and hers before climbing on her bed.

“Thanks.” Clarke said, taking a sip of the drink.

“How was your day?” she asked gently tapping on Lexa’s leg.

«Great, the sticky guy who always sat next to me during English literature wasn’t there today and there were pears at the cafeteria.”

Clarke smiled enjoying the warmth of her drink.

“So it was basically a good day?”

“Yes, but I would prefer eat with you at lunch, eating alone was not my favorite activity of the day.”

“Aaaaw, you’ve missed your bestie, Lexy?”

Lexa shoved Clarke’s shoulder lightly. “Don’t call me that!”

“You’re not denying it.”

“Shut up.”

Clarke chuckled while drinking, causing her to shock on the liquid.

“You got what you deserved.” mumbled Lexa.

They could hear that the two others girls in the room were talking but it was as if their talk didn’t make it to their brains already tied up with one other. It was like this since they started to be friends at elementary school. They would always find themselves in a bubble which nobody could penetrate or break. The world around them disappeared and the two girls would talk about everything they have in their minds for hours. They had the habit to pass much time together during a normal day and even though they were at college with different classes they tried to keep this close relationship. It was difficult for people to find their place in this relationship because it seemed that there was no space to give and to take for someone.

 

“And you how was your day without me?”

“Horrendous.”

“What happened?” Lexa asked a bit worried for her best friend.

“Well I started the day by being late at my first class.”

“As always.” murmured Lexa.

“I’m not always late!”

“You are!” Lexa exclaimed pointing to Clarke with her forefinger.

“Excuse me for not being 15 minutes early for each of my classes!” Clarke said crossing her arms on her chest.

“There’s nothing wrong by being punctual if you even know what this word means.” Lexa replied putting her finished drink on the ground.

“You’re so mean to me.” Clarke said faking to pout and turning her body completely to the right, avoiding her best friend. Lexa reached for Clarke but the girl didn’t want to move, obviously taking to heart her acting. So Lexa did what she must to do to win against a pouting Clarke, she pushed her to her side making her lean on the bed and started to hug her whispering some excuses to the girl.

“Lexaaaaa you’re crushing me!”

“So you’re not moping anymore?”

“I don’t know if you deserve it! Now remove your heavy body off of me!”

“I’ll push my heavy body when you’ll stop pouting!”

They were struggling together for a few minutes when Octavia interrupted them.

“Seriously girls stop doing your wrestling thing and help me convince Ray to go!”

The two best friends stopped their activity and looked at their two friends then refocused on each other. Normal people would think that the girls were acting strangely with each other but Octavia and Raven were used to their need to be close and they didn’t even look up when the girls started to giggle like two stupid lovers. For Lexa’s viewpoint it was a habit, a dangerous habit she couldn’t bring herself to lose because she couldn’t stop herself needing to be the nearest to Clarke.

It was a knock at the door that made all the girls stop their «fighting ». Octavia reached for the door handle and opened the door quickly, thinking of an error. When she opened the door, she was greeted by a tall Asian girl who seemed stunned to see her.

“Hi, I’m Anya, um Lexa’s cousin, is she here?” she asked uncertain.

Octavia’s narrowing eyes opened and she smiled widely.

“Hi, yes she’s here. You can enter. ”

Anya entered in the dorm but stopped deadly in her track at the sight of Raven. There was like a suspended moment where Octavia looked at Anya suspiciously and all the people in the room stayed quiet. Lexa climb quickly off the bed, she grabbed Anya by the arm and excused themselves from the group.

When the door was closed, Octavia approached Raven and looked at her deep into the eyes.

“What was that?”

“What was what?” Raven answered, keeping the eyes contact with her friend.

“You know what I mean, everything is alright, she enters and you’re looking like you’re searching for the best way to escape.”

“Octavia stop being so suspicious, she must have been surprised by the girl’s height or by the fact she’s Lexa’s cousin.” Clarke interjected saving Raven by the same time.

“Yes you’re right. I’m sorry Ray. ”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s already forgotten.”

Clarke and Raven exchanged a sort of knowing look, you could sense Raven relief and gratefulness for Clarke’s intervention in it.

After a few minutes Lexa appeared at the door a bit tensed.

“What did she want to tell you?” Clarke asked knowing too well that this was what Raven was craving to ask to the brunette.

“She wanted to thank me for the last time and telling me that my uncle has asked news about me. He said hi to you by the way. ”

“Oh okay well I say hi too.” Clarke smiled “So we must start to dress for tonight, I don’t want to arrive at the end of the party!” she started to move in the room, looking for an outfit for the night.

“Did you change your mind Ray?”

“No sorry O, I’m really tired and I have a project to work on.”

“Okay, it’s not a big deal, it was just that it has been a while since our crew has been reunited for partying but I guess it’ll happen next time.”

“There’ll be other occasions, it’s just the beginning of our first year at college O! ” cheered Clarke knowing too well how much Octavia was being disappointed by Raven’s refusal.

With that Raven and Octavia left the room while Clarke headed to the shower.

 

“ _You’re not even denying it.”_

_Costia was feeling her entire being getting heavier with the weight of the pain._

“ _I’m not going to act on these feelings Cos.”_

When the three girls were all ready they headed directly to Bellamy and Lincoln’s apartment to enjoy their night of partying.

They reached the apartment when the party was in full swing, there were more people than Lincoln has suggested to Lexa, causing the brunette to stiffen a bit. Clarke seemed to sense it immediately because she grabbed Lexa’s arm and led her toward the "bar»as she liked to call it. It was more a big table with many goblets on it and a few bottles of alcohol behind but who was Lexa to question Clarke’s statement?

The atmosphere was heavy, the heat of each people’s body combined was weighing down on the air. Most people were dancing in the room, they were all standing close to the other as if they were an only one entity. They didn’t make their dancing in unison, giving the impression of an angry sea ready to storm on the two best friends and swallow them without salvation.

Clarke gave Lexa a glass which she drank quickly without knowing the content. It has the effect to ease her and she relaxed slightly to the sound of the music.

“Ready to enjoy yourself, Woods?”

“Fuck yeah.” she answered knowing too well how thawed she could be just after one drink of booth.

Clarke chuckled lightly and led Lexa toward the crowd of people, walking in it as if she wasn’t in the slightest afraid to be a part of the backwash. The girls started to slowly enter in the same trance as the others, the booth played a lot in that. They were carried away by the music and the heavy atmosphere which before afraid Lexa became a strong appeal to her. The more they stayed in the crowd, the less they were aware of the existence of self-space. They were so close now that if the atmosphere became heavier they could melt into each other and become one. The girls were glued to each other, they were breathing the same air and it became necessary for the two of them to grab each other. Clarke put her hands on Lexa’s neck, pulling her even more against her body, while Lexa put her hands on Clarke’s hips. They swayed in the rhythm of the music, looking at each other as if they were the only one in the world. Their bubble was closed around them, the world could explode they would never acknowledge it. Lexa didn’t know how all of this happened but she found herself with her forehead against Clarkes.

“Hey, I’m Echo.”

A girl clearly drunk came from nowhere to talk to Bellamy who was in the back of the room.

“Bellamy.”

The girl smiled lightly at the air of annoyance of Bellamy.

“What a sexy boy like you is doing alone in a party like this?”

“I’m sorry, you seem to be a good person but I’m not interested.”

“Wow you’re cash. Who’s the Lucky girl? ”

Bellamy scanned the crowd with his eyes and spot Clarke dancing very closely with Lexa. For a while he didn’t say anything, too stunned by what he was seeing. It gave plenty of time for Echo to scan the crowd as well and see what Bellamy’s was glaring at.

“Oh. She seems to enjoy the party without you, maybe you should do the same. ”

Bellamy didn’t even acknowledge the brunette, he was like in a parallel world, the noises and the people in the room have disappeared all he could see was his girlfriend rubbing herself against her best friend.

 

The tension between them became stronger than ever, Lexa could feel her heart beat in her chest. She was waiting for Clarke to make the second move, in her life she didn’t think she would one day stand a chance to get a kiss from her best friend. Clarke has put her hands in Lexa’s hairs, pulling her close, their pair of eyes were locked with the other, pure lust radiating of them. Their noses were brushing, the kiss was inevitable, lips parted Clarke approached Lexa’s mouth. Lexa was craving for these lips, these marvelous, pulpous lips to crash on hers. Lexa was living a daydream but it seemed that life didn’t like her because the kiss never happened, instead, the lips she was waiting for has been replace by Bellamy’s back.

“What are you doing Clarke?”

Clarke’s pupils turned back into their normal size, she was looking like a child caught the hand in the jar.

“I-we-I” she stuttered looking horrified by the situation.

“Oh my God Clarke you’re completely high!” he grabbed her hand and led her toward the kitchen. “I’m going to take care of you.”

Lexa was standing alone in the sea of partying people watching it as if she wasn’t a part of it. She has been the closest of her best dream and yet she has lived the worst. When she got back to herself she left the apartment, her heart broken in two and a wave of culpability in the gut. She didn’t know why she has acted like this, it wasn’t her, she usually knew how to control herself. But this was an error, an error which caused her to suffer much more than she ever though she could. She didn’t know what was the worst, the emotional rollercoaster or the look of horror on Clarke’s face when Bellamy has appeared between them.

 

“ _I love you Cos.”_

“ _But not like her.”_

“ _You have nothing to worry about.”_

“ _I know but it doesn’t change your feelings for her.”_

When Lexa reached the dorm, she undressed herself quickly and took a shower. After that, she put her pajama on and climb in her bed. It only took her a few seconds before she started sobbing quietly, her face in her pillow.

 

***

Clarke was leaning in Bellamy’s bed, the party was finished for a few minutes and she was trying to erase the pain in her head. Bellamy had brought her a glass of water to make the alcohol’s effect go. She absolutely didn’t know what happened between her and Lexa, it was as if she has been magnetized by the brunette. Of course she found Lexa hot but she has never thought about her like that. Bellamy entered in the bed, her first reflex was to turn her back to him. He took this opportunity to put her in his arms and breathed deeply in her neck. Clarke wasn’t really at ease and the movements of Bellamy’s groin against her ass did nothing to help.

“Bellamy can you stop please?” she was more than reluctant to sleep with him, especially with the events of the night.

“Come on Clarke it has been a while.” he said kissing her jaw without stopping the motions.

“I don’t want it, I’m tired.”

“I’ll be quick I promise.” he murmured against her skin.

“I said no!” she exclaimed turning her front toward her boyfriend.

She saw a flash of pain in his which was quickly replaced by anger.

“I think that we need to talk Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I want to thank you for all the feedback, the commentaries and kudos, it means a lot for me!  
> I saw that some of you thought that Clarke was completely obvious compared to Lexa which to me is normal because she's a person extrovert and uncompromising with her feelings but it didn't mean that she understands it well!  
> I'm sorry for the cliffhanger though, I was arrived at the end of my words number per chapter but I have pratically finished the next chapter so the wait will not be as long as for this one!
> 
> Again thank you for the support on this fic :)


	7. Chapter 7

Bellamy was sitting on the bed, sternly looking at his girlfriend and wondering what had happened between them. Clarke was waiting for him to start talking, she was visibly craving for some sleep but the anger seemed to maintain her awake.

“I don’t understand you, Clarke.” he sighed glaring at his hands.

“What do you mean?”

He sighed deeply, rubbing his face with his hands’ palms.

“I thought it was a whim but it doesn’t change.” he said to himself causing Clarke to furrow her brows.

“We don’t have sex, we don’t spend time together, we don’t even talk!” he said putting his head in his hands and breathed out deeply in it. “I saw that you were getting away from me but I thought that with some time you’ll come back to me.” he added looking at her again. “I was so wrong though.” he chuckled nervously.

“Bell, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Of course we don’t see each other like before but it’s because of all our classes and the pressure on our shoulders, I’m not trying to get rid of you. ” she said grabbing his arm.

“Clarke, be honest with me, I deserve it don’t you think?”

“I’m being honest Bell! I don’t know what’s going on in your head but you should stop overthinking everything. ”

“Well if I’m overreacting explain me why when we haven’t had sex for more than a month and you’re visibly not willing to, I found you rubbing yourself on your best friend in front of all our friends?”

Clarke was bothered by the statement especially because she has been troubled by what happened with Lexa tonight and she didn’t have time to think about it because Bellamy has been making a scene after trying to have sex with her.

“It was nothing.” she dismissed with her hand, trying to appear self-confident. “ She was drunk, I was too, and we were in a strange mood that’s all. ”

“That doesn’t explain why you don’t want to have sex with me.”

“I’m tired Bell, don’t you understand that? I’m in pre-med, it’s a lot of work you can’t act as if I was free every day and I just don’t want to spend time with you! ”

“Don’t put the tiredness’ card out, it has been one month Clarke, one entire month!”

“I can’t believe you have been counting the days. You’re with me because of me or to put your dick somewhere Bellamy? ”

He rose quickly from the bed, clearly angry by her talk.

“You’re being unfair Clarke and you know it! I have needs and don’t say you don’t too because I know you! When we started dating we were fucking practically every day and now its dead calm! ” he was screaming now, frustrated by her bad faith.

Clarke rose from the bed too, looking at him her jaw clenched.

“As I already say to you, I’m studying hard to success, I don’t want to disappoint my family!”

“You didn’t seem to be tired when you were fucking with Lexa on the dance floor!”

“Here we go again! We weren’t fucking, we were dancing while being drunk in a crowd, and we were obligated to be close to each other! Fuck Bell, when will you stop being jealous of my relationship with her? ”

“I’ll stop when you’ll prove that I mean something to you! You’ve humiliated me with Lexa in front of Echo! ”

“Echo?”

“It’s just a girl without importance.” he waved vaguely with his hand. “The point is that you don’t care about me!”

“What are talking about? Of course you mean something to me, I would not argue with you at 4 AM instead of sleeping if you didn’t! ”

“You see Clarke, I have to argue with you to push you to say that I mean something to you! I’m sharing my insecurities with you and you don’t even try to reassure me or tell me that you love me! ”

“Can you stop being so dramatic? Do you realize that you’re questioning our relationship because I didn’t want to have sex with you? ”

“No, I realize that you prefer arguing with me at 4 AM rather than being intimate with me!” he replied his eyes full of anger.

“Bellamy you have to stop I will not continue this ridiculous conversation. ” she said moving toward the bed and tapping lightly on the pillow.

“You want to know what I think? I think you don’t love me anymore, if you ever did. I think that you’re trying to escape the situation by working hard and not being available to see me. ”

“You’re ridiculous Bellamy, if I wanted to break up with you I would have done it for a long time now. Stop trying to dissect my mind and interpret all my actions! ” she answered looking back at him.

“I have to because you don’t talk with me anymore! I thought that we had was special but I guess that I’m just another person in your sex-list. Sorry sex-list is not the good term giving what has happened or rather hasn’t happened tonight. ”

“You’re unbearable, get the fuck over it, Bellamy!” she screamed, she was going to continue but Bellamy cut her.

“You know that there are girls who hit on me every day but I’ve always said no because we are together and I respect you! But now, I don’t know if I’m going to say no if a girl wants me.”

“Wow so you’re saying that because I don’t want to have sex with you, you have the right to cheat on me?”

“It’s not cheating when you’re single.”

“What are you implying?”

“I’m implying nothing, I’m saying that it’s over between us Clarke. I prefer doing it myself before being dumped by you or finding out that you were cheating on me.”

Clarke crossed her arms on her chest, looking completely distraught by Bellamy’s statement.

“You know what Bellamy? Fuck you! You’re a fucking piece of shit! I thought that you were sincere with me but you don’t care, all you want is to get in my pants!”

“You see Clarke! I’m telling you all these horrendous things and you’re not even crying! It’s the proof that you weren’t into our relationship! You’re not going to label me as the bad guy, not this time! It’s over between us, period! I don’t care what will happen to you or the person you will end up with, don’t fucking come to see me when you realize that you miss me!” he screamed moving in front of her and pointing his forefinger at her.

“How on earth can I miss you? You’re not the person I thought you were, I’m happy you’re breaking up with me because you’re not the type of person I want to have in my life!” she yelled back.

These words seemed to snap something in Bellamy’s head, making him realize what he was doing. It wasn’t as if Clarke didn’t feel bad about the whole break up thing, she had feeling for Bellamy but the perspective of losing him wasn’t as horrendous as she thought it would be. She pushed him to get out of the room but he grabbed her arms to stop her from escaping of the conversation. They were struggling to take the dominance when Octavia stormed into the room.

“Stop it! Stop it!”

She separated them, driving each one in a different corner of the room. She turned instantly toward Bellamy, pushing him roughly.

“What are you doing?!”

“Nothing! We were just talking!”

“This is not what I call talking!”

“It’s not your business O!” he snapped angrily.

“My big brother fighting with my best friend in my boyfriend’s apartment is everything except not my business!” she replied surely.

Clarke put a hand on Octavia’s shoulder “It’s ok, O. I’m going to get back to my dorm.” she said without acknowledging her ex-boyfriend. She passed them in the room, walking between goblets of booth and people sleeping on the ground. She grabbed her stuff before opening the front door where Octavia joined her.

“I’m going back with you.”

“It’s not necessary O, I can handle myself.”

“It wasn’t a question, Clarke.”

“But Lincoln?”

“He’s already asleep, I would too if I didn’t have a little bladder.” she said, making Clarke smile lightly.

They left the apartment, walking in the cold night and headed toward their university. Fortunately the apartment wasn’t too far of it, making possible for the girls to be quickly in a safe place. When they reached the building of their dorms, they headed toward it, climbing the stairs quietly. They have arrived in the corridor and were in front of Clarke and Lexa’s dorm.

“Thank you for what you’ve done O”

“It was nothing, Clarke. I couldn’t let you leave alone in the middle of the night. ”

“I know but still I have to thank you.”

“Well it was my pleasure. Are you ok by the way?”

“Okay I guess.”

Octavia nodded and changed quickly of subject noticing Clarke’s discomfort.

“Good night, Clarke, try to have some rest.”

“Yes you too.”

Clarke was going to enter in her dorm but instead turned toward Octavia who was walking to the dorm she shared with Raven.

“O?”

Octavia turned over instantly.

“Can I sleep with you? I don’t want to wake Lexa up but I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”

Octavia nodded and answered by opening the door of her dorm, waving for Clarke to enter.

“Raven is not here?”

“Visibly no, her project must have took her more time than she thought.” the brunette answered ironically, making Clarke chuckle lightly.

The two girls changed themselves, Octavia in her pajama and Clarke in an oversize t-shirt and her panties. They climbed in Octavia’s bed and Clarke snuggled into Octavia’s body. It wasn’t like when she cuddled with Lexa but this will do it for the night especially knowing how weird it would have been with Lexa after their almost kiss at the party. Both girls were exhausted by the events of the night so they fell asleep at the first light of the day, Clarke gripping Octavia’s shirt strongly.

 

***

 

Lexa woke up and started her first seconds in consciousness with a strong headache. She had training today but she couldn’t bring herself to go, not with her mind and body’s state. She rubbed her face, closing her eyes as she remembered the events of last night. Clarke’s hands on her neck, her breath on her face, the look she has given to her vibrating with pure lust and their almost kiss. She will never forget what she felt last night, the way she passed from pure euphoria and hope to the suffering and the reality. Her heart was being caressed slowly then abruptly removed from its comfortable place and crushed by the only person she really trusts. Clarke was literally horrified by what has almost happened between them and this made her feel sick, this filled her with culpability and sadness. It wasn’t as if she hasn’t felt these feelings before, she loved Clarke for a while now and if she was more dramatic she would say it was the worst feeling in the world. But she knew better that it wasn’t.

She felt the worst pain when she and Clarke were in high school. At this point, she had realized that she had been in love with her best friend since ever and was now craving to say it to her. Lexa wasn’t someone who didn’t fight for what she wanted but she knew Clarke was straight since the beginning of their friendship because at the period, she had a crush on Wells Jaha, the son of her father’s best friend and work-colleague. She grew up with Clarke’s crushes on boys and sometimes her love relationship with them. But encouraged by her feelings and her closeness with her best friend she took the decision to tell her about her feelings.

She organized the whole thing for a while, prepared a speech and thought about the best way to tell Clarke that she had loved her since the beginning. She took her out at dinner time and installed them in a park to eat a picnic she had prepared before. They ate quietly, talking about a few normal things like they always do. Lexa was very anxious about her declaration and was trying to find the right moment to tell the truth to Clarke.

They were at the end of the meal and she knew she had to throw herself so she looked at Clarke who was chewing a bite of sandwich and couldn’t help thinking that she was beautiful even with mayonnaise on her cheeks and tuna on the chin. When she was going to talk, Clarke cut her telling her that she had something important to tell her. She would be lying if she said that she wasn’t hoping that Clarke would tell her that she loved her. But it was reality and reality was a bitch with Lexa. So instead Clarke told her she thought that she might be bisexual, this would have made Lexa ecstatic if Clarke didn’t add quickly that she had a crush on a girl who was in her art class named Niylah. She passed the rest of their share time telling Lexa everything about her and Lexa passed this exact amount of time holding her tears.

She was expecting everything, the good things as the bad, the rejection, the homophobia even though she knew Clarke was open-minded, the I love you too but this, she didn’t see it coming. And it came hard. Lexa has always thought that if Clarke would be interested in girls, she would want to be with her. It wasn’t an egocentric thought, just a logical one. Lexa was Clarke’s best friend since elementary school, she knows everything about her, she has seen her in her best and worst time and she loved her more than anything in the world so it was totally normal for Lexa to think that she and Clarke would end up together if the girl wasn’t straight. But knowing that Clarke was bisexual but didn’t see her the same way was the most cruel and painful thing for her.

Indeed, she has always thought that if Clarke didn’t love her the same way it was because of her gender and not because of herself, mind, personality and physical included. She wasn’t enough for Clarke and the thought caused her heart to break even more if it was biologically possible. Accepting it was very difficult for Lexa especially when Clarke started dating this Niylah girl two weeks after.

Therefore, that’s why she found herself in her bed, on the morning after a particular drinking party, swearing that this whole situation had to stop right now and to give weight to her new resolution she texted her ex asking for an appointment.

 

***

Clarke woke up in the middle of the day, she took her phone and saw that she has received texts from Bellamy saying that he was sorry for his behavior but that he didn’t regret what he said. “Things are clear.” she thought. She put her phone back one the nightstand and turned over to face Octavia who was still deeply sleeping and drooling on her pillow. She sighed rubbing her temple trying to ease pounding in her head. If she has quite understood what has happened with Bellamy, the whole Lexa thing was a mystery for her. She has always found Lexa attractive, it was her who made her doubt her sexuality but she didn’t think she would get closer to her and almost kiss. She took the time to think about how all of this happened and even though she knew deep down that there was more about it than she acknowledged she preferred putting the blame on the alcohol.

She climbed off the bed and put on her skirt from the day before. She grabbed all her stuff before leaving Octavia’s dorm to head to hers. She was hoping Lexa wouldn’t be there because she didn’t know how to act with Lexa after what almost happened at the party. She took the decision of waiting to see how Lexa would behave with her and adapt her behavior according to this.

When she opened the door she saw that Lexa wasn’t handling the pain in her head as well as her. She was leaning on her bed, the blanket between her legs with her arms spread as the Christ Redeemer on the Corcovado. She didn’t know what in hell she was doing but she found herself across Lexa’s bed touching lightly her head to feel if she had temperature. At the contact Lexa opened her eyes immediately looking straight into Clarke’s eyes. They were as wonderful as usually, green and piercing, reading in the depth of Clarke’s mind. She didn’t know for how long she has been having this type of thought about her best friend but it seemed to be a long time and she didn’t know the meaning of it.

“What are you doing?”

At these words Clarke came back of her reverie and realized she has been touching Lexa’s forehead for a few seconds now.

“I was checking if you didn’t have fever.” she stuttered removing quickly her hand.

When Clarke was worrying about what she was doing, Lexa was thinking about how much she needed a girlfriend to stop thinking about her best friend in a wrong way.

“How was the rest of your night?” Lexa asked rubbing her eyes and turning her body toward where Clarke was standing.

She didn’t know what to answer because the night didn’t end well, especially with the Bellamy thing. She was hesitating to tell the truth to Lexa now because she didn’t want to talk about it but she saw her sleepy face she couldn’t bring herself to lie to her.

“It didn’t end up well.”

The statement seemed to alert Lexa because in one second she was sitting on the bed looking at her worriedly.

“What happened?”

Clarke sighed and thought that it was better to be direct.

“Bellamy and I broke up.”

The silence filled the room, Lexa was completely stunned and you could easily guess that Lexa was slowly assimilating the information. She would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel a wave of joy passing in her body but the thought of it made her sick. She couldn’t be happy for Clarke’s break up she was a best friend for God’s sake! When she recovered from her trance of thought, she asked the first thing crossing in her mind.

“Why?”

“Sincerely? I don’t know. At one point he was trying to have sex with me and the next he was dumping me saying that I would rather spend my night arguing with him than being intimate.”

Clarke could see a flash of anger crossing Lexa’s face.

“Do you want me to punch him?” she asked sternly.

Of course Lexa would be protective over her, she has always been but seeing this made Clarke’s heart warm.

“No don’t worry, I don’t really care. If he can’t understand that I’m tired and that I have no energy for sex to the point of dumping me, he’s not the person I thought he was.”

“You’re right. How do you feel about it?”

«Well for what happened, I guess. I think he wasn’t really wrong though. He said that we weren’t spending time together anymore and that it didn’t seem to bother me which was right because I don’t have much time with all of the classes and the assignments and when I have I prefer having some rest or spending time with you and the girls. ”

“I see.” Lexa replied thinking a bit before talking again. “Do you want to go for a walk? I mean we have been partying a good part of the night and with the break up breathing the fresh air would make us better I guess.”

Clarke smiled lightly at Lexa’s statement. She was reassured that her best friend didn’t seem to remember what has almost happened between them or at least didn’t talk about it. 

“Yeah, it could be great. I’m going to shower before though, I’m sticky.”

“That’s true, I didn’t want to tell you but you smell Clarke.”

“You smell too in case you didn’t realize!”

Lexa chuckled making her head pound hard; she brought her hands on her head and fell on the bed.

“You see, karma!” said Clarke before heading to the shower.

After a while, the two girls were completely cleaned and left their room to the air of the outside. They walked silently for a while, enjoying simply each other presence. They stopped at a grocery though to buy some food before continuing to walk. They arrived at a park which looked more at a big reserve than a park. There was plenty of green space and some trees making the whole thing really peaceful. Clarke and Lexa found a spot where they sat; they looked at each other knowing too well how much the situation remembered them of their childhood’s adventures. They would spend hours in the near forest of their respective quarters looking for a treasure or fighting against dragons and other creatures.

They ate quietly, looking at the landscape in front of them, humming appreciatively when they ate something they like. Clarke didn’t know if it was the wind in her hair or her break up with Bellamy, maybe both but she was feeling more free than she had for a long time. She looked at Lexa to see that she had crumbs all over her face, even in one of her eyebrow. She was wondering how Lexa managed to do this when she saw her rubbing her eyes with her hand. Of course she would put all the crumbs by herself without even knowing it.

“You have a little something here.” Clarke said pointing at Lexa’s face.

“Here?” Lexa asked rubbing the corner of her mouth.

“Yes.”

Clarke looked at Lexa amused; the girl was clearly satisfied whereas she didn’t remove half of the crumbs present on her face.

“You know that you look like a giant crumb right now?”

Lexa tilted her head slightly on the side not understanding what Clarke was talking about. She looked at herself in her phone’s camera and saw what Clarke was talking about.

“You could have told me that I have crumbs all other my face!”

“I have tried but you were too cute with your eyebrow full of crumbs.”

“There is only one in it!”

“One is enough to prove that you’re incapable of eating cleanly!”

“Oh look at who is judging me on my eating manners: syrupface!” replied Lexa sarcastically.

“You didn’t say that!” Clarke

“Too late I did!”

“You’re going to regret this!” she exclaimed smiling and pointing at Lexa.

“Oh I’m so afraid Clarke. Please don’t hit me too hard.” Lexa said faking being afraid.

Clarke shoved Lexa’s shoulder and started fake moping as always.

“Oh come on Clarke you’re not going to mope for that!”

“I’m not moping.” Clarke answered looking at everything but Lexa.

“Okay so I guess our little break is over” Lexa stated grabbing her stuff and getting on her feet.

She started walking back toward the entry of the park, her pace conscientiously slow to allow Clarke to catch up with her. She was internally expecting for Clarke but she wasn’t ready for what happened next. Clarke jumped on her back causing her to almost fall on the ground; she instinctively gripped Clarke’s legs on each of her side and when she was completely steady, laughed at the girl gesture.

“You’re such a child!” she said between two laughs.

“I know but you love it.” Clarke answered causing Lexa to smile sadly. “Too much, I guess.” she thought.

Clarke move one arm which was around Lexa’s neck and put it in the air like a cow girl before screaming.

“Bring me to my dorm my trusty steed!” said Clarke before burring her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

Lexa laughed loudly before walking out of the park with the most beautiful princess she could ever dream of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things are moving forward pretty quickly for this update! Bellamy is finally out of the way!  
> I hope you've enjoyed the reading and please do not hesitate to leave feedbacks and kudos!  
> I'm reading all your comments and it makes me smile, you're very kind with me and my work, thank you.


	8. Chapter 8

For the first time in a long time, Clarke was not late at her first class of the day. It was maybe due to the fact that Lexa left for a match early this morning. With nobody to cuddle with and her usual morning grumpiness Clarke couldn’t bring herself to fall asleep again. So here she was, early for the first time in years. This strange situation gave her plenty of time to get bored by the wait and to remember why she was always late to classes. She was thinking about the best way to kill herself before she gets bored even more when she was joined by Wells at her side.

Wells has been her friend since she was born because of the relationship between his father and hers. They would play together at the console, in the park or at the swimming pool for hours. That was what Clarke enjoyed about him; he was always keen to play with her even though she was one year younger than him. She didn’t have many friends at school especially at elementary school because she has skipped a year. It wasn’t her fault if she was ready to pass before the other kids of her age but it didn’t prevent her from being bullied by a group of stupid brutes. That’s why she was grateful for Wells’ friendship because even though kids at this age didn’t want to hang out with younger kids, Wells has stayed her friend all the way. She even developed a crush on him during this period.

However her first encounter with Lexa Woods caused them to partly grow apart, Clarke found a new friend who was as willing as her to learn. They could have stayed just acquaintance if Lexa didn’t seal their friendship by beating all her bullies up. Nobody has ever fought for her and even though Wells was her friend he was too afraid to affront several boys on his own which Clarke couldn’t blame him for. Lexa was Clarke’s savior and it made the little girl love her new friend even more. The fact that Lexa was really funny and strangely completed her accelerated even more the process of the friendship, making Clarke and Lexa best friends really quick.

“Hey Clarke!” said Wells seating next to her.

“Hey!” she greeted him looking at her phone.

“How are you today?” she asked not moving her gaze of her phone.

“I-well I’m good and you?” he replied mumbling a bit. This made Clarke looks up at him, Wells has never been someone to lose his nerves even when things were complicated he has always been collected. It alerted Clarke to the point that she didn’t bother answering to his question.

“What’s going on?” He looked blank during one minute before collecting himself.

“Nothing, why?”

“Because I know you Wells and I know at the way you’re acting that something is bothering you. So tell me what it is, maybe I can help you. ”

“I don’t think you can.” he replied implying something but Clarke couldn’t catch what.

“What it is? How can you know that I will not be able to help you? ”

“Because it’s not something I need.”

“Wells please tell me you’re worrying me! Stop trying to make me guess! ” she whined.

“It’s not something you’re going to be pleased about.” These words intrigued Clarke even more, she felt a pang of panic in her chest when she heard them but she didn’t want to give up. If there was something she had to know she was strong enough to hear it.

“You have to tell me now, you have said too much or not enough but you have to continue.” At her words he seemed to hesitate, scanning her eyes as if he was trying to see if she could handle what he needed to tell her. When all he saw was determination and curiosity he told her what he had to as her friend.

“Well it’s not easy to say, Clarke but I have to tell you that I saw your boyfriend kissing another girl on my way to this class.”

“Oh. That’s all?” she asked her tone surprising even her. After all it has been practically two weeks since she and Bellamy have broken up and even though he had been an asshole, she couldn’t help herself feeling a point of jealousy at the revelation. It wasn’t as if she wanted to be with him again, it was more like he was with someone and she was single. As if he was better than her and that she wasn’t as good as him in the eyes of the others.

“Yes.” he replied completely stunned by her nonchalance. Were Clarke and Bellamy in a partner-swiping relationship and he wasn’t aware of it? Clarke seemed to see his confusion and quickly explained the whole break up with Bellamy. When she finished the university lecturer came into the class and started his lesson practically immediately; making Clarke turns toward him and stops looking at Wells and therefore ignoring at the same time the little up the corner of his mouth made.

The three hours came by quickly, Clarke was totally focused in what was being explained and didn’t see the time fly by. When the professor stopped talking though, she finished writing what was written on the slide and grabbed her things slowly. She took her phone in her hands to see if someone has sent her a message and saw that she had a text from Lexa.

 **Lex:** We have arrived, I hope you pass a good morning so far, I will not be able to text you during the day but I’ll tell you when we’re leaving. I have to go, try to have a nice day without me! :P

 **Clarke:** Okay, score a goal for me! I’ll keep the bed warm for your arrival. ;)

She smiled unconsciously because of the text Lexa sent to her but was a bit taken aback by her answer, why on earth it sounded like she was flirting with her best friend? Since her break up with Bellamy, she and Lexa has become closer to the other, they would spend all their free time together talking about everything. They also sleep every night together, it was like an unsaid rule and it made Clarke happy because she had the impression that Lexa and she were less close lately, especially after the whole story with the waitress at the coffee.

She was interrupted in her reverie by a snap from Octavia. She opened it quickly and was greeted by a photo of Raven drooling on her pillow with the caption: She’s too cute when she’s asleep: P.

Clarke chuckled lightly and quickly took a screenshot of the picture, knowing too well how Raven was going to hate her for doing it. Out of curiosity and maybe because of a strange voice in head telling her to do it, she started to look at her friends’ stories and fell on Lexas. Lexa wasn’t someone who liked to share every moment of her day on snapchat but when she was doing something she judged interesting, she liked to share it with her friends. The first few pictures made her smile; it was some of her soccer bag and of the bus which will drive her and her team to the match. Clarke’s smile grew wilder when she was met with a picture of her wrapped in the blanket with the caption: Meet burrito Clarke: P.

But her smile dropped instantly when she saw that a girl from Lexa’s team who claimed to be Harper said in videos that she had taken the control of Lexa’s snapchat for the day. She didn’t know the girl but she already knew that she didn’t like her. “Who does this Harper think she is?” she thought. Even her, Lexa’s best friend never did this so why that clearly substitute was acting as if she was close to Lexa? The girl was a substitute on the field and visibly was acting like she wanted to substitute Clarke in her friendship with Lexa. Clarke was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t pay attention to Wells who had moved next to her.

“So Clarke,” he started “Since you’re not with Bellamy anymore and that you seem to not really feel bad about it, I was thinking that maybe we could hang out tonight?” he mumbled clearly afraid of Clarke’s answer.

Clarke was completely focused on her phone watching Harper screaming Lexa’s name from the bench and posting pictures of Lexa warming up mentioning her amazing abs. She didn’t know why but her jaw clenched at the thought of this girl drooling over Lexa’s abs.

“Clarke? What do you think about it?” Wells tried a second time hoping Clarke wasn’t saving time to reject him.

Clarke was completely into Lexa’s story and answered whatever Wells was saying to keep her concentration on the pictures and videos’ running.

“Hum yeah of course.”

“Cool! However I have a test tomorrow so I can’t go to bed too late.” he said deep in his thought. “But we can have a drink after our respective classes, I know you don’t finish too late today. What do you think?”

Wells was ecstatic, which would normally alarm Clarke but she was so into Lexa’s story that she really wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying.

“Yes it’s an amazing idea, Wells.”

“Great! I’ll text you when I finish my own classes! I have to go, see you later!”

The moment he left was the exact moment when Lexa’s story stopped for now. Clarke stared at her cellphone’s screen before looking up horrified in the direction Wells had left. Her heart panged in her chest as the realization hit her; did she accept a date with Wells?

 

***

When Clarke reached her dorm later on that day, she wasn’t really happy. Lexa was obviously not here and she had to go on a date with her friend who even though she liked when she was young didn’t interest her at all now. Times are changing and it seemed that it hit both Wells and Clarke in a clearly different way. She was stunned by the realization of what had happened and because she wasn’t 100% sure and maybe because she was furiously hoping it was a mistake. She was trying to persuade herself that she didn’t understand what Wells was saying. But when she received a text from him saying that he finishes at 5PM she knew this wasn’t going to end well. 

She sat on the bed she shared with Lexa and rubbed her face, she was pretty tired and the day wasn’t even over, she still had to see her friend who visibly was willing to be more than just a friend with her which wasn’t really appealing to Clarke. She was weighing the pros and cons to cancel her date with Wells when Octavia and Raven stormed in the dorm making her jump.

“Clarke!” they cried out in unison. “Did we hear well? You’re going on a date with Wells?!”

Clarke looked at them clearly in shock, she knew that her friends were lured by the gossips but she didn’t think they would be knowing that especially giving the fact that Wells was a private person and that she hasn’t told anyone even Lexa.

“I think it’s true, look at her face.” Raven said talking to Octavia as if Clarke wasn’t there.

“You think? She has already said that she wasn’t interest by him.”

“I don’t know but look at her, she is completely desperate it’s obvious!”

“Yeah, you must be right.”

These words were the alarm to bring Clarke back in the living world.

“How do you know?” she asked quietly.

Raven and Octavia exchanged a look before answering.

“It seems that Wells told to Monty making him promise to not say anything but Monty told to Jasper who told me in engineering class.” stated Raven.

“And Raven told me when she came back at our dorm.” continued Octavia.

“I would have told you earlier if you weren’t eating Lincoln’s face while I was calling you.” added Raven glaring at Octavia with a smirk.

“I wasn’t…”

“Girls, it’s horrible! I’ve accepted this date by accident I wasn’t listening to what he was saying!” Clarke complained. “And now I have to go on a date with my friend who wants to be more than a friend!” she whined.

“Hey it’s ok Clarke, you don’t have to go out with him when the date is over. He’ll understand and if he doesn’t it’s not your problem.” claimed Raven.

“I know, but I don’t want to disappoint him or worse make him suffer.”

“This is life Clarke, you’re not going to force your feelings to change for him!”

“You’re right. I have to go please don’t spread this gossip in the university; I have enough issues to deal with.”

“Of course Clarke, you know us!”

“Yes. I’ll go. See you later.”

“Don’t forget to tell us what happened when it’s over!” Raven yelled from her spot to Clarke who was leaving the room.

 

***

The date wasn’t that bad, they were in a coffee talking as always except that there was a slightly different atmosphere in the air. Wells very gently pushed her chair, ordered for both of them and offered to pay the note after. Clarke was a bit uncomfortable at the idea that it was as if she was using him and playing with his feelings to make him pay for her. Nothing happened between the two of them but Clarke was very anxious at the idea of Wells making a move to kiss her. What happened next was as annoying or worse because he took her hand which was on the table in a quick motion.

Things were getting worse as the time passed by and Clarke was wondering how to tell Wells that she wasn’t interested by him without hurting his feelings. She didn’t have though because Wells released her hand and glared at her furrowing his brows.

“What it is Clarke?” he asked calmly studying deeply her reaction.

She sighed deeply knowing too well there were no emergency exits when he was looking at her like that.

“Wells, I’m really really sorry but I’m not...” she paused looking at his face and saw it falling at her words. She was going to stop but Octavia and Raven’s words came in her head and she knew she had to be sincere with him. “I’m not interested by you, well not in that way. I’m sorry.”

“But you accepted to go on a date with me.” he said clearly in pain at what Clarke was telling him.

“I know but to be honest...” she sighed. “I wasn’t listening to what you were saying.”

“Oh okay, so uh you’re free to leave now I guess.” he stated lowering his shoulders.

“Please don’t take it that way, I like you Wells but not in that way.”

“It’s okay Clarke; it’s just that I’m starting to think that there is no girl who is willing to go on a date with me.”

“Don’t say such things, you’re an amazing person, we’re just not meant to be, it doesn’t mean that another girl will not like you.”

“Thanks Clarke. Well I’m heading to my dorm, I have a test tomorrow morning and I don’t want to go to sleep late.”

“I know.” she answered without thinking.

“Sorry, I thought that you didn’t listen to this too.”  He snapped putting the money for their order on the table. “Good bye, Clarke.”

With that he left, not leaving time for Clarke to answer. “I deserved this one.” she thought. She waited a moment before grabbing her bag and heading to her dorm. She didn’t feel well during her explanation with Wells but her way back to her dorm was even worse. She felt guilty about Wells’ suffering and couldn’t help herself regretting her actions of the morning. If she wasn’t so taken by Lexa’s snapchat story, she would have listened to what Wells was saying and this whole situation wouldn’t have happened. All of this was this stupid Harper’s fault she decided when she arrived at her dorm.

She closed the door, flinging her shoes in the room and collapsing headfirst on the bed. She was there for only a minute that already Raven and Octavia were there waiting for her to tell the whole date story. So she told them, the hand taking, her attempt to tell the Truth and Wells’ reaction when she was finally honest. They listened to her carefully knowing too well that Clarke was feeling horrendous for making Wells suffer. When she finished to share the whole story, she looked at them expectantly.

“It’s not that awful, I mean he didn’t cry.” Raven said making a vain attempt to comfort her friend.

Octavia rolled her eyes at Raven’s statement and sat on Clarke’s bed caressing the girl’s back.

“It’ll be difficult for him at first but it’s better for the both of you. You can’t go out with him if you don’t like him the same way.”

“I know but if you could see his eyes! They were screaming pain!”

“Don’t push it too much Clarke. He has a crush on you and you don’t want him. He’ll move on!”

“I know but I don’t want to lose his friendship, he’s a good person and I really love him as a friend!”

“It’ll take time but things will become normal after some time.” stated Octavia.

“In any event, I hope that Lexa’s date with Costia didn’t come off that way!” Raven exclaimed.

“You couldn’t shut your big mouth?” Octavia asked between gritted teeth.

Clarke looked up glancing between Raven and Octavia.

“What date with Costia?”

Both girls looked slightly uncomfortable looking at everything but Clarke. After a moment Octavia broke the silence.

“I saw her with Costia in a coffee last week when I was walking toward Lincoln’s apartment.

“She didn’t tell me.” Clarke stated feeling a pang in her chest. She knew Lexa wasn’t someone who was willing to talk about her love life but this was big, and after their argument she thought that Lexa and she were close again. This revelation put a question mark on their whole relationship.

“They were laughing and looked close so I thought that they were dating but maybe they don’t I don’t know. I didn’t enter to ask her though.”

“Maybe she wants to tell you but she doesn’t want to make you feel bad for your break up with Bellamy.” Raven suggested.

Even though Clarke knew Lexa was completely aware of her lack of emotion about her break up with Bellamy, she accepted the explanation Raven gave.

At the time Raven was going to add something but Lexa entered in the dorm a wide smile plastered on her face.

“Giving the smile on your face, I guess we won.” Octavia stated.

“Yes, we won 3-0. The coach was so happy she bought us all ice cream!” she said her smile wide.

Clarke looked at Lexa and smiled, completely forgetting about Lexa’s secret date with Costia.

“Did you score?” she asked knowing too well that Lexa wouldn’t be as happy if she didn’t.

“Yes I’ve scored two goals on the three!” Lexa exclaimed clearly happy of her match.

“That’s all?” Clarke said sarcastically faking to be disappointed by Lexa’s performance.

“Hey that’s one more than you have asked me!” Lexa pouted.

“I know.” Clarke chuckled lightly. “Come take your victorious hug!” she shouted spreading her arms to Lexa.

 Lexa crawled into Clarke’s arms, snuggling her head in Clarke’s hair enjoying the scent.

“So we’re leaving the two of you, congratulation again for your victory Lexa.” said Octavia.

“Thanks O!” 

“Yeah you two have a lot to talk about but you should start with Clarke’s date with Wells.” stated Raven.

“What date?” Lexa asked her eyes practically getting out of their orbits.

At these words Clarke plunged her face in her hands and screamed in it.

“I hate you Raven!”

“Love you too!” Raven said laughing hard but interrupted quickly by Octavia hitting her on the arm. The two girls left the room leaving Clarke with a dumbstruck Lexa.

“Can we not talk about this? Please?” Clarke asked with her best puppy eyes.

Lexa didn’t bother to answer, too anxious at what revelation Clarke was going to tell her.

“It’s not a big deal. He asked me out I said yes and we went to a date.”

Lexa’s heart started to break at Clarke’s statement. They have been really close these days and Lexa knew that it was because of Clarke’s break up with Bellamy. So even though she saw Costia last week, she couldn’t help the pang in her chest at the mention of a new challenger for winning Clarke’s heart.

“You said yes?”

“Yeah.” Clarke sighed knowing where this conversation was going.

“Why? You said you didn’t like him like that.” Lexa asked again trying to understand Clarke’s behavior to ease the pain.

“He asked me out and I said yes because I wasn’t listening to him."

“Oh.” Lexa couldn’t help the feeling of relief in her heart; it was as if a heavy weight had been removed from her chest.

“I’m a monster Lexa, he was enjoying this moment with me but all I wanted was to leave without looking back.” Clarke started. “You should have seen his face when I said that I wasn’t interest he was practically crying and I…” she didn’t finish because Lexa took her hand in hers.

“Clarke, you’ve done the right thing and you know it. Of course you made him feel bad but it doesn’t make you a monster. You’re the most kind, loyal and compassionate person I know, he already knows that you wouldn’t do this to make him suffer. It’s even maybe because of this that he likes you, so stop blaming yourself for hurting his feelings it’s not your fault.”

She didn’t know why but she wasn’t really listening to what Lexa was saying, well she knew why, Lexa’s hand was in hers and the sensation was the most calming thing she has ever felt. It felt so right compared to the sensation of Wells’ or Bellamys. Their hands were rough against her own whereas Lexas’ was soft and melted delicately with hers as if their hands were made to be holding the other. The sensation was so amazing that she couldn’t help wondering how she didn’t notice this before.

She listened to the end of Lexa’s speech thanking her quietly. Lexa climbed on the bed and installed herself next to Clarke. The two girls stayed in a comfortable silence before Clarke broke it.

“Aside from that I saw that one of your team-mate had taken the control of your snapchat account today.” Clarke said the more nonchalantly possible smiling lightly; well it was more a gentle grimace than a smile but Lexa didn’t seem to notice.

“Yes, it was Harper she is very cool!”

However when she felt the weird wave in her stomach she didn’t acknowledge it pretending to be still sad because of her date with Wells and put her head on Lexa’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is like a transition chapter for the next.  
> Clarke is starting to feel some things all that remain is for her to acknowledge these feelings which will happen very soon ;)  
> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter, thank you for all the comments, kudos and bookmarks, it means a lot! :D
> 
> PS: The next chapter is already written, I think I'll post it next week but I don't know when because it's my best friend who corrects all my mistakes (grammar, conjugation, ...) to avoid you to rip your eyes from your head!


	9. Chapter 9

The sun was rising, its rays lighting a quiet room in a building of students’ dorm. The light was caressing Clarke’s face making her eyes slowly flutter open. The first thing she noticed was that she felt warm, whether it was physically or spiritually, she felt warm and it felt good. Until she remembered that she had never been a morning person, she is all grumpy and full of rough remarks in the morning even though she doesn’t’ mean them. But then Lexa would come, and take her in an embrace while gently stroking her back every time they sleep together.

It was as if Lexa had been taking all the dark clouds surrounding her in the morning to warm her with her light. Though this day, Lexa wasn’t doing anything besides gripping her shirt hard with her head on her chest. She was snoring quietly like a distant warbling lulling in the depth of a forest of majestic green trees. She scrutinized her face carefully wanting to impregnate herself with all the details that made Lexa who she was.

She had her brows furrowed during her slumber, making a line appear on her forehead. Her lips were delicately parted leaving room for the little lullaby Clarke didn’t know she was fond of before this day. She softly put a strand of Lexa’s hair behind her tiny ear and as if the girl was aware of what Clarke was doing, she smiled dreamily. Clarke’s heart melted at the sight and she couldn’t help herself pressing her lips on Lexa’s forehead making her snuggle closer on her chest.

She didn’t know why, she didn’t know what on earth was happening to her but Clarke knew that she could pass her days looking at Lexa sleeping on her.

After a few minutes, Lexa opened her eyes, revealing her green eyes to Clarke. She rubbed her face with her hands and at the realization of where she was she pushed herself out of Clarke’s embrace. She couldn’t believe that she was sleeping on her, it explained why she slept so well but it was too dangerous for her relationship with Clarke. She didn’t know when just being in an embrace with her became too dangerous but she knew that if she didn’t take distance she would kiss her best friend deeply and she didn’t know if at this stage she would be able to stop herself. At the thought of kissing Clarke her body reacted almost immediately, Lexa felt her inside clench at the perspective which made her clearly uncomfortable.

“Hello.”

“Hello.” she said sleepily practically yawning at the same time. Clarke didn’t talk too much knowing that if she was a grumpy monster in the morning, Lexa on the other hand was not much talkative after waking up.

“Did you sleep well?” Lexa asked quietly.

“Yes.” Clarke replied smiling at the sight of a sleepy Lexa.

“Why are you awake before me then? Is something wrong?” Lexa turned over and put her hands under her pillow glaring at Clarke by the side.

“No I…” she paused “was looking at you when you were still sleeping and it felt nice.” she thought. Why on earth she was acting like this lately? She knew that she was single but usually it didn’t bother her especially with her friends by her side but now it seemed that she clearly was transposing her feelings on Lexa which was problematic. She had to stop now and the best way was to start dating again. Clarke pushed herself a little away from where Lexa was leaning and rolled over so she was reflecting Lexa’s position.

“Are you ready for the lunch with the girls?” Lexa asked looking at her deeply in the eyes.

“Yes, why not?”

“Are you not afraid that they will annoy you with the entire Wells thing?”

“No, I don’t think they would do that, they know how much what happened made me sad. But I know that if they do it nevertheless you will kick their ass.”

“Of course I will!”

Clarke chuckled lightly making her head move backward which caused the light to penetrate her eyes. The light mixed with the blue of her eyes made them clearer than ever, as they traveled on Lexa, they burnt all the skin on their path. Lexa has always heard that when you love someone, being near them without touching them was enough to consume you. She always thought that these were poppycock for people to give them hope and a reason for their lives on earth. But here she was, in her bed, with the most wonderful girl in her world, consumed by her eyes roaming on her face and piercing her true being behind all the walls she has put on around her soul. They stayed quiet for a while, Lexa trying to regain her intern composure and Clarke destroying it with each spark in her eyes. Clarke broke the silence though probably judging having seen enough of Lexa.

“We have to get ourselves ready if we don’t want Ray to be a pain in the ass all the afternoon.”

“Right, I’m going to shower.” said Lexa rushing toward the bathroom.

Clarke laughed at Lexa tripping with her own feet and closed her eyes preparing herself for the hurricane named Raven.

***

They arrived at the park where they had a rendez-vous with Octavia and Raven slightly late which made them already know that they were going to get a telling-off. Their two friends were already there but other people were added to the group. Thus, Jasper, Monty and Lincoln were also there and they were all sitting in circle around a picnic table with foods in the middle.

“Finally!” exclaimed Raven when she caught a sight of them. This statement caused all their friends to look at them moving toward the spot they all have concluded to occupy the day prior.

“Hey!” Clarke said while Lexa waved hello.

They quickly took position next to their friends and started to enjoy their day. It was one of the last days of autumn but the cool air and the friendly atmosphere made them enjoy their moment. They were all laughing and talking about school and anecdotes of their longstanding friendship.

Thus, Clarke and Lexa were the first to befriend, they passed elementary school only together and that was when they entered in high school fort the first time that they met Octavia; then she introduced them to Raven but the girls became a real quartet after the whole Finn’s mess. After that, Raven introduced her friends Monty and Jasper to the group and Clarke met Octavia's brother Bellamy. They started to date during her junior year and Octavia used her brother's distraction to get closer to Lincoln.

They were all talking and laughing loudly, causing Jasper, taken by the light ambience to spray water on Lexa. The girl reposted immediately producing a global mess from which Jasper tried to escape except that he forgot with who he was spoiling for a fight. He started running but she quickly caught him, pulling him on the ground while watering him.

It was at this moment that the group of friends chose to tidy their things, putting in the trash all the remnants of their picnic. They started walking to leave the park, calling Lexa and Jasper but the two friends were laughing too loud to hear them. Octavia and Lincoln let their friends handle the two nerds fighting on the cold grass. The three remaining members of the group were standing in the middle of the park looking at the battle. Lexa was straddling Jasper, trying to control him but he was wriggling preventing her action. He took advantage of the fact that Lexa was laughing to fill her mouth with fistful of grass. Witnessing those scenes Monty sighed deeply before heading toward them.

Clarke and Raven were chuckling at the sight of Lexa attempting to put mud all over Jasper face while Monty was trying to separate them. However their laughs were interrupted when they saw Anya walking hand in hand with a girl. They were clearly dating and if there was a hint of doubt, it disappeared quickly as Anya kissed the girl.

Clarke directly looked at Raven and saw the girl’s face literally break at the vision of the person she loved with someone else. Clarke was about to do something, anything to get Raven out of this situation and protect her friend’s heart but she didn’t have the time because out of nowhere, Bellamy stormed behind her and grabbed her arm slowly.

“Clarke can I talk to you?”

She was surprised by his arrival, but it was clearly nothing to compare with the level of Raven‘s shock.

“I can’t Bellamy, I have to…” she never finished her sentence, she turned to point at Raven but she wasn’t there. Instead she saw her walking quickly, her fists clenched toward the college. Bellamy followed Clarke’s glare and continued.

“She’ll be fine, give her some time.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, but I know her and walking after her is the best way to be punched in the face.” he said smiling sadly. What he said was true though, Raven has always been a hot-headed person, it was maybe because of her big heart or the fact that she was uncompromising with her feelings but she took things to heart. So when Bellamy tried to console her after discovering that Finn was cheating on her with Clarke, who didn’t know about Raven’s relationship with him and came out with a black eye instead of a sad but calm Raven, everybody understood that she was a person who needed time to recover.

Clarke chuckled at the memory remembering their high school’s years and all the party and laugh they had at this time.

“So, you’re free to talk?” he asked shuffling his hair. 

“Yes, I guess.”

They started to walk quietly before she spoke.

“So what do you want to talk about?”

“Well, first of all, I wanted to say that I’m sorry for how I talked to you when we broke up. I was angry and sad and I know this is not enough to excuse my behavior but I’m really sorry Clarke. Do you accept my apologies?”

She looked at him hesitantly but all she could see was his puppy eyes and the face of the boy she used to love.

“Yes.”

“So can we hang out now?”

“I don’t know Bell, maybe it’s too soon.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, we just broke up and I don’t know if I can handle partying with my ex next to me.”

“I don’t understand you’ve clearly moved on since you were on a date with Wells.”

“Don’t start, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“All I know is that barely two weeks after our break up you’ve been dating your supposedly friend.” he said miming double quotes to emphasize the word friend.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! You dare lecturing me when you were putting your tongue deep in another girl’s throat the same day I went on a date with Wells and nothing happened!” she said completely taken aback by his bad faith.

“I’ve warned you! You were acting like you didn’t want me, like you didn’t want us anymore, I went where people wanted me!” he yelled.

“You know what? I don’t care about you Bellamy. You want to kiss a girl, kiss a girl! You want to fuck all the girls in this university go ahead I won’t stop you!” she said walking back toward their friends.

Clarke’s reaction seemed to bring Bellamy back to himself; he grabbed her by the arm carefully, making her stop in her track. 

“I’m sorry Clarke, I’m acting like an idiot. It’s just that it broke my heart when I heard that you were going on a date with him. It was like having the reality thrown in my face and it hurt. But I’m happy if you’re happy Clarke, even though I think a part of me will never stop loving you.”

She sighed deeply before hugging him friendly.

“I’m sorry Bell. And for your information, the date between Wells and I was a misunderstanding. We’re not dating.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m not interested by him.”

“Okay so we’re good?”

“Yes, we are.”

“Great. I will leave you with these idiots. Take care of you and of Ray. Bye.”

“Bye, Bellamy.” she said waving good bye with her hand. 

When she turned over to join her friends, she saw Lexa walking angrily toward where she and Bellamy were standing a few seconds before.

“Did he hurt you?” she asked her fists clenched, glaring at Bellamy with all the hate possible. The green in her eyes was storming frankly ready to pierce a hole in Bellamy’s head.

“Wow, no Lexa calm down.”

She took Lexa’s head between her hands and stroked her cheeks with her thumbs.

“I’m okay, he was just apologizing.”

“He grabbed your arm!” she exclaimed looking straightly in Clarke’s eyes.

“It was because I didn’t want to talk with him. It’s fixed now, we’re not friend but we’re not in conflict anymore. He didn’t do anything to hurt me, okay?”

This made Lexa relax a bit; Clarke removed a grass stalk from Lexa’s hair before pressing a kiss lightly on her forehead.

“Come on, let’s go home.” she said extending her hand for Lexa to take which she did quickly intertwining their fingers. They waved good bye to Jasper and Monty and headed toward their dorm.

When they reached the front door, Clarke released Lexa’s hand.

“I have to talk to Raven.”

“About what?”

“I’ll explain to you later, don’t worry it’s nothing serious.”

“Okay, well I’m going to shower, don’t be too long though.” Lexa mumbled.

“I’ll be quick, I promise!”

“Okay. See you.” with that she entered in the dorm.

Clarke walked quickly toward Raven and Octavia’s dorm and knocked at the door. She knocked several time but nobody answered.

“Ray? It’s Clarke please open the door!”

She was met by a long silence and when she was going to give up, Raven opened to her. Her eyes were red and her make-up stained, making clear that she had been crying. Raven left the door opened allowing Clarke to enter and then she fell on her bed, her face in the pillow.

Clarke was affected deeply at the sight of Raven’s distress. She closed the door quietly and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Ray, I’m sorry for what you saw.”

“Why? It’s not your fault.” Raven responded sobbing.

“I know but you didn’t want to make thing official because of Finn’s mess and…” she sighed. “It would have never happened if I didn’t sleep with him.”

“You didn’t know he was going out with me.” Raven said.

“Yes but if I didn’t you would not be in this state right now.”

Raven pulled her head out from the pillow and looked at Clarke angrily. Clarke shivered at the sigh, afraid of what Raven was going to say.

“You know what, Clarke? Stop being so self-absorbed. You’re not the cause of everything in this world especially when it concerns Anya and me.” Raven replied harshly.

“I was just trying to help you.” Clarke said slightly surprised by Raven’s reaction.

“No you weren’t. You were trying to be the good friend everybody wants to see.” Raven stated sarcastically.

“It’s not because you’re sad that you have to be mean with me! Again I’m trying to help you!” Clarke exclaimed shocked by Raven’s words. She stood from the bed without even noticing it, too focused by their argument to care about what her body was doing.

“Helping me? How? By telling me that it’s your fault that the girl I love is kissing a fucking bitch in front of my eyes?!”

“It’s not that and you know it!”

“It’s what then Clarke?”

“You want to know what I think?”

“Oh yes, please Clarke tell what you think, I’m sure it’s going to help me so much!” Raven replied ironically.

“I think you’re a coward!” she screamed. “You’re in love with this girl since the beginning of the year and you’ve contented yourself by screwing her when all the both of you want is to be together! But you’re too afraid to be official with her because you’re dreading the day she would cheat on you which you don’t know if it will ever happen! Stop acting like everybody is like Finn!”

Raven looked at her with a stern expression, eyeing her as if she was saying the worst bullshit she has even heard. When Clarke finished her speech, Raven chuckled ironically.

“You? You’re calling me a coward?” she laughed even more but quickly stopped. “Thank you Clarke it was a really good joke.”

Clarke glared at her completely stunned by her behavior.

“I wasn’t joking.” she replied quickly.

This statement caused Raven to stop laughing and looks at her, her eyes angrier than ever.

“You seriously meant what you said? You, the girl in love with her best friend from day one?”

Clarke furrowed her brows deeply.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh please Clarke, not with me.”

“I- I don’t-I.” she stuttered.

“Come on Clarke, you have hearts in your eyes when she enters in a room.”

“I’m not in love with her it’s purely friendly between us.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s why when we discovered that Finn was cheating on us you didn’t even cry? You made Lexa punch him whereas you didn’t even like him. For what? Because you find her sexy with blood on her hand?”

“How do you know what I was feeling for him? You’re not in my head neither in my heart so stop saying bullshit to make me feel bad. I know you’re sad, I know it’s difficult for you but it’s not by being mean with me that Anya will be back to you. And to be clear, I’m not in love with Lexa, she’s just my best friend.”

Raven glared at Clarke, visibly waiting for her to finish before continuing to argue.

“Stop lying to yourself Clarke, you’re ridiculous. You’ve been drooling over Lexa for years even when you were with Bellamy you couldn’t stop being jealous when you saw Lexa with a girl!”

“I wasn’t jealous, I was protecting her! That’s what friends do!”

“Come on Clarke, I don’t want to talk about Costia.”

“What with Costia?”

“You thought that nobody had noticed your rivalry with her? To be honest I wasn’t one hundred percent positive but the face you made yesterday when we told you that Lexa saw Costia last week was the last proof I needed. You’re lying to yourself, accept to just think about it and you’ll know that I’m right.”

Clarke looked completely lost at Raven, she didn’t know how it came to this, one second she was trying to console her friend and the next she was accused to be in love with her best friend. The more Raven was talking, the more she was losing her composure, making her think of her feelings for Lexa.

Of course she has always found her best friend beautiful, she would be lying if she said the inverse and well, Lexa was Lexa, she was the closest person to her, she understood her and loved her for who she really was, but this didn’t mean she was in love with her. Nothing has ever happened between them so why would it start today? She was trying to convince herself but the more she thought about it, the more she knew that Raven had come across something. She thought about their almost kiss and the need she had felt to cross the line that night, she thought about her protectiveness over Lexa whether it was with the waitress or with Costia, she thought about how her hand melted against Lexas, how it felt so right to wake up with Lexa on her chest this morning.

With one memory of a moment with Lexa came hundreds of others at the same time, it was overwhelming for Clarke who was slowly realizing the truth. She remembered the day Lexa kicked Finn’s ass, how she gave her ice cream to her after hers fell on the ground, how she would make this cute tiny smile that Clarke loved, each time she was talking about her uncle’s adventures.  Clarke was completely confused and started to panic at where things were going.

Raven seemed to notice though because when she looked at her, there was no more anger in her eyes, all Clarke could see was compassion.

“You really didn’t know, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have to go, come to see me when you’re ready to apologize.”

With that she left, not bothering to wait for Raven’s answer. When she was in the corridor, she thought again about what happened and felt the overwhelming feeling again, this time much stronger. She started to panic; she felt her legs shuddering so she sat on the floor, trying to control her breathing. When she succeeded, she quietly made her way toward her dorm, dreading to see Lexa after what happened in Raven’s room.

She entered quickly, without bothering to knock and was immediately greeted by a topless Lexa. She was standing in the middle of the room, her back toward Clarke and she was putting a bra on. Clarke couldn’t help her eyes roaming hungrily on Lexa’s body. The muscles of her back, the tan color of her skin, her beautiful tattoos and her curly loose hair on her shoulders, all of this made Clarke unconsciously lick her lips.

Lexa turned over and she had to compose herself quickly before the girl noticed something.

“Clarke! You’re back! How was it with Raven?” Lexa asked while slipping into a t-shirt. “I was beginning to worry, I thought about heading to Raven’s.”

“Yeah, it lasted longer than I thought.”

“I’m going to buy take out, Chinese?” she asked while putting on a hoody and grabbing her wallet.

“Yeah, okay.”

“You’re okay Clarke?”

“Of course, I’m just slightly tired.”

“Aaw poor baby Clarke, I’ll be quick I promise!”

Clarke smiled gently, looking as Lexa made her way out of the dorm. When the door closed, she sighed deeply. What was she going to do? She was met with the silence which made her think and now all she wanted was to forget the voice screaming in her head that she has feelings for her best friend. So she did what she always do, she put some music on and made her way toward her desk to take drawing utensils, but unfortunately her sketch book was full, leaving no space to draw.

So she headed to their closet where she tidied all her art supply and when she was searching for another sketch pad, she found instead the collection of drawings she made during her life. Well it was more her favorite creation because she couldn’t take all her sketch but it was there. She was willing to take them with her after hearing that her old neighbors were victim of a water leak in their house. They lost all their children and grandchildren stuff which worried Clarke who was dreading to lose her drawings. She couldn’t take them all so she took a full day to rigorously select them.

Nostalgia picked her, so she started to scan quickly her old drawings, criticizing internally her technic or her choice of color. But then something hit her, the more she was looking at them, the more she was feeling sick. Here in front of her was standing the ultimate proof that she has been a liar for the past years of her life. In the closet she shared with Lexa, there was a full case containing practically only drawings of her best friend. It was made in every color, every point of view and represented every possible part of her best friend’s body.

Since her conversation with Raven she was trying to force herself to not acknowledge all the strange feelings she had been living with for years. She was trying to shut the voice screaming in her head but this, nothing could make these drawings disappear. As if they were an accumulation of proofs that her unconscious has been strictly collecting for this day.

Clarke was in love with Lexa, her best friend Lexa and she didn’t know how she was going to deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a good part of the previous chapters was a way to arrive to this one, I really tried to make it realistic and I'm really nervous about what you'll think about it.  
> As you could have guess, this chapter is very important for the rest of the fic so I hope you've enjoyed it!
> 
> As always, thank you for the comments and kudos, it means a lot for me! :)  
> Ps: I've recently start on Tumblr so if you want to talk to me about the fic, clexa or other things you can! My Tumblr: ellascolorfullthoughts


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke was sitting on her bed struggling with her sketch. She was looking at the window to find some inspiration but nothing came. Even though there was not a beautiful landscape in front of her, the plenty of students and the sight of the different areas of Polis University offer a myriad of drawings to Clarke. Despite this, Clarke was incapable to draw something acceptable, she was just succeeding to doodle. This situation was really an issue for her. Clarke was a med student but art is her only way-out. She was facing this struggle for too long now, but what could she do when she just can’t draw the thing she wanted the most? Clarke wanted to complaint, to do something about this situation but nobody would understand. How people could understand what she couldn't herself?

She was so into her lack of interest that she barely heard the door open. Clarke let out a loud sigh before turning her head toward the door.

                                     

Here, just a few centimeters from her was standing the most beautiful and amazing girl she has ever met. Her best friend, Lexa. The girl was taking off her training’s outfits before going to the shower. She glanced at Clarke and smiled before heading toward the shower. Clarke let out another sigh louder this time and wondered how things were the way they are now.

They had to pack before going to their home for the winter Holiday but all she could think about was that she had feelings for her best friend and she didn’t know what to do with it.

 

The group’s little appointment at the park was their way to say good bye to each other before going back to their respective homes for winter holiday. Even though they met at school, they didn’t all live near the other and some of them were going to visit their families which lived in other states of the country. However, Clarke and Lexa’s homes were near the other, they were just separated by two streets which besides cutting the city, kept the middle class away from the wealthier class. Lexa living in the less rich quarter was an issue at the very beginning of their relationship, not because Clarke’s parents didn’t want her to play with someone from the middle class but because Lexa’s parents were afraid of Clarke's real intentions regarding their daughter. After what happened to her at elementary school, they didn’t want the daughter of some rich people to invite her in order to make fun of her.

It can appear a bit cliché but they were protective parents and their daughter’s happiness was their only aim. That was why when Lexa was invited by Clarke they came with her at Clarke’s house to meet the girl’s parents. Of course after one hour of discussion they arrived at the conclusion that Abby and Jake Griffin were good parents and that her daughter had all the good intentions in the world concerning their daughter. Thanks to that the two girls had more time to play together and learn to know each other, making them very good friends rather quickly. The girls really enjoyed each other’s presence and the whole Lexa kicked the asses of my bullies was the final ingredient to add to make them become best friends.

And now here she was, in love with her best friend who didn’t love her back and instead loved her ex with who she had a not known number of dates. She has never liked Costia, maybe because as Raven said, she was in love with Lexa since the beginning but now she could tell she was willing to kill the girl. Strangle her or cut her throat with any knife possible, provided that it was the dirtiest knife the Earth has even seen. At least with that the girl would be dead by the cutting and if she was not she would die by some infections given by the knife’s dirtiness.

Maybe it was a bit cruel and harsh but Clarke needed to see this girl suffer for what she had done to the greatest gift given to her. She had Lexa and she threw their relationship in a trash and now that Clarke realized she loved her best friend this fucking dragon was coming to take her away from her.

She knew that it was impossible between her and Lexa because her best friend didn’t see her in the same way but thinking it and knowing it were two things slightly different for her. So here she was, trying to hold back her feelings while knowing that her best friend was maybe fucking her ex without telling her.

Clarke closed her sketchpad with a thud and stood up to start packing her things for their trip. She was quickly putting clothes in her luggage trying to gain time and energy for the whole packing thing. She was almost done when Lexa came out of the bathroom with a single towel covering herself. “Having feelings for my best friend was already hard why did she have to be so hot?” she thought. She was practically drooling over Lexa’s body when her so not Catholic thoughts were interrupted by her best friend’s reprimand.

“Clarke! We agreed to take the strict necessary! There are plenty of clothes over there!”

“I know but I don’t want to lose time on this! It’s just a stupid packing thing!” Clarke whined.

“Of course and who will have to carry your bag when you’ll be too tired to carry it?”

Clarke pretended to not know what Lexa was talking about and answered: “Me?”

“No, ME!” Lexa rushed to correct. “You know it will be me because it’s the same thing every time we travel together! So this time I won’t give in! You have to pack again!”

“Come on Lex.” Clarke tried making the best puppy face she could, knowing it was Lexa’s weakness. Or so she thought because Lexa didn’t give away, instead the girl spilled the luggage and all its content on Clarke’s bed.

“Whether you like it or not Clarke, you have to pack again. Try with less clothes this time.” she said with a smirk plastered on her face.

“You know you can be a real bitch sometimes Woods?”

“What can I say? You bring out the best in me.”

Clarke snorted at Lexa’s statement and started packing again trying to not look at her best friend while she was dressing. She couldn’t help taking a quick glance at the girl‘s ass though and how much she wasn't disappointed. Her ass was visibly round and firm, there were two dimples above it as if it was made to invite people to grab it even more. She shook her head quickly when Lexa’s pants were on and started to put clothes in her bag selecting them before.

The two girls were quietly packing, thinking about what clothes were already at home and about their meeting with their families when Lexa broke the silence turning over to look at Clarke.

“I’ve forgotten to tell you, Anya will come with us. Her father called and he will be there too.”

“Her father as your super cool uncle, Nyko?”

“Yeah! I’m so excited, it has been a very long time since the last time I saw him. I hope he will remember me.”

“Of course he will, Lex. You’re amazing.” Clarke stated without really thinking about it.

It was that which was the worst in this situation, if before she could say what she had in her mind without fearing Lexa realizing she had feelings for her, now she was forced to think about every move and every words that were escaping her mouth. “It was more simple before because I didn't have feelings for her, well you did but you didn’t acknowledge them so it didn’t count right?” she stopped the stupid debate she had with the small voice in her head when she saw Lexa stopping deadly in her track at her words, a cloud of anger and sadness in the eyes.

Her heart stopped to beat at the fear of Lexa realizing she loved her more than she should.    The dreading feeling stopped though when Lexa continued to make her bag, her eyes finding their green color again. Clarke sighed internally and finished making her bag trying to put the less clothes in it as possible. She added the gifts Lexa and she have bought together for their families, it has been a tradition between the two of them since they were child. They would share the expenses to offer better gifts to the people of their two families who they considered as one since they have grown up with them practically their whole life.

Lexa took the gift for Clarke’s little brother, Aden and the one for Anya and put it in her bag before closing it. The two girls has hidden the gift for the other in their bag before in order to make the other totally clueless about its content.

“Finish!” Clarke exclaimed clearly proud of herself after closing her bag.

Lexa turned over looking at Clarke with awe in the eyes, she was so cute when she was doing things like this. It melted her heart even though she knew she shouldn’t, knowing that the girl has only removed three or four clothes from her luggage but she couldn’t help herself Clarke was Clarke and what she felt for the girl was stronger than all the will of the world.

“Okay, let’s go. Anya is already waiting for us downstairs.” Lexa stated looking at her phone.

The two girls closed the door behind them and caught up with Anya at the first floor.

“You’re late!” she exclaimed tapping on her watch.

“You know how it is, Clarke took 3 hours to make her bag.”

“What? You finished packing just before me!”

“It’s because you distracted me!”

“No I didn’t! I would have even finished before you if you didn’t obligate me to do it again!”

“I had to otherwise I will die from carrying your bag later!”

“Why are you acting like you’re going to carry my bag? I…”

“Because I will have to like every time!”

“No it’s not true!”

“Yes, it is!”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“Ladies I’d like to listen to your depth discussion but we have to go.” Anya stated cutting the two girls in the middle of their fighting. “And Clarke, we all know that Lexa is going to carry your bag so stop trying to be right, you’re not.” she said turning toward Clarke.

She walked forward while Clarke stayed the mouth agape without moving. Lexa stuck her tongue out while passing her to catch up with her cousin. This awoke Clarke who joined the two cousins and they all quickly headed for the railroad station. They were late because of all the packing, making them run to catch their train right in time and of course after seeing that Clarke was lagging behind, Lexa grabbed her bag throwing it on her shoulder. Clarke felt a pang in her heart at the action, spreading a warm feeling in all her body which caused her to sprint as quickly as ever. She felt like she was flying and to the three girls astonishment she passed Anya and Lexa and reached the train two good seconds before the two girls. 

 

***

The girls were sitting on their seats in the train, Lexa and Clarke sat next to each other while Anya was installed in front of them. The three girls were breathing heavily after their sprint and were trying to catch their breath. After a few minutes though, Lexa sighed in relief knowing that they weren’t going to have to wait for another train and arrive late at their home. Clarke was clearly exhausted after running, the warm feeling had disappeared leaving her muscles tired and tensed due to the effort. So she did what she always do when she travels, she tried to sleep. Except this time she didn’t put her head on Lexa’s shoulder but on her own hand willing to avoid too much physical contact with her best friend.

After just a few minutes though, taken by the slumber and the train’s motions Clarke’s head ended up slowly on Lexa’s shoulder. The action caused Lexa to remove her glare from the train’s window to look at Clarke’s sleepy face. She couldn’t help the wave of affection which radiated in her heart at the sight of Clarke’s angelic face. Sometimes she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t get over her but in moments like these, moments of calm and intimacy where it seemed that there were only the two of them, Lexa knew it was impossible for her to resist Clarke. Even though she would force herself to see other girls, everything would bring her back to Clarke as if her heart had a mind on its own and was searching in other girls pieces of her best friend. She couldn’t help it, even if a girl was cute, gentle and had everything she could look up to, her heart would know she wasn’t Clarke and things would stop.

Costia was the only girl who succeeded to interest her and make her heart forget her love for Clarke. Well it was more like it was preoccupied by something else because her love for Clarke was like a splinter which couldn’t be pull away. She knew she was in love with Costia but her love for Clarke was so much more than just love. It was a friendship, a promise, an understanding, a protectiveness and more feelings which filled her body each time she saw her or each time her heart thought too much about her.

But Clarke didn’t love her back, not in the same way though and this made her feel sick, this made her heart ache because she wasn’t enough. Although that she was willing to be with Clarke it wasn’t enough, her love wasn’t enough and it was as if someone was killing her from the inside. But her heart was in love with Clarkes so she settled for being her best friend until the end, she will be there for Clarke even if it meant that she would have to catch the bouquet at her wedding and be happy about it. Because she preferred passing her whole life next to Clarke knowing that she was happy with someone else than to not have her in her life.

She was looking at her with so much awe in the eyes, trying to memorize all the tiny details of Clarke, all the little things making her being so beautiful and pure that she didn’t notice the way Anya was looking at her. She was totally into Clarke, her entire being warming at the thought that for now Clarke was only hers. A tremor surprised her from her thoughts and caused her to stop looking at her best friend. She looked up instinctively to see Anya’s reaction but all she could see in her cousin’s eyes were suspicion and compassion.

In order to escape the questioning and the disagreeable remarks Lexa took the speech to switch roles.

“So how it’s going between you and Raven?”

Anya seemed to be completely taken aback by the question and stayed quiet with her mouth agape.

“We saw you with another girl at the park yesterday.”

The statement alerted Anya who looked anxious.

“We?”

“Yes, the whole crew saw you hand in hand with a girl who was definitely not Raven. There were only Lincoln and Octavia who didn’t assist to the scene.”

“Fuck.” she cursed to herself. «Did Raven say something?”

“I don’t really know”, Clarke wasn’t willing to tell what Raven said to her.

Anya sighed rubbing her face with the palm of her hands.

“Look I don’t know what’s going on between you two but I know that you like her so why go out with someone else?”

“Well when you love someone and you know that the person doesn’t want to be with you even with all the will of the world there is a moment you need to stop. Raven didn’t want me I found someone who was ready to give me what I needed. I thought you would understand that.” she stated crossing her arms on her chest and raising one of her brows.

“What are you implying?”

“You know too well what I mean Lexa. Don’t act more stupid than you actually are.”

“I’ve never used Costia to forget someone else. I had true feelings for her so stop talking about something you don’t know anything about.”

“Then why don’t you talk to me about her? Why when you’re clearly dating this girl you look at…” she paused looking straight at Clarke sleeping face “this way?”

Lexa’s face was blank at what her cousin was saying. It was everything she didn’t want to talk about especially with the girl in question sleeping on her shoulder.

“Wow so it’s how you see me? The horrendous best friend who break the heart of every person she loves to not be alone? For your information, Costia and I are not dating, we’re friends for now and stop implying these other things about my relationship with Clarke.”

“Well it’s funny because I thought that she was a complicated subject for you and then one day Raven told me that Octavia saw you and Costia together. I don’t understand you and what you’re doing Lexa.”

“Well it doesn’t matter because it’s my decisions and my life.”

Anya was going to reply but Clarke shifted in her slumber causing the two girls to stop breathing and therefore cut the conversation. They stayed quiet the rest of the travel, a heavy atmosphere overhanging it.

Clarke woke up a few hours later, smiling at the familiar scent dancing slowly in her nostrils but tensed when she realized who it belonged to. She removed her head quickly from where it was and was instantly hit by the coldness of the air, in comparison Lexa’s neck was so much warmer. She was quickly brought back to the reality by the familiar landscape she could see through the window. They were reaching their destination, each seconds got them closer to their homes and families. This idea made Clarke ecstatic, she completely forgot her thoughts about Lexa and looked happily across the window at the moving nature.

“It seems that we are almost there.” Anya stated.

As if the conductor was listening, the machine stopped at the station with a loud screeching. At the motion, the girls jumped off their seats and took their luggage before escaping the mechanical snake. They made only a few steps on the ground before a tall and muscled man came from nowhere and took them in an embrace.

“Dad!” “Jake!” Clarke and Lexa exclaimed in unison.

“My beautiful daughters, you can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you!” he said gripping them tightly. Just as he was going to release the two girls, he saw Anya standing just behind them, looking a little uncomfortable.

“Oh God, Anya? It has been so long, come here take your dose of Griffin’s love!” he said wavering for her to come by extending his arms. Anya moved hesitantly forward but after seeing her uncertain, Jake grabbed her and carefully wrapped his arms around her body. She was tensed at first but she relaxed quickly at every movements of Jake’s hand on her back. After a while he removed his hands from her and took a step back to look at the three girls.

“I’m so happy to see the three of you.” he said smiling absently.

“We too!” the girls replied automatically.

“So your mother, Aden and Lexa’s parents are waiting for our arrival so let’s go!” he exclaimed happily clapping his hands.

They all headed toward the parking lot and when they reached the car, they climbed quickly inside in a hurry to see the rest of their family.

The way toward the house was quick, they all talked about school and teenagers’ stories while Jake made some comments from time to time. They had barely arrived at the Griffin’s house that the front door opened widely and Aden, Clarke’s young brother ran toward them.

“Claaaaarke!” he screamed rushing toward his big sister.

Clarke opened her arms for him and, when he reached her, she lifted him from the ground making him fly in the air.

“I’ve missed you so much.” She said in his hair.

While the two siblings were enjoying their reunion Lexa was taking their luggage off the car but as she turned over to head toward the house, she was greeted by her mother and father standing next to Abby Griffin at the front door. She released all the bags and ran toward them to embrace them. She grabbed her parents, wrapping her arms around their necks and snuggled into them.

“My little baby is back.” said Lexa’s mother quietly.

Abby walked up to Clarke and her son, kissed her daughter’s head then turned toward Anya and took her in an embrace. They all shared hugs and kisses before heading to the house where a meal was waiting for them.

 

***

After the dinner, Clarke and Lexa found themselves in Clarke’s childhood bedroom. Abby and Jake offered to install the inflatable mattress that they always put to the feet of Clarke’s bed each time Lexa and Clarke had a sleepover. Aïcha and Gustus were a bit disappointed to not be able to enjoy their daughter’s presence but Anya needed a place to stay and they knew that they couldn’t separate the two best friends even for a night. Though even when Clarke stayed at Bellamy’s or Lexa at Costia’s they would always found themselves missing the other’s presence and would text each other which caused a lot of fights with their respective lovers.

“God Clarke I’m so full.”

Lexa was standing in front of the blonde’s closet tidying their stuff while Clarke was leaning on her bed. She just replied with a “hum” of approval, not feeling the energy to give a correct answer.

“I don’t know why I ate so much. There was all this food and all my body wanted was to eat the whole thing completely.” Lexa continued touching her stomach as if the motion was clearing up the unpleasant waves in her gut. “Your mother encouraged me though, she was filling my plate each time I finished my food.” She stated smiling while continuing to organize their clothes. “And your father, God he was filling my glass at each swallow, we were still at the start that I wasn’t angry anymore.” she said sighing at the thought. “But of course my mother had to push me to eat a slice of her cake.” she whined moving toward the closet with one of the five sweatshirts Clarke has taken.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing Costia?”

The smile on Lexa’s face fell instantly and she busied herself with the tidying of the clothes. This didn’t seem to bother Clarke because she continued talking.

“Octavia told me that she saw you and Costia at a coffee. You were smiling and laughing together so she assumed that the two of you were back together.”

Lexa touched the closet’s door carefully, she had no clothes to put in it anymore so she closed it slowly. Clarke was looking at her expectantly and Lexa didn’t know why she felt as much guilty.

“We’re not.”

“You’re not what, Lexa?” Clarke asked clearly exceeded by Lexa’s way of avoiding to answer clearly her question.

“Back together.”

“So why did you see each other at the coffee?”

“Costia came to tell me that she wanted us to be friends for now and that we could test the water to see if it’s worth it to give us a shot.”

“When?”

Their conversation looked more like an interrogatory than a normal chat between two best friends and it influenced the atmosphere in the room.

“She called me the day we argued together.”

“So all this time you were seeing your ex and you didn’t tell your best friend?”

“Don’t take it that way Clarke.” Lexa said crossing her arms on her chest.

“And how do you want me to take it? I thought that we had resolved our issues and now I discover from Raven’s mouth that you are seeing Costia and you visibly don’t want me to know it.”

“Look Clarke, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Well could start with a: I’m seeing my ex and we’re trying to figure out things between us.”

“It’s not that simple Clarke.” Lexa stated uncrossing her arms.

“Oh and why?”

“Because you were in the middle of your break up with Bellamy and…”

“Stop lying you said that she called when we fought! You had plenty of time to tell me before Bellamy and I broke up!” Clarke cut her screaming at her. The more Lexa was lying and avoiding the subject, the more Clarke was becoming angry at her.

“I know but…”

“But what Lexa? Talk! You don’t trust me is that so?”

“No!” Lexa exclaimed rubbing her face with her hands. “Of course I trust you Clarke.”

These words seemed to calm Clarke but it didn’t stop her to continue questioning her best friend.

“So what?”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know what to say.”

“How’s that?” Clarke asked dubiously.

“If I told you that I was seeing Costia, you would have asked me why and the fact that Costia wants to give us a shot wouldn’t have been a good answer for you. You would have asked me what I…”

“Wanted.” Clarke completed knowingly.

“I don’t know what I want from Costia for now, it’s messy in my head but I should have told you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed you this way.” Clarke said worried to have let herself overstepped because of her jealousy. “Come here.” she added extending her arms to let Lexa lay on her.

“Ouch! Lexa you’re not the only one with a gut ready to explode!”

“Oops, sorry.” Lexa said sheepishly. She leant on Clarke and put her head carefully on her chest, enjoying the warm and the softness of it. Clarke started to caress Lexa’s back slowly, the touch sending reassurance and spark of love in Clarke’s heart while Lexa was completely melting against her best friend’s body. She knew it was wrong but it felt so good especially with Clarke’s scent overhanging her entire being while the girl caressed her with a burning touch. She had her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck and all she wanted to do was to kiss it, lick it and bite it. To let marks of her possessiveness on the blonde’s body which she was craving for.

The instant of tranquility was interrupted by the opening of the bedroom’s door. They saw Clarke’s father at the tiny opening of the door, he was clearly worried about the scream he and his wife had heard from the room.

“Hey girls, everything is alright?” he asked not daring to enter completely in the room.

“Yes.” they answered at the same time. This action and the way the two girls were laying on the bed calmed Jake’s concern.

“Okay, good night, girls” he replied smiling slowly.

“Good night.”

When he closed the door Clarke resumed her previous ministrations enjoying the feeling of Lexa against her. Even though Lexa didn’t know what she wanted, even if there was a possibility that she will end up coming back with Costia, she didn’t care because Lexa was in her arms for now and in her bed. This thought caused Clarke to have a huge smile plastered on her face. And as the minutes passed and the night covered the house, the two girls knew that it was going to be more and more difficult to struggle against feelings that meant everything to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!  
> Thank you for all your sweet words and kudos it really made my day!  
> If you want to tell me what you think about this chapter or the fic don't hesitate, you can do it on the fic or on my tumbler ellascollorfullthoughts (I'm a beginner on it so don't judge me if I haven't posted yet)! :)
> 
> Untill next time, Ella.


	11. Chapter 11

The light was entering the room, illuminating two figures forming one, two souls melted into the other to form an entity. Lexa and Clarke were laying on Clarke’s childhood bed, peacefully sleeping. They had fell asleep in the same position they found themselves before sleeping, with Lexa’s body pressed against Clarkes. Aden entered their sleeping sanctuary quietly, knowing too well how his sister would react if he wake her up. Nonetheless after a few seconds of debate in his head, he climbed on the bed careful to not make too many noises and not disturb the bed occupants.

He put his head on Lexa’s back, feeling it moving as the woman beneath was breathing and gripped her shirt with his tiny hands. Lexa and Clarke were his favorite people in the world with his parents of course. He exhaled slowly, having his sister and her best friend at home was something he was craving for especially because he knew they were going to end up playing with him all along their stay.

“Aden you’re too heavy.” Lexa mumbled in a state of semi sleep.

These words said by Lexa were like the starting signal for Aden to wake the two girls up. He opened his tiny eyes quickly and started to jump on the bed causing him to put a part of his weight on Lexa’s back.

“Oh God. Please Aden stop.” Lexa pleaded without finding the energy to move her body from Clarkes. Speaking of Clarke, the girl was slowly awakening; she was opening her eyes and when she was met by chestnut hair and a forest scent, she sleepily closed her eyes. This second of relaxation didn’t last long because she felt her body jumping on the bed with Lexa crashing on her. She reopened her eyes this time wilder and saw her little brother flying in the air and falling on the bed causing the previous events to happen.

“Aden!” she exclaimed slightly angry by her brother’s behavior and by the fact that he disturbed her waking with the girl she loved. The little boy stopped instantly at the exclamation, knowing at his sister’s face that he was in trouble.

“Climb off the bed.” Clarke ordered.

He obeyed but as he was waiting for his sister and her best friend to get up, Clarke wiped out all his hopes by saying that he had to leave the room. Aden clenched his tiny fists on each side of his body and held the grimace he made because of his need to cry. Just as he was going to leave, Lexa came out of nowhere and grabbed him by the waist to lift him. He fell on the bed, founding himself between Clarke and Lexa who were rubbing his face and shuffling his hair.

“I thought that you were angry at me.” he said turning his head toward his big sister.

“No she wasn't, she was just messing around with you.” Lexa answered quickly looking straight into Clarke's eyes.

“Really?”

“Of course buddy. I could never be angry at you.” Clarke replied taking her little brothers hand in hers. She was grateful for her best friend's intervention, she was harsh with Aden because of her grumpiness but she would never want him to feel rejected.

“So what are we going to do today?” he asked a spark of malice in the eyes.

“Well I was thinking that we could go swimming at the local pool.”

“What?” Clarke exclaimed completely incredulous at Lexa's statement. “We're in December, it's winter. We can't go swimming!”

“Of course we can! It's an interior pool plus it's heated up, so we'll just need to dry correctly before leaving!”

“Yeah!” Aden yelled pointing his fist in the air.

“I will not swim with this temperature outside.” Clarke stated.

“Come on Clarke it'll be fun! Besides, with all the food your mother and mine are making, we need to exercise to burn all these calories!”

“We can exercise when we come back!”

“I need to stay in shape for the tournament.”

“You can stay in shape without killing us by bringing us to the pool by this time. I’m sure that Anya will agree with me.”

“She’s not here and she won’t come. She must be with my uncle at this moment.”

“Yes because she’s a normal person who want to spend time with her family during the holiday.”

“You’re my family!” Lexa interjected causing Clarke’s heart to literally crash in her chest. She couldn’t help the dumb smile which appeared on her face at her best friend’s words but tried to hide it nonetheless. It seemed to work because Lexa looked pretty concentrated and didn’t react at Clarke’s face. The girl knew that convincing Clarke was going to be complicated. So Lexa brought out her secret weapon: Aden.

“Hey buddy what do you think about it? Do you want to go swimming with me and your sister?”

“Yes!" he replied quickly glee radiating from his face.

“Choice has been made.” Lexa said visibly proud of herself.

“You’re a horrendous person.” Clarke said shaking her head and smiling in the motion.

“So we’re going?” Aden asked hopefully.

“Yes.” Lexa and Clarke replied stopping looking at each other to glare at Aden.

“Yahoo!” he exclaimed clearly happy at the prospect. The action made Clarke and Lexa chuckle before a comfortable silence filled the room.

“So, if we want to go swimming today we have to hurry.” Lexa stated standing from her place in the comfy bed.

She knew she was going to miss the warm of her best friend’s arms wrapped around her but she had to move for Aden. Besides, this proximity with Clarke wasn’t a good thing for her and even though she was craving for her best friend’s touch she was more and more aware of her body’s reaction each time Clarke was showing her affection. She didn't know if she was being paranoid or if it was just her heart which was screaming for Clarke’s love but she couldn’t help herself thinking that the blonde was more affectionate with her. This perspective could be a good one if Lexa didn’t think it was because of Clarke’s love statute causing her best friend to miss affection. And although this thought was making Lexa’s heart ache, that didn’t stop it to beat strongly every time Clarke would look at her or touch her.

“Okay, let’s go eat then.” Clarke said slowly seeing a flash of sadness passing in Lexa’s eyes.

The trio headed to the kitchen and as they arrived, they were greeted by Abby and Jake who were around the table already eating pancakes. They said hi to each other and casually, as if nothing had changed, as if the two girls never left their house for the university; they ate talking animatedly. Well it was more Jake making some jokes and Aden talking about how he was going to jump in the swimming pool while Lexa and Clarke were arguing about who from the two of them was going to drown the other. During this time, Abby ate quietly, enjoying her meal with her family a smile plastered on her face, the breakfast was bringing happy memories to her.

When they all finished eating, Abby and Jake washed the dishes while the members of the trio agreed to prepare themselves. While Lexa will have to go to her house to find her swimsuit and all her bath stuff, Clarke and Aden will dress at the Griffin’s house. They will catch up together in front of Lexa’s house because it was nearer to the swimming pool.

Lexa was near from her house when she felt a wave of anticipation in her gut, she was anxious at the prospect of seeing her cousin after what happened in the train the day before. She tried to comfort herself by thinking that she will certainly not be there but the feeling didn’t dissipate. Lexa knew her cousin wasn’t wrong by telling she had feelings for Clarke, but the fact that she implied that she was using Costia, the fact that she did this in front of Clarke even though she was asleep and the fact that she had succeeded to see right through her made her feel sick. What if Clarke can see it too one day? What if she already knew? No this can’t be possible; Clarke would never play with her feelings that way. But Clarke wasn’t playing because there is no love feelings involved in their relationship for her. It was this thought that accompanied her in front of her house.

When she entered she was met with the silence, her parents must be at work. To say the truth, she was surprised when she saw that the Griffins weren’t already at work this morning. She climbed the stairs quietly but quickly, willing to take her stuff and leave the place before Anya and her uncle come back. She was going to enter in her room when she was met by her cousin in the corridor. She was getting out of the bathroom and had water on her mouth which she was removing with her left hand. The two girls stopped dead in their track looking at each other with wide eyes before Lexa composed herself and moved forward to her room. She had the time to make two steps before Anya grabbed her shoulder.

“Lexa.”

She turned over to face her cousin looking clearly like she was dreading her reaction. Instead Lexa waited, she waited to see what her cousin had to say because she didn’t know what she had to. She didn’t want to say that she was sorry because even though she caused the quarrel, she couldn’t accept the fact that Anya implied she was the type of person who use people’s feelings to groom her personal wounds. So here they were in the middle of the corridor which cared so much of their childhood memories waiting for what? They didn’t really know. But they knew that they had to wait. After a few minutes of intense stares and heavy breaths, Anya broke the silence again.

“Look Lexa, I didn’t mean what I’ve said, it was just in the heat of the anger, I know that you would never use Costia. What you said about my relationship with Raven made me angry and in the moment all I wanted was to change the subject and the best way I found to do it was to attack you. Again I’m sorry.”

Lexa was taken aback by Anya’s apology, she was expecting the girl to lecture her about her behavior in the train, but instead she heard all she wanted to hear from her cousin.

“Oh okay.” She mumbled quietly.

“It’s all you have to say? Come on Lexa I said I was sorry!” Anya exclaimed tapping her foot on the ground like a child would do when his mother wouldn’t buy some candies.

“I forgive you.” Lexa replied still stunned by her cousin’s statement.

This made Anya laugh lightly.

“Why on earth did I have to have a cousin serious like you?” she said moving her arm around Lexa.

For only answer Lexa shook her shoulder to remove Anya’s arm and shoved her arm lightly.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have bothered you about Raven.”

“It’s ok. You just said what you had to.” Anya said with a small smile. “To say the truth, I’ve kind of projected my own behavior on yours.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been seeing this girl just because she was simple and she wanted to U-Haul with me practically at the second she saw me.”

Lexa chuckled at the statement knowing the effect her cousin had on every gender.

“But I love Raven and it seems that this feeling is not ready to leave me soon.” She took a pause to sigh before continuing. “And you?”

“Me?”

“I’ve talked about Raven it’s your turn.”

“I thought that we established that I’m not using people to forget my feelings. Don’t take me wrong I don’t judge for doing it but…”

“Cut it Lex, I’m talking about Clarke.”

Lexa paused in her speech taken aback by Anya’s words.

“I-it’s not-I…” Lexa mumbled her hand starting to shake.

“Wow calm down I’m not judging you and I’m not going to talk about it. You can trust me Lex.” Anya said quickly, rushing to grab her cousin’s wrist.

“I know” Lexa replied her hand wasn’t shaking anymore but she was tenser than before. “What do you want to know?” she said sighing at the same time.

“Come on Lex, we’ve grown up together, I know already what I want to know. But I want you to say it.”

At the moment she didn’t know why but as Anya’s words made their way to her ears, she felt a furious sensation in her stomach. As if it was a living organism, the sensation filled her body crossing her veins and permeating in her muscles causing her to feel like paralyzed. She continued to breathe carefully trying to appear the more transparent possible to her cousin but she couldn’t help the raise of panic Anya’s request caused to her entire being.

“And if I don’t want to?” she replied quickly with a stoic position. Her answer made the sensation stop in its progression and as the silence was filling the atmosphere, it appeared that the beast in her stomach was reducing at each second passing.

“Lexa, you have to.”

It was as if this sentence was just the tip of the iceberg, as if there was more implied in this sentence than her cousin wanted her to know and this afraid Lexa.

“Why?”

Anya sighed. “Because you don’t talk with anyone but Clarke, because you’re in love with her and you’re living with these feelings for God knows how long and keep it to yourself. So Lexa please, I want you to say it out loud.”

At the statement Lexa’s eyes widened and a strong wave of pain radiated through her gut. She felt as if she was knocked against a wall, as if her hands were tied and it was scary. She stayed silent waiting for this to stop, for the little monster in her stomach to stop but nothing of these happened.

“Come on Lexa you can do it.” Anya said putting her hands on each of Lexa’s shoulders.

The sensation intensified and Lexa was ready to run away but as her cousin looked at her straight in the eyes, she saw love and support in her eyes. The pain was strong but Lexa knew she had to fight it, she didn’t realize why but she knew she had to. So she did it, she opened her mouth ready to talk and she said the words that reflected her reality, she named the mix of feelings that were ripping her apart since their birth.

“I love Clarke.” she said quietly but sternly. As the words were forming in her mouth she could feel the strong sensation crossing her body and leaving with the sentence to fill the air with its heaviness. Lexa waited to see what would happen as if the world was going to break if she said it at loud. But nothing happened and as the minutes passed, Lexa couldn’t help the smile that was developing on her face. Anya’s face backed up a bit at her words, she didn’t expect Lexa to fight her demons and open up like that, but quickly a warm smile spread on her face matching Lexas.

“Do you feel better now?”

Lexa looked at her own body, then at her feet waiting to see if a hole would open to bring her straightly in hell. After a few seconds of a self-diagnosis she looked up at her cousin’s face.

“Is it wrong to say yes?”

Anya chuckled at that, she kissed Lexa’s forehead affectionately and led her to her bedroom.

“Why did you come by the way?” she asked when they were in Lexa’s room.

“Clarke, Aden and I want to go to the swimming pool today.”

“Clarke? Did I miss an episode where Clarke enjoys a sporting activity?”

“I’ve forced her to say yes by using Aden.”

 

“I see. The little brother’s cute face card, good job here, Lex.”

“Do you want to come with us? I assumed that you would be with your father but as it seems you’re not, you’re welcome to come with us.”

“Yeah he called me to say that he will come on Christmas day, I would like to come!”

“Okay so let’s grab some stuff before catching up with Clarke and Aden.”

The two girls prepared themselves quickly and waited for the two Griffins to come which happened a few minutes after. Clarke didn’t say anything about Anya’s presence they only asked about her uncle. They reached the swimming pool about a quarter of an hour after and quickly dressed in their swimsuit to enjoy the warm water.

Anya, Clarke and Aden were already out of their cabins and were putting their stuff in the lockers when Lexa got out of hers. As she opened the door she was directly met by Clarke’s back, her front busy tidying her and her little’s brother things in the locker. She couldn’t help scrutinizing her best friend’s body. Her look traveled on Clarke’s body, roaming from her neck with the tiny hair there, to her curvy back. Her eyes stopped on her luscious hips moving slightly and oh God how much she wanted to grab it and press her body against her friend. After her hips, it’s her ass which caught her eyes; they were so round and full, as if it was made for her hands. Her best friend’s swimsuit didn’t give much place for imagination and the more she stared at her butt, the more she was eager to grab it.

Her internal debate was interrupted when Clarke turned over to leave after closing the locker. She quickly redirected her glare toward her face and smiled awkwardly, not knowing if she had been caught staring at the blonde’s ass. On the other hand, Clarke was completely stunned by Lexa’s beauty, she knew she had to prepare herself for this moment, but she didn’t know it was going to happen so quickly. She was using all her strength to not look at her best friend’s abs while Lexa was cursing internally her misfortune for not being able to look at Clarke’s boobs which were more on display than ever. This situation caused the two girls to stair strangely in the other’s eyes, not daring to blink with an embarrassed smile plastered on their faces.

Anya who was starting to worry about Clarke and Lexa’s absence came back with Aden who was wearing his cuffs proudly. When they arrived, they were greeted by the two girls standing awkwardly in the middle of the locker room a strange look on their faces.

“Girls, I don’t want to interrupt your staring contest but we’re here to swim, remember?”

These words broke the silence and the glaring exchange. The two best friends turned over to look at Anya and Aden.

“Yeah of course, we’re coming!” Lexa exclaimed trying to dissipate the heavy atmosphere and her sexual thoughts about her best friend. She moved forward quickly, passing Aden and her cousin without looking back. As she moved, Aden and Anya walked toward the swimming pool too, leaving Clarke behind them. After shaking her head, she headed to the same destination as her little brother and her friends. She caught up quickly with them but Lexa was still in front of their group which gave her the opportunity to look at her friend’s ass. At this moment she knew, she knew how this day was going to be so hard for her.

They all entered in the middle basin which was warmer than the big one and gave more security for Aden. The boy was really enjoying swimming in the pool; he started to splash Anya with his tiny arms which made the girl answer with a wave of water in the boy’s face.

“Hey don’t attack my brother!” Clarke urged a big smile on her face.

“He started it!”

“That’s not true!” the boy replied faking being aggressed by Anya.

“What? You’re serious little munchkin?” Anya asked turning toward him.

He nodded quickly which caused Anya to splash him again. The two started a battle of water while Clarke and Lexa were laughing at the two’s behavior.

“They’re such kids!” Lexa said still smiling.

“Yeah.” Clarke approved before splashing Lexa, sending water straightly to her face.

“You didn’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” she said with a devilish smile on her face.

“Of course you don’t. Well, be ready because you don’t know what’s going to happen to you.”

“I’m so afraid.” Clarke said splashing Lexa again.

The action caused Lexa’s lips to move slightly upward which scared Clarke because she knew that smile. It was the:”I’m going to kick your ass Clarke”smile. She screamed as Lexa jumped on her which made her sink in the water. They started to fight as always with tickles and splashing. They were totally in their little game, smiling and laughing while struggling in the water. They were so into the other’s attack that they didn’t realize where they were and how much they were near to the basin’s edge. It was when Clarke’s back collided with it and Lexa continued her motion pressing herself against her best friend that they realized their situation.

Their bodies were completely against the other, the only thing separating them was the thin water particle which was covering their bodies. They stopped laughing, looking at each other as if the world didn’t exist around them like at the party a few weeks before. All they could hear was their breathing growing heretically at each second. They stayed silent, the water running on her body while the two girls didn’t move. If the water escaped from this situation the two girls didn’t because they found themselves skin on skin. Each second passing was a hit in the two girls’ resolution to not make a move. Lexa was eager to kiss Clarke but with what happened at the party she couldn’t help herself thinking that this situation wasn’t different and that Clarke would be horrified if she touches her that way.

Clarke on the other hand was completely submerged by her feelings’ bump, she was craving for Lexa’s touch, for her mouth, her skin but at the same time she just couldn’t risk her friendship with the girl for egotistical feelings. These thoughts didn’t make them move apart, quite the reverse though because as the time filled the air they found themselves more pressed against each other. All the parts of their bodies were touching, their boobs, pelvic bones and legs were pressed as if they were trying to become one.

There was nothing surrounding them, only their warm breathings were filling the air. Their entire bodies were burning, craving for more, their inside were clenching and the two girls knew that their will weren’t going to be enough to stop them. As they were hesitating about making a move or not, Aden took the decision for the both of them and stormed in their bubble by splashing the two of them.

Noises, children’s screams and a chlorine smell attacked their senses causing them to break apart quickly. They turned over to see Aden smiling widely with a sorry Anya a few centimeters behind. Anya took him in her arms leaving the two girls a few seconds to compose themselves. As the temptation had been rising by the minutes, the two girls were now trying to calm their bodies and make them normally work.

It seemed to work though because after this event they passed the afternoon laughing and smiling as if nothing had almost happened between the two of them. But behind this joy there were pain, fear, sadness and culpability, the best ingredients to erode a long-standing friendship.


	12. Chapter 12

“Take that!” Aden yelled before ducking his head at his sister’s snowball.

The days of vacation were flying by, which explain how the two best friends found themselves playing in the Griffin’s garden with Anya and Aden at Christmas. The building of a snowman had quickly escalated into a battle of snowballs which was not unpleasing knowing how the three girls always played together in the snow at Christmas. It was like an unsaid tradition between them and even though Anya hadn’t been part of the group for a long time, she quickly took her marks again fighting with her cousin and her best friend. Aden found his place quickly in the group and while Clarke and Lexa were doing alliance against Anya, the girl found an ally in the blonde’s little brother.

“You’re going to regret this munchkin!” Clarke exclaimed, her face full of snow. She had snow everywhere, in her hair, her neck and even in her eyebrows which Lexa got a sneaky pleasure making her notice.

“You’ve got a little something in your eyebrows, Clarke.” she said making an allusion to their escapade at the park a few weeks before which Clarke returned back to her immediately. 

“Shut up. At least it’s not crumbs like you. Did birds eat on your face now?”

Lexa made a face, faking a pout waiting for Clarke to lower her guard. As her best friend came to wrap her arms around her, she quickly turned over and with a sweep, made Clarke fall on the ground. The fall was brutal but it didn’t hurt though, because she ended up on a snow mattress. Lexa took advantage of Clarke lack of reaction to straddle her and immobilize her on the place.

“Anya, Aden, come give this witch the lesson she deserves!”

Lexa’s exclamation brought Clark back to the reality of the situation and as she was wiggling to escape her best friend’s grip, the two stooges came by and filled her body with snow.     The girl may move and struggle to escape; Lexa didn’t let go of her arms, gripping even tighter each time Clarke was wiggling. After a few minutes of laughs, Anya and Aden stopped to catch their breaths while Lexa didn’t move. As if she was hypnotized by Clarke’s figure she didn’t find the will to move. The girl beneath her was partially covert of white, the snow had melted because of the warm produced by her moving’s body. Her face was white, making her parted red lips more visible and the tip of her nose was pink adding even more cuteness to a girl who didn’t need it. She was wearing a beanie but her curled hair was escaping from it, some of it was strewing on the blonde’s face.

Lexa couldn’t help putting a lock of hair away from her best friend’s face, making the blonde shiver and a blush made its apparition on her cheeks. She thought that the cold was most likely the responsible of her best friend’s reaction; little did she know what effect she had on the blonde. As she was on her best friend, the girl she loved and wanted more than anything since day one, she thought of their moments at the party and at the swimming pool. Each time they were interrupted which made Lexa wonder about the fact that maybe Clarke wasn’t so opposed to something happening between them.

On the other hand, Clarke was completely lost at her best friend’s behavior, she thought that she could fight against her feelings but the more time she was spending with the brunette, the more she wanted something more with her. She was craving for her hands on her, her lips on hers, for everything the girl above her could give. These thoughts scared her because she knew that Lexa wasn’t interested. She wasn’t, was she? She didn’t know why she was thinking about the situation but the simple thought of losing her best friend made her heart ache and calmed the clenching in the lower part of her stomach.

A life without Lexa wasn’t a life for Clarke, Lexa was her best friend, her double and so much more than that. The perspective of losing her was like a perspective of living in world without colors for Clarke and God knew how much colors meant to the artist.

The vision of Clarke’s horror face brought back Lexa in the reality she was living in. Clarke didn’t like her, her feelings will never be returned and she was the worst person in the world to assume that her best friend could feel the same as her. As the realization hit her, she shook her head and quickly stood from the blonde before walking back toward the house. She was feeling so bad and she was so deep in her dark thoughts that she didn’t notice Aden running toward her.

The collision was explosive, as Lexa was surprised by the shock, she was quick in her reflex though and grabbed Aden, maintaining them on the ground. She put all their weight on her right ankle which turned slightly at the motion. She couldn’t help the grimace appearing on her face as the pain radiated in her foot. Anya and Clarke were looking at her stunned by the action that was taking place under their eyes.After a few seconds necessary for their brains to react, they surged toward them and verified if the two of them were alright.

“Are you ok?” Clarke practically yelled at the two figures.

“Yes.” Lexa answered, relaxing her grip on Aden. As she was going to walk again to avoid Clarke, she felt a violent pain in her right ankle. She clenched her jaw and started to head toward the house but Clarke noticed the flash of pain in her eyes and stopped her. She didn’t say anything because she knew how Lexa was concerning wounds but she couldn’t let the brunette walk in pain. At this moment it was her best friend who was in pain, not the person she was craving for a kiss a few minutes ago and who ran away so she took her arm and put it around her before leading her toward her house.  

When they arrived, Clarke led Lexa toward the couch and the girl plopped on it a grimace on her face. Clarke knelt in front of her best friend to look at her ankle but Lexa who seemed reluctant to receive help, moved her leg. All she wanted was to be far away from Clarke at the moment but she was stuck with her because of her injury. Clarke didn’t say anything and took her foot carefully, removing her shoe slowly but it didn’t prevent Lexa to feel the warm pain which radiated in her ankle. Clarke was looking at her foot and all she was thinking about was when the blonde would let her go away. She was feeling uncomfortable after what had almost happened in the snow and she didn’t want to be around her best friend at the moment. She was feeling horrible to have ever thought that Clarke could feel the same as her because all she saw in her best friend’s eyes was fear and disgust.

Her silent prayers were granted when Abby entered in the living room.

“Oh my God Lexa what happened?” she exclaimed moving quickly forward. After all these years of friendship with her daughter, Abby considered Lexa as part of her family which explain her protectiveness over the girl. She knelt in front of her, pushing Clarke by doing it, to look at Lexa’s foot. She massaged the ankle while looking at Lexa’s face to see where the girl was feeling the pain.  

“It’s inflamed.” she stated still holding her foot in her hands.

“It’s what I was going to say before you pushed me.” Clarke said,

Abby looked at her daughter as if she didn’t realize she was there and continued to massage the ankle not paying attention to what she just said.

“We’re going to need ice and I’ll have to do a bandage, go grab the first aid kit in the bathroom Clarke.”

Clarke huffed and stood but as she was moving toward the stairs she glanced at her mother knelt in front of her best friend and couldn’t prevent the pang of jealousy that filled her body. She knew it was a completely irrational feeling, but seeing this made her whole body burn with anger. It was her best friend, her Lexa, if there was a person who must treat her it was her. She turned over under the incredulous looks of Anya and Aden who were situated between the entry and the living room and made her way to where her mother was situated.

“You know what? I’ll take care of her, you can go grab me the first aid kit please?”

At her words both Abby and Lexa looked at her with a difference way though, as Lexa’s eyes were opened wide Abbys were narrowed and accompanied by a furrow of her brows.

“Why are you acting like this Clarke? You know that Lexa is in pain so stop being foolish and go get me what I’ve asked you to.”

“I’m in premed, I can totally take care of her.”

“I know Clarke but I would prefer to take care of Lexa myself, she needs to have a good ankle if she wants to continue playing soccer.” 

“You’re saying that if I take care of her she wouldn’t be able to walk after?”

“No it’s not…” she sighed “Why are you making such difficulties about nothing? Lexa is your best friend I thought that you would want the best for her.”

“Yes she’s my best friend.” She said emphasizing the “my”.

She knew she could pass for a selfish person but at the moment all she could think about was that her Lexa was in pain and that it was her job to stop it.

“It’s stupid Clarke, I’m a doctor I can treat her correctly.” Abby stated still massaging Lexa’s ankle. The conversation with her daughter was attacking her nerves and she couldn’t help applying pressure on the wound. Lexa hissed at the action which alerted Clarke even more and encouraged Clarke to stop her mother.

“You see! You’re hurting her! Let me do it!” she exclaimed while pushing her mother by her shoulder. It caused Abby to lose her balance and to grip the first thing she had on hand: Lexa’s ankle. Lexa literally screamed at the action, her jaw was clenched as her fists and she looked at Clarke with anger. Clarke knew she did something and the face Lexa was making gave her more clues about it. As she was going to approach Lexa’s ankle, the brunette stopped her.

“No Clarke.”

She looked up to see her best friend with her eyebrows furrowed and a vein throbbing on the middle of her forehead. Abby took advantage of Clarke’s shock to take her place in front of Lexa again.

“Why did you do this Clarke?! You could have hurt Lexa even more!”

She didn’t listen to her mother’s lecture, all she could think about was the look her best friend was giving to her when she tried to help. She couldn’t help the pang of sadness in her heart, the mixed feeling between rejection and embarrassment filled her whole body. She ran to her bedroom and slammed the door before crawling on her bed.

Abby and Lexa shared a worried look while Anya surged to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit. Aden who had been left behind for the whole part of the action sat to next to Lexa.

“Why did Clarke leave?”

Abby looked at her son lovingly and peck his forehead before answering.

“Because she was upset, honey.”

“Why was she upset?” he asked innocently.

She looked expectantly at Lexa, as if the girl was going to tell her anything. But of course Lexa didn’t know what to say because she didn’t know what happened in the blonde’s mind. She could understand that her best friend was protective over her but this was a totally new reaction from Clarke. She didn’t know if it was because her best friend felt left behind by her mother or if she didn’t take well her rejection. All Lexa could say was that she didn’t know and it seemed to occur to Abby because of the lack of answer from the brunette she sighed “I don’t know, dear.”

Anya came back with some ice and the first aid kit, Abby applied the ice on Lexa’s ankle and after half an hour she made a bandage around the brunette’s foot. It was this exact moment that Jake chose to enter in the house. He was carrying packages from the supermarket and was heading toward the kitchen where Abby had stopped her cooking a little while before.

He stopped walking when he saw his wife knelt in front of Lexa.

“What happened?”

“Aden was running toward Lexa but she didn't see him so they collided together. Lexa didn’t want them to fall so she put all their weight on her foot which resulted in an inflamed ankle.”

It was the first time Abby heard the story and she could totally understand why Aden was worried a few minutes before.

After that, she stood from where she was kneeling in front of Lexa and joined her husband in the kitchen.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” he answered, unpacking the groceries.

“Can you finish cutting the vegetables for me? I have to see if our daughter is ok.” she said pecking him on the lips.

At her words, he stopped his motions and looked at her a clearly worried look plastered on his face.

“Did she hurt herself like Lexa?”

“No don’t worry, she was just being Clarke you know.”

“Oh I understand.” he said taking the relay from her.

She entered the living room and quickly headed toward the stairs to make her way to her daughter’s bedroom. When she reached the door, she listened at the door before knocking slowly. When she didn’t hear an answer, she opened the door carefully and looked in the doorway. As she was looking, she was greeted by the vision of her daughter curled on her bed with her head between her legs. She could hear some sniffles coming from her daughter which made her surge toward Clarke.

She sat beside her and rubbed her back while kissing her daughter’s head.

“What’s wrong, honey?”

“Nothing.” Clarke replied between two deep breathes.

“Come on Clarke, you’re my little baby you can tell me anything.”

“There is nothing to say.”

“Clarke, if you don’t tell me I will be obligated to guess.”

Clarke raised her head from where it was. “You want to know what’s wrong? You really want to know?” she asked anger in her voice.

“Yes, Clarke. I really want to know what’s bothering my baby.”

“It’s all because of you! You don’t believe in me! You don’t trust my capacity in medicine!”

 “What? It’s not that Clarke.”

“Well if it’s not that what it is?”

“Why am I thinking that our conversation has nothing to do with the real issue?”

Clarke sighed deeply and rubbed her eyes with her palms.

“Clarke, you know you can tell me anything.”

“I know.” Clarke said putting her head on her mother’s shoulder.

Abby put her hand on her daughter’s forehead and slightly caressed it.

“Does it have a link with Lexa?”

Clarke tensed automatically at her mother’s words which didn’t pass unnoticed by her mother. However, Abby didn’t have the time to say anything about it because someone knocked at the door. They both looked up to be met by Lexa’s head peeking out of the doorway.

“Can I come in?” she asked shyly.

Abby nodded and the girl entered in the room after closing the door quietly. She sat in front of the two Griffins and looked at them not knowing what to say. She could clearly see that Clarke had been crying and it made her heart ache. She couldn’t help taking the girl’s hand and she gently squeezed it. The action had for aim to reassure the blonde but it was the opposite that happened. As if her best friend’s eyes were waiting for Lexa’s move, she started to cry again.

“I’m so sorry Lex.” she exclaimed between two sob.

Lexa took Clarke’s chin between her fingers and moved it up to make eyes contact with her. “Hey it was nothing Clarke. I know that you meant well, okay?” she replied looking straight at Clarke’s crystalline blue eyes.

Clarke didn’t say anything and for a while the two best friends stayed like this, looking at each other’s eyes as if the explanation of the whole universe was in it. Abby hummed though to make them wake up from their little world they loved to find themselves into. Clarke and Lexa looked at Abby who stood and after taking something from a drawer sat back on the bed.

“Oh no she’s doing that again.” sighed Clarke with a small smile on her face.

“Not again Abby, please.” Lexa added looking at her best friend’s mother.

Abby chuckled lightly before sitting on the bed and tapping on both her side to indicate to the two girls to come next to her. The two girls complied slowly knowing what was going to happen to them. Abby opened the book carefully and smiled lovingly at the first page. There was a picture of Clarke and Lexa from the day Clarke has invited Lexa for the first time to come to her house. The two were visibly laughing at something and didn’t pay attention to the photographer.

“You two were already in your bubble.” Abby stated with a small smile.

Clarke and Lexa looked briefly at each other before hugging Abby from behind. Abby kissed both their heads before turning the next page. They were greeted by a double page with four pictures on it and a caption underneath each. There was one picture of the two girls at the school party, their faces full of chocolate because they ate too much cake. On the next one, they were disguised for Halloween and Lexa was clearly pouting because she wanted to be Sailor Moon but Clarke took the costume because she was blonde and not her. The picture after showed Clarke giving her candies to Lexa to make her forgive her. The last picture of the double page was a capture of Clarke’s birthday. On the picture, Clarke was standing behind her birthday cake with a huge smile and as she was going to blow the candles she was looking at Lexa who had a matching smile.

They continued watching the album, making a commentary or remembering memories from time to time and after an hour Abby closed the book. She stood from the bed and turned over to the two best friends who were now looking at each other with a smile on their face.

“I’m going to help your father with the dinner. I’m happy to see that there isn’t animosity between the two of you now.” she said with a knowing smile on her face.

“Wait, mom, do you and dad need some help?”

“Not for now honey, but you could set the table in one hour or two.” Abby said while leaving the room.

“Okay.” Clarke called from the room.

Clarke and Lexa stayed in Clarke’s bedroom for a while just talking and laughing as they were looking at the pictures in the album. They needed this moment to remember that even though they weren’t always at the same page, they loved each other and that was more enough for one though.

 

***

Christmas passed quickly and the two best friends found themselves at the end of the holidays with the heart heavy from all the love their families gave them and the arms full of gifts. If Clarke was honest with herself she would say that the best gift she received was from her mother and it wasn’t a material thing, it was all her memories with Lexa. She didn’t realize it before but she needed a reminder of her true friendship with her best friend. She needed to remember that whatever would happen or not between them, they’ll be alright because they loved each other. Nothing was more important for her than her relationship with Lexa and if she ever doubted it she knew now that her best friend was more than concerned by their relationship.

“Where are we going to put all this stuff?” Lexa asked sighing.

“I don’t know, it’s all your fault. Why on earth did you order all of this painting stuff for me?”

“I want to make you happy! You’re so not in position to talk about what I’ve ordered when you’ve got me a fucking treadmill.”

“And a watch!”

“Yes and a watch.” Lexa corrected herself.

“Give it back to me if you don’t want it.” Clarke teased.

“You know I want it, it’s an amazing gift from you and your father.”

“To say the truth, it was his idea. We saw how you looked at his watch for so long, we wanted to make you this gift for a while but he convinced me to do it this year because he wanted you to think of him.”

“I don’t need a watch to think of him.”

“I know but you know how he is, it was like a symbol for him.”

“So the treadmill was just from you?”

“Yes.”

“Is it a way to tell me that you think I must lose weight?” Lexa asked with a serious tone.

“No! Of course no! It’s just that with your injured ankle I wanted you to take thing slow before heading back on the field. Especially with all the snow outside.” Clarke said panic rising in her body. “I don’t think you must lose weight, you’re perfect.” she stumbled.

These words made Lexa blush lightly and she couldn’t help the big smile that covered her face.

“You were kidding, right?” Clarke asked sighing.

“Yeah.” Lexa answered her smile still on her face.

Clarke was feeling uncomfortable because of her statement. She just said her best friend was perfect, of course she was but she didn’t mean to tell her. How on earth did she have to have such a big mouth? Lexa seemed to perceive her awkwardness because she moved forward and wrapped her arms around her.

“Come on Clarke it’s nothing. I’m irresistible we have already established that.”

Clarke wiggled to escape from her grip but Lexa didn’t stop holding her. After a few minutes of displacement, Clarke stopped because she didn’t have enough energy to continue.

“You’re such a dork.” she said chuckling.

“But you love me.” Lexa said, her tone suggesting a profound fear of rejection.

“Of course I do.” Clarke answered tightening her arms around her best friend. “And I’ll always do.”

“My legendary charm is working as always!” Lexa said teasing; trying to ease what was implied in the conversation.

“Pfft! Don’t put me in the same bag as your groupies!”

“I don’t have groupies!”

“Of course you do!” Clarke said bitterness filling the air.

Lexa didn’t notice though, too busy with the huge box which contained her treadmill.

“Oh God, where are we going to put this?”

“I don’t know maybe with the huge easel you bought me!”

“Hey, it’s an investment for the future! When you’ll be a famous painter you’ll have to support me!”

“I want to be a doctor not a famous painter!”

“You can do both. Doctor at day and painter at night.” Lexa replied with a smirk.

“Or I can be a doctor and paint from time to time.”

“Yeah but think which will yield the most?”

“I don’t know, maybe you being a gigolo or something.”

“Shut up!”

“Think about it! Lexa, darling of the ladies, one show bought, the other offered!” Clarke said before bursting into laugher. Lexa dropped the box she was carrying and stormed toward Clarke to push her on the bed.

“You’re such a bitch!” she exclaimed laughing with her best friend.

These vacations were really what the two girls needed to consolidate the foundation of their friendship. With that, the beginning of an evolution in their relationship could more than ever be put on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed the chapter, sorry for the delay, my best friend and I were in exam period! :)  
> I know the fic is moving slow but really don't worry, the thing you all wait is happening next chapter!  
> Thank you for your patience and your support, it means a lot to me! Especially when I was sinking with the amount of work! :D


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked from the bed she shared with her best friend since the practically beginning of the year. They were in the middle of the week and even though it was the afternoon, Lexa wasn’t the type to have last time plan especially without Clarke not being a part of it.

Lexa was grabbing a pair of pants laying on the floor since the two girls were not willing to do the housework. This added to Clarke incapacity to be organized, all their furniture were full of clothes and school stuff. They already bore their friend’s remarks but it was way before they bought gifts which took more place than they could possibly imagine having. So Lexa finding her jean at the first shot was an achievement that the girl couldn’t help but be proud of.

“I have an appointment with Costia, she just texted me.” Lexa said grabbing her purse.

She kissed Clarke’s forehead before heading quickly toward the door, knowing she was already late. “I’ll tell you everything that happened when I come back.” she said before leaving her best friend.

Clarke couldn’t help hitting the bed with her clenched fists, anger rising in her chest and jealousy filling her mind with her bitter voice. These feelings were slowly killing her, the silence was killing her. She was in love with her best friend but couldn’t tell her, afraid of losing her friendship but what friendship? Could they still talk about friendship when all her thoughts were not friendly at all? She had been thinking about it a lot, especially after the holiday. Of course these days of vacation had reminded her that she and Lexa were best friend before everything but a few days with the girl and she was already back thinking that she will not be able to stop herself.

A few minutes after Lexa left, Clarke heard a knock at the door. She thought that maybe the brunette had forgotten something and as she opened the door she was anxious at the idea of facing her again knowing her current state. Instead, she was greeted by Raven who was standing against the wall. The two haven’t talked since the day Raven had pushed Clarke to admit her feelings for her best friend so the brunette was the last person Clarke was expecting at her door.

Clarke positioned herself in the doorframe, leaving no place for Raven to enter in the dorm.

“If you’re looking for Lexa, she left a few minutes ago.” she stated sternly, her arms crossed over her chest.

“I’m not looking for Lexa.” Raven answered, moving from foot to foot, clearly anxious. “Look Clarke I’m sorry. Can we talk calmly like two adults?”

“So now you want to talk? I thought that you had told me everything you needed to.”

“Come on Clarke, don’t be like that. You know I wasn’t feeling well, being mad at you was a manner of passing my nerves. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said.” she said talking with her hands. “Again I’m sorry I don’t want to ruin our friendship because of my stupid behavior. Plus, you were right, I was a coward and that’s why I lost Anya.”

Clarke was looking at her waiting for the rest of her speech with interest.

“Please Clarke forgive me. I’m really sorry.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, she was thinking of all Raven was saying. She remembered their conversation in the dorm when her friend was completely distraught by what she saw at the park but she also remembered all their good moments which lasted since high school. She made the pros and cons in her head and at the end, their friendship won and she pushed herself from the door, leaving some room for Raven to enter in the dorm.

She couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her mouth when she saw the huge smile plastered on her friend’s face though.

“Wow, I see that Lexa and you made some cleaning.” Raven stated ironically impressed by the level of disorder in the room.

“Shut up.”

They both sat on the bed she shared with Lexa and started talking.

“So you forgive me?” Raven asked with a puppy face.

“Yes.”

Raven exulted before taking a stern face.

“Again, I’m sorry for what I said and did. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“Yes, you were really harsh with me especially giving that I came to help you. But…” Clarke paused and sighed deeply before talking again. “You were right though.”

Raven was slightly surprised, she didn’t expect Clarke to accept her feelings for Lexa so quickly and so freely.

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Why? You were the one who confronted me about my feelings.”

“Because I thought that you weren’t ready to face it.”

“Well you see that it’s not the case.”

They stayed in silence for a few seconds before Raven spoke again.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. I don’t want to lose her friendship because of these selfish feelings.”

“But maybe she loves you back.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Come on Clarke, we both know she opens up only with you but the look doesn’t lie and she looks at you the same way you look at her.”

Clarke couldn’t help the wave of hope that passed in her body at the mention of the possibility that Lexa could reciprocate her feelings.

“She is in love with Costia.”

“Costia? What does she have to do in all of this?”

“I told you Lexa left, well it was to go see Costia.”

“Oh. But it’s doesn’t mean that she loves her. It could be a friendly thing.”

“I don’t know. She seemed to be willing to leave to catch up with her.”

“What do you feel about it?”

“For real? Sad, hurt, I feel like I’m not enough.”

“Don’t take it that way, maybe she wants to date her again but she loves you more than her.”

“Don’t say such things. Lexa is not like that. She would never use someone to forget someone else.”

“So you love her but you don’t want to make a move?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I think we should hang out tonight you know. Like we did before.”

Clarke looked up from her hand and glared at the brunette.

 “Okay.” she said with a small smile on her face.

“Don’t make me this face, you’ll get over it!” Raven exclaimed putting her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “Now let’s see what you’re going to wear tonight.”

***

Lexa was running toward the café where she last saw her ex. She was checking her phone every few seconds to verify if she had received a text from Costia. She hated being late and knowing that the girl could wait because of her was a thought she absolutely detested.

She reached the door of the café and took a deep breath before entering in the café. As she entered, she automatically saw her ex, her phone in the hands typing frenetically on it.

“Hey.” she said making Costia looked up. “I’m sorry for being late, I didn’t think the walk to come here would take me so much time.” she apologized while seating on the chair in front of her ex who was smiling brightly.

“It’s okay Lex, I have just arrived.”

“Oh so you weren’t texting me?” Lexa asked casually.

The mention of texting made Costia look at her phone before looking up from the device a few seconds later. As if she needed to see her phone to understand what Lexa meant.

“Oh no. I was just texting a friend.”

“Okay so let’s talk.” Lexa said clearly eager to make things clear with the girl across her.

“You don’t want to drink something?” Costia asked stuttering.

“No I’m not really thirsty.” Lexa stated as she was going to ask if her ex wanted a drink she noticed the fuming cup on the table. “In your text you said you wanted to talk with me so go ahead.” she said encouraging Costia as she noticed her being anxious.

“Yeah, I really like talking with you, I mean we’ve been talking for a while now, as friends and I really like our relationship.” she stuttered

These words didn’t please Lexa who took a deep breath before speaking.

 “Look Costia, I know that we said we were going to build back our friendship and taste the water for an eventual love relationship.” she paused taking her time to give herself some courage. “But the thing is, I don’t think it’s a good idea. There is a reason why we broke up and it’s because I love Clarke. I love you, I will always love you but it will never be the same feelings that I have for her. I know you must think I’m a fool but I can’t imagine myself with someone who isn’t her. I know she would probably never love me back but I can’t make you believe that if there is a possibility I wouldn’t take it.”

“Wow okay.”

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“Oh. It’s okay Lex, I do appreciate your honesty. To say the truth, what you’re saying doesn’t disappoint or disturb me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I asked you to come because I wanted to tell you that I have met someone.”

“Oh. So we’re good?”

“We’re more than good Lex. You still want to be friend with me though?”

“Of course! Don’t be silly!”

“Cool! Well let’s enjoy our meeting then!”

“Yeah.” Lexa said with a big smile.

***

Clarke was sitting at the bar, sipping her drink quietly. She was clearly bored of watching people enjoying their night while all she could feel was the pain of being apart from Lexa. The brunette didn’t come back at the dorm. She didn’t even text her to tell she was okay. She naively thought that Lexa was going to be back when she and Raven were going to leave for the club. Raven promised her they will have fun but she left her side the second she saw Anya in the crowd of people. She knew Raven’s behavior wasn’t the best these times but she couldn’t bring herself to be angry with her not when she knew what her friend had been through.

So, here she was, sighing behind her glass at the bar, thinking about her best friend who must be fucking her ex or soon to be girlfriend by now; how pathetic was it?

“What a beautiful girl like you is going on her own at the bar?”

Clarke looked up to see a splendid woman with piercing eyes looking at her expectantly.

“I don’t know.” she said before looking back to her glass.

The woman didn’t seem to understand her message because she sat next to her and ordered a drink for her and Clarke. She put one in front of the blonde which Clarke gladly drank in one sip and started talking again.

“So, what’s your name?”

“Why do you want to know? We both know that you just want a good fuck so go ahead and leave me alone.”

“Wow, calm down blondie. I just wanted to talk and well you were cute and alone at the bar so I thought that there was nothing wrong by talking with you. But I was clearly wrong.”

She was going to grab her drink and stand from her seat but Clarke interrupted the motions.

“Wait! I’m sorry for being harsh it’s just that…” she cut herself. “Nothing. But I’m sorry though.”

The woman noticed Clarke’s demeanor and decided to not insist about the blonde’s presence at the bar. She smiled lightly and sat comfortably in her seat.

“Well let’s start again. I’m Luna.”

“Clarke.”

“Okay so Clarke what are you doing in your life?”

“Hmm it’s a vast question, I don’t know what to answer.”

“Let’s start with your studies.”

“Okay so I’m in my first year in premed and you?”

“Wow, it’s impressive. I’m in my third year of economy.”

“Thank you, studying economy is impressive too.”

“Yeah but less than premed. I suppose that this doesn’t leave much time to enjoy yourself?”

“Well not really, I have time to draw which is my passion and I share a dorm with my best friend Lexa so I can enjoy life though.”

“Oh it’s cool, I didn’t know my roommate when I came to university. It must be really cool to live with your best friend.”

“Yeah it’s so great, I mean we always talked about how we were going to be roommates at university and now here we are.” Clarke stated dreamily.

“You seem close, for how long do you know each other?”

“Yes we are. We know each other since the elementary school. She has been my best friend since then, maybe because she is the only person able to bear me for more than a few minutes.”

“Well if you are always like you were when I wanted to start the conversation I can totally understand that.”

“Haha.” Clarke said sarcastically.

“I’m joking Clarke, don’t take it bad. I’ve understood that you passed your days with your best friend so what do you do to enjoy yourselves?”

“Hmm I don’t know, everything I guess. Lex is very funny so we can talk about anything and do whatever passes in our head, we’ll sure have fun.”

“She seems great.”

“She is. And she is so more than that. Did I tell you that she is in the university’s soccer team?” Clarke asked finding the conversation more interesting the more they were talking.

“No.” Luna said with a tiny smile on the face.

“Well she is. She is like a badass on the field but a huge cinnamon roll when she is with me. People think that she is harsh and emotionless but she cares, she cares a lot. Nobody knows her like me but she really cares about the people she loves and she is a very loyal person.”

“Is she Lexa Woods?”

“You know her?” Clarke asked, her eyes opening widely. She didn’t expect this girl to know Lexa especially because Luna was a third year.

“No, but one of my friends told me a lot about her.”

“One of your friends?”

“Yes, she is in the soccer team too, her name is Harper.”

“Harper.” Clarke said the name between her teeth.

“Your best friend has a lot of success especially with girls. I’m sure it’s because of her attitude.”

“What attitude?”

“The: I don’t care about you, you’ll never draw my attention attitude.”

“She isn’t like that!”

“Harper told me the same. But you know what she told me too?”

“No, what?”

“That if Lexa is like that it’s because she is in love with her best friend. She mentioned a certain blonde in premed whom name is Clarke.”

“What are you talking about?”

Luna ignored her question and continued talking.

“She didn’t specify that the best friend was in love with her too.”

***

“What are you going to do with her though?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t ruin your life with my mess. You deserve better, we deserve better.”

“You’re not ruining anything Lex.”

“I made you suffer.”

“It’s the past. The most important is that you’re honest with me now.”

They were interrupted by a waiter who brought their orders before leaving them to their conversation. After Costia finished her drink, the two girls decided to head to a restaurant to enjoy the evening together. So they found themselves in a small restaurant which was near the university. The restaurant wasn’t fancy but they served good food in it and it was all the two girls wanted after being utterly anxious.

“So who’s the lucky man or woman?” Lexa asked while playing with her fork.

“Well we’re not in a relationship but I really like spending time with her.”

“Do I know her?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“So the two of you are not together?”

“Not for now, I wanted things to be clear between us before starting something with her.”

“It’s really honest of you.”

“I know.” Costia said chuckling lightly.

“What?”

“If someone would have told me that we would be in the situation we are now I would have never trusted him.”

“That’s true. I wouldn’t have either.”

They continued their conversation in the happiness and with the lightness of the truth. Lexa was happy to see that Costia had found someone who seemed to be willing to give her what she will never able to. On the other hand, Costia was relieved to know that Lexa wasn’t expecting them to come back together. At the end of their meal, the two girls insisted to pay the bill but Lexa won.

***

Clarke was lying on their bed, she was repeating every things Luna told her about Lexa in her head. She wasn’t expecting to talk about Lexa with a stranger and she absolutely wasn’t expecting that the girl would tell her that several girls thought that she was the reason behind Lexa’s single statute. To say the truth, she had thought about what almost happened between them a lot and she couldn’t help feeling that each time Lexa seemed to be consenting. This made her think even more than before and the result was that she didn’t know what to do.

If Lexa didn’t go to see her ex this afternoon she knew she would have hope. But knowing where her best friend was and especially knowing that she didn’t come back erased all the little of hope she could have feel.

She didn’t have time to think more about it because Lexa entered in the dorm quietly.

“Clarke?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sleeping?”

“No, I’m talking with you, you dumbass.” Clarke replied chuckling.

“You could have talk to me while sleeping, it happened before.”

“What?!”

“Oh yeah you’re definitely not asleep.” Lexa said while putting her hands on her ears, trying to shield it from Clarke’s exclamation.

“Shut up!” Clarke said throwing a pillow at Lexa’s face.

“Ouch.”

“Oh come on Lex, it’s just a pillow don’t act like it’s a brick.”

For only response, Lexa took the pillow and hit Clarke’s figure with it.

“Ouch! Please Lex stop!”

“Oh come on Clarke it’s just a pillow!”

“Fuck you.” Clarke said grabbing Lexa wrist and pulling on her.

Lexa fell on Clarke’s body and rolled quickly over knowing how a simple situation like this could escalade quickly with the blonde. They looked at each other in the dark, the two girls on their sides.

“So, what did you do with Costia?” Clarke asked her jaw clenched, she was trying to be ready to hear that Lexa was back with her ex.

“We discussed in a café and then went to a restaurant.”

The mention of the restaurant made Clarke heart clench, at every moment she was expecting Lexa to break her heart and this was a horrendous feeling. She was torn between being in love with Lexa and being a good best friend for her.

“So the two of you are back together?” Clarke asked, her heart tightening as if she was going to fall off a cliff at every second.

“No, we’re not.”

These four words freed Clarke’s heart and the little organ started beating like it always does.

“Really? I thought that you wanted to be back with her.” Clarke was clearly interested by the conversation and was glued to her best friend’s lips.

“No, I realized it wasn’t a good idea because I don’t have feelings for her anymore.”

“Oh. How Costia reacted?” Clarke asked suddenly worried for the girl she wanted the death a few weeks ago.

“Very well, she wanted to see me because she wanted to tell me that she met someone.”

“So the two of you are okay?”

“Yeah. It removed a weight when I told her the truth and an even bigger one when she told me that she loved someone.” Lexa stated with a small smile. “And you, what did you do when I wasn’t there?”

“I hung out with Ray.”

“You hung out like when we were young?”

“Yes.”

“Oh God.” she said with a smile on her face. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to know that things settled between you and her but my God what did you do? Did she make you drink all the night?” Lexa straightened up and put her head on her hand.

“No, she left me when she spotted your cousin.”

“Oh so you came back quickly then?”

“No, I was going to, but a girl came to talk with me at the bar.”

“A girl?” Lexa asked furrowing her brows and tensing immediately.

“Yes, Luna. She is a friend of Harper.”

“Oh I see. What did she tell you?” Lexa was completely serious now and couldn’t help feeling jealousy filling her body. She was feeling as if the whole story was starting again, Clarke found someone and she was the one with the broken heart. Even though she said that she was in love with Clarke and that she was conscious she would probably never have her, she wasn’t ready to know that Clarke had found someone else.

“It was essentially small talk, nothing interesting.”

“Oh okay. And that’s all? You’re going to see her again?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe at a party I guess.”

Clarke’s statement removed a huge weight on Lexa’s heart and she could feel herself breathing again. They stayed in silence a few seconds, the two girls breathing more lightly than ever, before Lexa started tickling Clarke.

“So you hung out with Ray without me?”

Clarke started giggling and wiggling her body under Lexa’s tickle attack.

“Please stop Lex. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“What do you have to offer?” Lexa asked moving on her knees to have a better access to her best friend’s gut which was in full display now that Clarke moved on her back to defend herself. She was kicking in the air while Lexa managed to avoid all her moves.

“I’ll do anything you want.”

“You already do everything I want.” Lexa stated sticking her tongue out.

“That’s not true!” Clarke exclaimed shoving Lexa’s body lightly.

“I missed you today.” Lexa said and stopped tickling Clarke. It had slipped off her tongue before she could stop herself.

“Come here you dumbass.” Clarke whispered and pulled Lexa toward her.

Lexa obliged and the two girls found themselves against each other. The more the time passed, the more their two entities were becoming one. They were inhaling and exhaling at the same time, their hearts beating together, trying to join the other as if they were two lovers separated for a long time.

Even though they were in the dark, the two girls could sense that they were making eyes contact with the other. Clarke put a strand of Lexa’s hair behind her ear carefully, as if the girl above her was a butterfly ready to move away at every brusque movement.

Lexa didn’t fly away though, instead as Clarke’s hand was in the air she took it between her shoulder and her check. The gesture didn’t surprise Clarke, she took this opportunity given by the brunette to rub the girl’s cheek slowly with her thumb. 

“I missed you too.” she stated lowly, as if she was afraid to break the moment.

She felt Lexa smile under her hand but it didn’t last long because her hand was released from its warm prison to fell on the bed. She didn’t give it too much attention because she saw Lexa’s figure approaching her face. The brunette’s face stood near of hers and all Clarke could think about was that she would just have to move for a few millimeters forward to kiss her.

Lexa didn’t seem to share her internal turmoil because she raised her head and kissed her best friend’s forehead lovingly. She slowly made her way back to be face to face with Clarke again and, as she was going to step aside, Lexa felt Clarke’s arms wrapping around her neck stopping her from moving away.

Clarke’s heart was beating like never before, it was the moment, she was going to kiss her best friend and she couldn’t help being nervous at Lexa’s reaction. Her fear was quickly erased when she realized that Lexa didn’t even try to move from her embrace. Their mouths were an inch apart and as they were so close, Lexa moved her face forward bumping her nose with Clarkes. She didn’t have time to think about what would happen because Clarke closed the small gap between them.

The first touch was electric and at the same time addicting. Their lips were moving together in a strange dance the two girls didn’t know could exist. Clarke parted her lips slowly inviting Lexa’s tongue in her mouth. The brunette granted the silent request immediately, allowing Clarke to suck her tongue sexily before letting it enter in her mouth. The blonde was moving her hands on Lexa’s back, scratching it lightly with her nails which caused Lexa to moan eagerly.

As the temperature was quickly climbing between the two of them, Lexa couldn’t help thinking that it was wrong.

“Clarke.” Lexa mumbled between two kisses.

Clarke didn’t stop though, too busy kissing the girl she wanted since day one. This action, more the lack of reaction from the blonde made Lexa jump back on the bed. As Clarke didn’t feel Lexa’s lips anymore, she opened her eyes widely to see her best friend standing in the middle of their room.

“We can’t Clarke, We can’t.”


	14. Chapter 14

“We can’t Clarke, We can’t.”

Clarke was completely taken aback by Lexa’s statement, normally she would have totally understood and backed off instantly, but this situation was absolutely new for her and her best friend and she couldn’t help herself mumbling a desperate why to Lexa while sitting on the bed.

“Because it’s wrong! We can’t do…” she gestured between them. “This!” She paused a few seconds which appeared to be hours for Clarke, before adding “It’s wrong Clarke.” The brunette said the last sentence with so much resignation, she could sense her own disappointment in it.

After Lexa’s speech, Clarke seemed to awake from the daydream she was living a few minutes before. “I don’t understand why this is wrong Lex? We’re two consenting adults, there is no issue in this.” she said looking deeply in her best friend’s eyes to make her realize she can talk directly to her without hiding but in Lexa’s viewpoint, it was more looking at a puppy face which wasn’t encouraging at all. This made Lexa feel even worst because she felt used by Clarke, used by her best friend who clearly needed a release and thought that it was a good idea to ask her lesbian best friend for sex.

“This is wrong because we’re friends Clarke, only friends!” she emphasized the “only” more than necessary but at this point she thought that she had to hear it too.

Lexa’s words hurt Clarke more than she could ever imagine, not only the brunette was clearly rejecting her but she was also rejecting their friendship. She could feel a violent pain in her heart and she couldn’t help the urge to vomit that filled her gut at the thought of Lexa’s rejection.

“I thought we established that we’re way more than that.”

“Oh come on Clarke, don’t be like this when you know the issue is not there.” she said starting to be angry at Clarke for focusing on details and not on the more important.

“I’m asking what the issue is!”

“And I answered.” Lexa cut her.

“I don’t understand why the fact that we’re best friends and not just some friends should be a problem. It’s just sex.”

As she was talking, Clarke knew she was lying, lying to herself but most of all to Lexa and she couldn’t help feeling guilty while doing it. She thought she was obligated to lie because of Lexa’s reaction which obviously showed her disinterest for her. She was so focused on her lie and on the pain in her heart that she didn’t see Lexa’s face when she said that this was just sex. It was so much more for the brunette and even though she was suspecting Clarke of using her for her own release, she couldn’t stop her heart from breaking in thousands pieces at the blonde’s words.

“Well I clearly don’t want to have sex with you then.” Lexa said after a few minutes of silence. Her answer hurt Clarke even more and she didn’t realize what was happening until she found herself yelling at Lexa.

“You’re a fucking hypocrite Lexa! I didn’t impose myself on you! You seemed more than consenting when you were kissing me!”

“I didn’t say that…You know what? Fuck off you can think whatever you want I don’t care!” Lexa replied moving toward the door.

“Alexandria Woods.”

Lexa stopped dead in her track, Clarke had never said her complete name during their whole friendship.

“You’re not going to run away from this. I don’t want to quarrel with you like we did last time.” She grabbed Lexa’s wrist and made her seat on the bed. “I don’t want us to go to sleep angry at each other.” She sat next to her friend and after a few minutes, she spoke.

“We could act as if nothing happened. I mean nothing really happened so, it’s not a big deal.” Her own words were killing her but Clarke didn’t want to lose her friendship with Lexa so if she had to bury her feelings for the brunette well she would do it.

“I can’t.”

“Why?” Clarke asked completely desperate.

“Because I, Clarke I…”

A knock at the door interrupted Lexa in the middle of her sentence and the two girls looked up toward the noise. After a second knock, Clarke got up from the bed with a big sigh and reached for the door. She grabbed the door handle and turned it slowly. As the door was opening quietly, Clarke looked carefully in the tiny opening to see who was knocking at this hour. She was a bit anxious by the idea of a dangerous murderer coming to kill them but the sight of Raven and Anya’s figures illuminated by the hall’s lights calmed her instantly.

“Hey. We’re sorry to disturb you but Luna said you left the party alone and we wanted to make sure that you didn’t end up in the basement of a psycho.” Anya said quickly as if she was trying to rush through the conversation.

“Yeah, she said you seemed upset and you know me, I make a big deal out of nothing. I didn’t want to intrude, but you didn’t answer your phone so I insisted on checking on you in person.” Raven added glaring at Anya with reproach in the eyes giving the impression of a mother reprimanding her daughter with her look, knowing she couldn’t say what she wanted because of the people already there.

“Oh yeah, I was busy.” Clarke said glancing at Lexa on the bed before looking back at the two girls.

“Lexa is here?”

“Yeah. We were talking before the two of you passed by.” Clarke didn’t do it on purpose, but her tone was telling more than her words. It was a bit harsh and rough, giving the impression the two girls were disturbing the two best friends.

“Oh.” The two girls said in unison. They exchanged a knowing glance before looking back at Clarke.

“Well, we will leave you with your conversation.” Anya stated without leaving room for Clarke to object. “Tell Lexa I say hi.” With these words, Anya grabbed Raven’s wrist and pulled her in the corridor.

“Okay. Bye girls.” Clarke said surprised by the girls’ strange behavior. 

Clarke looked at Anya and Raven who were walking in the corridor and as she was going to close the door, Raven turned over and spoke again.

“Hey Clarke, have fun.” she said with a big smile on her face and a wink.

“Why do you have to be so unsubtle?” Anya asked shoving Raven on the back of her head.

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are!”

“But you love me!” Raven stated with a goofy smile and kissed Anya several times on the face.

Anya faked a disgusted face and replied: “Uh. I don’t know if I didn’t prefer when you were anti PDA.”

“You know what?”

“No what?”

“Fuck you!”

“I thought you would do it for me.” Anya replied casually, a smirk on her face.

At these words Raven giggled and whispered skillfully in her girlfriend’s ear. “I would gladly accede to your request, my captain.”

“Perfect.” Anya stated pecking Raven’s mouth quickly before leading her toward the girl’s dorm.

Clarke couldn’t help being envious of the two girls. In her eyes, even though the girls crossed the way of a lot of obstacles, they were finally together and happy, all she won’t have with Lexa. She closed the door, her heart heavy with all the pain her feelings for her best friend gave her.

“Who was it?”

Lexa’s words made her turned around. “Raven and Anya.” Lexa furrowed her brows so Clarke clarified. “They wanted to check on me because I left without telling them.”

“Oh.” Lexa said then paused and asked. “Are they together now?”

“Yeah I think. I don’t really know but it seemed that they are.”

“They’re weird.” Lexa stated while leaning on the bed.

“Yeah.”

“Of all the girls Anya could date I would have never bet on Raven.” Lexa stated dreamily. She absolutely wanted to change the subject after her almost confession and dissipate the tension in the room.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Anya has never been one for, you know brunette girl. She has a thing for blonde girl. I thought she would want to date you but she never made a move though.”

Clarke sat on the bed lightly. “What do you know?”

Lexa rose from her laying position quickly. “She tried to date you? You dated her?”

“No Lexa, she didn’t.” Clarke sighed.

“Okay.”  Lexa nodded to herself and laid on the bed again.

Clarke left the silence fill the room, trying to think about something else but she couldn’t help feeling that she had to get to the bottom of the issue.

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?” Lexa asked her eyes closed as if she was trying to sleep or something.

“Like me dating your cousin would bother you.”

Lexa opened her eyes. “I’m not…”

“Yes you are!” Clarke exclaimed pointing at Lexa several times with her finger. “What is it Lexa? I’m not good enough for your cousin? For you?”

“What are you talking about?” Lexa was completely incredulous in front of her best friend who was totally losing her mind by making assumptions from nowhere.

“I’m just pointing the obvious Lexa. Is it why you stopped before? Because you don’t find me attractive?”

Lexa looked at her with her eyes opened widely and her mouth slightly agape. She was certainly not expecting Clarke to talk about their previous situation again and especially not explaining her reaction with a completely mistaken supposition.

“I don’t…”

“You know what forget it!” Clarke rose from the bed and walked toward her own. She hadn’t slept in it for months now but it was maybe better for the both of them. Lexa grabbed her wrist quickly. “Clarke, don’t.”

The blonde wiggled her arm to escape from the brunette’s grip.

“Don’t don’t me Lexa!”

“You realize you’re sentence doesn’t make any sense right?” Lexa said trying to ease the atmosphere which absolutely didn’t work. For the first time in their relationship, Lexa didn’t know what to do or say. She could see Clarke was hurt by something but she couldn’t put a finger on it. The situation was too foggy, her mind was too foggy to understand and act accordingly. She didn’t have much time to think about it though because Clarke started to cry. It wasn’t a soft sobbing like she did when her mother scolded her after she found her and Lexa had played in the mud resulting by their clothes being dirty or the day she lost her favorite pokemon’s card. This was a real grief the girl was supporting and Lexa was clearly unaware of it until now.

“Clarke?”

Clarke didn’t move, she had her arms crossed over her chest, her brows furrowed as if she was trying to muffle her sobbing. “Leave me alone, okay?” she succeeded to mumble in her sadness state.

“You’re crying.” Lexa stated more to herself than to Clarke but the blonde seemed to not notice it answering as if it was the world’s dumbest question.

“Yes Lexa I’m crying. Can you leave my monstrous self alone, now?!”

 

“No!” Lexa took Clarke by her shoulders, forcing her to make eyes contact with her. “Why are you reacting like this? Why are you denigrating yourself like that?” When she didn’t get a response from the blonde she asked again. “Is it because of Finn?”

Clarke looked up at her best friend, her eyes charged of sadness and incredulity. “What’s the relation with Finn?”

“Because he didn’t treat you well. He made you feel like you were fat and ugly and not good enough for him.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Clarke said pushing herself off Lexa’s embrace.

“Of course I am. What do you think? That I’m blind? That I punch people for the pleasure? He deserved it because he put you down, you weren’t the same when you dated him.” Lexa sighed and approached Clarke again. “You lost your self-confidence and tried losing weight with some stupid diets we know doesn’t work.” She put her hand under Clarke’s chin and moved it upward. “All of this stopped when you discovered he was cheating on you with Raven. The second you broke up with him, you started to live again and being the real you, the beautiful, amazing Clarke.” She added with a small smile and a spark in her eyes.

“If I was so deep in my shit why you didn’t do anything to help me?” Clarke asked her voice breaking while doing it. She didn’t know she was holding so much pain but it seemed that Lexa did. Her feelings were blended together and she didn’t know what to do with each one. Lexa’s rejection was awaking her insecurities, insecurities she didn’t realize she had before Lexa put a finger on it. It was almost too much, but with Lexa standing in front of her she found it easier to face her demons.

“Because you refused my help, I think you needed to do it by yourself. But to be honest, I didn’t think you would still feel bad about it. You seemed to be blooming with Bellamy.”

“I wouldn’t use the word blooming.” Clarke corrected, she wasn’t crying anymore but Lexa wouldn’t bet she won’t again. “He made me happy I guess but I’m happier with you.” These words sent a warm wave in Lexa’s heart, the brunette couldn’t help the huge smile that appeared on her face at the mention of her superiority over Bellamy to make Clarke happy. “He didn’t really love me for me, he wanted something behind and I didn’t notice it until we broke up. On the other hand, you’ve been my best friend since the beginning and you never asked for something in exchange.”

“Well you did help me when I was with Costia.”

“Yeah but you never asked for it.”

“Nor for the day you talked to me for the first time. You were the only kid that didn’t make fun of me because I was weird.”

“You weren’t weird. You were acting and thinking differently but it didn’t make you someone weird. They would have known it if they didn’t spend all their time judging people and labeling them without learning to know them before.” Clarke replied anger rising at the memories of spiteful kids.

“I know but you did take time to learn to know me and that’s why you’re my best friend. You understand me more than anybody.”

Clarke’s lips moved upward. “The same goes for me. You’re the only person that can read me like you do.”

“That’s because you’re easy to read, people are not. That’s why I don’t really like people, they are too weird, and not knowing what they think scares me sometimes.” Lexa said awe in her eyes directed at the amazing soul she had in front of her.

“I know baby. Come here.”

Lexa walked forward and let Clarke’s arms wrap around her body. She put her head in the crook of the blonde’s neck and inhaled her scent deeply. The smell had for effect to calm her instantly wherever they were and whatever happened. “So you really see yourself as a monster?”

“It’s a strange way to ask, Lex.” Clarke mumbled in her best friend’s hairs.

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just that I-I didn’t know how to ask.” She stuttered dumbly. Why did she have to be so clumsy while talking with Clarke today?

“It’s okay, Lex.” She stated caressing the back of Lexa’s head.

“So?”

“Yes.”

Lexa removed her head from its delicious place. “Why? I mean I know that what happened with Finn and Bellamy did not help you to love yourself but come on Clarke, you’re you.”

Clarke forced Lexa’s head back on her shoulder and started playing with the baby hair in the brunette’s neck. “And how being me prevents from not liking myself?” Lexa didn’t respond, she was humming, enjoying Clarke’s ministration.

“Lex?”

All the exhaustion of the day fell on Lexa’s shoulders at the moment and she couldn’t stop herself from talking with practically no filter.

“All the boys want to date you, even when we were children.” She mumbled slowly.

“It doesn’t prove anything other than that they have bad tastes.”

“What do you think about mine?”

“Your what?”

Lexa raised her head again. “My tastes. Do you think I have bad ones or not?”

“Well giving the girls you have dated, I think you have pretty good ones.”

Lexa moved her head away even more from Clarke. “How’s that the girls I dated? They weren’t so amazing.”

“Come on Lex, they were all so beautiful, at the time I thought you had a thing for models!”

“Beauty means nothing and you know that besides, it’s not as if I’ve always been with pretty girls.”

“You’re such a big liar!”

They laughed together, looking at each other before Lexa spoke again.

 “You’re beautiful.” She took a strand of Clarke’s hair and put it behind the blonde’s ear.

Beautiful, the word filled her heart with a warm sensation that Clarke didn’t know she could ever feel. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Lexa said dreamily. “You’re kind, smart and talented. You have nothing to envy to other girls.”

“You say that because you’re my best friend and you want to reassure me.”

“No. Hypothetically speaking, I could definitely date you if we weren’t friends.”

Clarke furrowed her brows. “Why being friends would be an obstacle for you?” Lexa was still in her arms and she was instinctively caressing her back with her hands. From the exterior, their position could appear as a lover one but for them it was just something they found themselves comfortable in.

“I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t want to lose you.” Lexa answered, unsure of how Clarke would react at her words and if she would notice the whole secret aspect in her answer.

“But maybe it would be better for us, I mean look at our exs, they made us suffer, but for what?”

“Nothing.” Lexa completed moving forward as if she was mesmerized by the blonde’s eyes. They were so blue, Lexa could see herself sink in them as she was moving toward the blonde’s face.  

“I’m talking for me now but I think that I’ve always been happier with you than with other people, my exs included.” Clarke stated lowly, her hoarse voice and her eyes traveling to the brunette’s eyes to her lips betraying her desire for Lexa. 

“I know you’re right but this is the life, people are not supposed to be like we want them to.” Lexa said gulping her saliva.

“I know but don’t you think that maybe we both deserve more than that?” Clarke asked, her face now an inch away from Lexas.

“Maybe we do.” Lexa replied her nose bumping against her best friends.

Lexa was going to kiss Clarke and she couldn’t help feeling herself stress at the perspective. What if she had misinterpreted the signs? What if the blonde didn’t want her like she wanted her? What if she takes what she wants and leaves her with her broken heart? As if Clarke could read her mind which she could easily do, the blonde pressed her forehead against hers and took a deep breath. She was looking in Lexa’s eyes gauging if kissing her was the right move after what the brunette admitted a few seconds before. Lexa wasn’t disgusted by her, it was quite the opposite, she found her beautiful. It was because she was afraid of losing her that her best friend rejected her but she knew that it would never happen. She loved Lexa way too much to leave her like that. That was when the reality of the situation hit her. Even though Lexa knew her and understood her, she couldn’t sleep with her because she didn’t know what Clarke was feeling. After all, the blonde herself accepted her love for the brunette just a few weeks ago. How Lexa couldn’t cringe at the idea of becoming closer with her not knowing what she really felt for her?

She knew what she had to do, it was risky but she had to put her heart on the table. After all, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to stand it if Lexa date someone else. She wanted to be with Lexa and when she was thinking about what almost happened between them at the party, in the swimming pool or in the snow she couldn’t help thinking that her best friend was as willing as her to make the final leap; her fear of losing her holding her back.

“Lexa, I...” She started, causing Lexa to bump their noses again, leading Clarke to close her eyes.

“Yeah?”

She breathed deeply before opening her eyes revealing it to Lexa.

“I love you.” The words pronounced so much time before filled the room with a new weight in them. “I’m in love with you, Lexa. I love every part of you.”

Lexa started to cry. Never on earth she would have thought that Clarke could share her feelings one day and it was way too much emotionally speaking. She felt a huge wave of warm and love spread in her body and couldn’t help blinking a few times, afraid of dreaming the whole declaration.

Clarke caressed her cheek slowly, carefully wiping a tear before continuing. “Every fiber of my entire being is magnetized by you and it has always been like this from the first day my eyes laid on you, with your big beautiful green eyes and your stupid ball till now with your face full of tears. I think I knew I loved you the second I saw you because you were special and I couldn’t help falling in love with your beautiful soul…”

She didn’t make it to the end because Lexa kissed her. He heart was beating erratically in her chest and she didn’t know if it was because of the stress of her revelation or the fact that Lexa was kissing her. To say the truth, she really didn’t care because she confessed her feelings to her favorite person in the world and instead of being rejected, the girl in question was now kissing her neck whispering sweet nothing in her ears that unfortunately she couldn’t hear because of the loudness of her heartbeat. She thought she had heard a “I love you so much” but she wouldn’t bet on it, Lexa being too reserved to express herself like this.

She didn’t really know what happened after, all she could remember was that a second she was standing in the middle of the dorm with Lexa in her arms and the next she was laying on the bed with the girl above her. Like a moment ago, the atmosphere heated up quickly, noises of nipping, kissing and heavy breathing were filling the room until Lexa stopped it.

“Wait, wait, I think we are getting carried away.” She said rising a bit from the blonde.

At her reaction, Clarke’s face contorted in a sort of worried grimace that the brunette couldn’t miss even if she wanted to.

“Wow don’t be afraid, okay?” she caressed Clarke’s cheek slowly.

“Okay.”

“I just wanted to say that I don’t want our first time to be like this you know? I want to bring you on a date and court you, before you know? Because you’re really important to me and I don’t want to ruin this by rushing it too much and I…”

Clarke interrupted her. “Lex?”

“Yeah?” she said hope filling her eyes.

“You’re rambling.”

“I know.” she whined.

“It’s okay.” She grabbed Lexa and made her lay on her, her head on her chest like they always do. “I agree with you, I don’t want to rush things.”

Lexa raised her head. “So you’re okay to go on a date with me?”

“If it’s asked so nicely I can’t say no.”

This made Lexa smile, she couldn’t stop her heart from doing weird things in her chest. “What do you think about tomorrow?”

“Wow you’re really eager.” Clarke said which made Lexa’s smile drop a little. “Hey it’s okay babe, I’m looking forward to it too.” She stated poking Lexa’s nose with her forefinger.

“So tomorrow it is then?”

“Yeah.” Clarke approved with a goofy smile on the face. “Can we sleep now? All these emotions tired me.”

“Yeah, okay.” Lexa said ecstatic. “Good night Clarke.”

“Good night Lex.” She kissed Lexa’s forehead which made the girl above her sigh before closing her eyes.

As the blonde fall asleep almost instantly, Lexa took more time though, she wanted to enjoy the sensation of being loved by Clarke, her best friend Clarke. She couldn’t believe what happened a few moments. Clarke was in love with her and they were going to go on a date. It was a dream coming true and she had to pinch herself a few times to believe it really happened. Lexa couldn’t help being afraid of Clarke changing her mind but at the same time she knew the blonde wouldn’t tell things like this if she wasn’t really sure about her feelings. After a few minutes of thinking, she closed her eyes and fell asleep lulling by Clarke’s breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter! :)   
> I posted a bit early because I haven't finish writing the 15th chapter.  
> I want to warn you to not expect an update too soon (2 or 3 weeks) because it's soon the period exam and my best friend and I won't be able to focus on the fic like we usually do.   
> Thanks again for your support and your kind words it means a lot to me! :D  
> PS: Don't worry I won't leave this fic unfinished, my best friend would never let me do this! :P


	15. Chapter 15

Lexa was awake. She was awake and she didn’t know what to do. Last night Clarke told her she had feelings for her and now as the blonde was gently snoring in her ear, she couldn’t help wondering if the blonde won’t regret what she said. She didn’t know why but she started to freak out. Well it wasn’t true, she knew why. She passed her whole life loving her best friend in the dark and now, the blonde was offering her what she has been waiting for during this whole time. How could she not freak out knowing that the girl under her could change her mind when she would wake up? She couldn’t help gripping Clarke’s shirt tightly at the prospect of the blonde going back. She was feeling like at any moment somebody could take away her happiness and she couldn’t help thinking about the time at the party when she left with a broken heart and with only her tears to evacuate the pain in her chest. It was a horrendous night and Lexa could still feel her heart being broken by the look on Clarke’s face when Bellamy interrupted them. She was so close to touch her dream which made the fall even more painful and Lexa knew, she knew that she couldn’t bear Clarke not loving her the way she expressed it last night. Because the feelings Lexa implied having for the blonde last night weren’t just love feelings and she didn’t know what she would do if Clarke wasn’t able to return them.

It was also a tiny opening of the whole things that Lexa didn’t dare think about before. She could see herself renting an apartment with Clarke, organizing a big wedding with flowers everywhere, going on a honeymoon anywhere because she knew that there was nowhere she wouldn’t be happy if Clarke was with her. All these thoughts were accompanied with so much more and Lexa couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed by all of this. She was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t realize Clarke had stopped snoring a few seconds ago.

“Lex, I didn’t change my mind for our date so please stop squeezing me so hard.” Clarke sighed without opening an eye. “I can’t breathe and although the perspective of me dying in your arms wouldn’t be so bad, I think I would rather finish my night and go on a magical date with you at the end of the day, okay?” she asked rubbing Lexa’s back with her hand.

“Oh yeah. Of course. I will stop right away, sorry.”

“You’re too cute when you’re rambling, you dummy.” she said with her eyes semi-opened and a lopsided smile.

“I’m not rambling. I’m just tired, okay?”

“Yeah maybe this is what happens when you spend your night overthinking instead of sleeping.”

“I didn’t…”

Clarke shushed her with a kiss on the mouth which left Lexa completely stunned and she leant on her pillow, closing her eyes immediately at the contact with the softness.

“Now go to sleep. We have a big day today.”

Lexa didn’t make a slight movement, too busy feeling her lips burning after Clarke kissed it.  Clarke reopened her eyes when she didn’t feel Lexa’s head on her chest but her stiff body across her legs.

“Lex, don’t be silly, we have classes to...”

Her sentence was cut by Lexa climbing off the bed. The brunette moved erratically in the room and started dressing quickly.

“Lex what are you doing?”

“I just need some air, you know. We’ve been in this room for a while now and I just want to breathe a bit.”

Clarke jumped off the bed immediately and tried to grab Lexa’s wrist.

“Lex what’s happening?”

The only answer Lexa gave her was the door closing behind her with a loud thud. Lexa ran in the stairs, she needed fresh air to clear her mind. She didn’t expect Clarke to be so open with her feelings and to say the truth, after being scared that her best friend could leave her, she was now feeling afraid of all the affection that the blonde surrounded her with. It wasn’t that she didn’t feel the same, of course she did, it was just that she didn’t feel ready to open the last part of her being that she had never opened up to Clarke. To this was added the fact that she wasn’t ready to face the possibility of Clarke rejecting her because of the force of the feelings she had for the blonde.

Lexa was now outside, she didn’t know how it happened, but she found herself in the middle of the campus. She stopped abruptly and started trying to breathe normally. She didn’t realize she had difficulties to breathe when she was walking, but now she could feel her whole body being overwhelmed by the whole situation. In the haste, she didn’t take anything with her, just a hoodie to cover her chest. So she found herself shivering but she didn’t know if it was because of the cold or because of the panic rising in her body. She instinctively gripped the side of her hoodie, making her hand white by the force of her grip. She walked for a while, just trying to breathe normally and clear her mind. After an hour, she took the direction of her first class as if nothing happened an hour before.  

***

Clarke didn’t know what to do or think about this so she stood in the room looking at the door expectantly like a dog waiting for its master to come back. After God knew how much time, the girl accepted the reality of the situation: Lexa was not coming back. She reviewed what happened and couldn’t help feeling completely lost in relation to Lexa’s behavior. She weighed each word she had said, each intonation and each action that had accompanied them but she didn’t find something relevant. So she sat on the bed and sighed deeply before grabbing her phone to call the only person she knew she could talk to about what happened: Raven.

The phone rang five times before she heard the hoarse voice of a sleepy Raven.

“Hello?”

“Ray it’s me. I’m sorry for calling you this early, I just-I. It’s Lexa.” she said sighing deeply in the phone.

“What about Lexa?” Raven asked.

Clarke thought she had heard a hoarser voice asking with who Raven was talking but she wasn’t sure and to say the truth she really didn’t care at the moment. It was when Raven answered “Clarke” and “it’s about Lexa” that she knew she was right. She could hear noises of a blanket shuffling and then Anya’s voice resonated in the phone.

“Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

“What happened?”

“I-I don’t know.” Clarke took a deep breath knowing Anya would let her have some time to put herself together. “She ran away. I kissed her and she ran away.”

“You kissed her?” Anya asked clearly surprised by the revelation. The blonde didn’t have time to answer though because she heard Raven yelling. “What? Clarke kissed Lexa?”

“I don’t know you jackass if you weren’t screaming like a crazy girl I could hear what Clarke is telling me!”

Clarke couldn’t help chuckling at the exchange but the weight on her heart reminded her why she called in the first place so she kept talking.

“I told her I loved her last night and well she reacted well I mean…”

“Did the two of you had sex?” Raven asked a smirk in her voice.

“Raven please stop this! You’re so inappropriate now!” Anya exclaimed.

“Ray can we just talk seriously for two minutes? I’m really worried about what I could have done wrong.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Anya what do you think?”

“Well I don’t really know Clarke, I’m not in Lexa’s head but if there is something I know for sure is that she loves you like really really loves you so don’t take her behavior like a rejection thing.”

“Okay.” Clarke said, relief clearly in her voice.

“I think that she might have freaked out because she thought you didn’t love her the same way.”

“No it’s not possible. I opened up my heart to her last night and she was… happy. She didn’t seem to be frustrated or something.”

“Clarke you have to understand that Lexa and you are two different persons okay? Even though you are best friends, you are not the same person.”

“I know that!”

“So you should understand that Lexa could be afraid of your rejection even though you told her that you loved her.”

“No I can’t! It’s stupid! How could she think like this?”

“It didn’t occur to you that she could be afraid of losing her best friend and not just her girlfriend?” There was a blank on the phone. “Come on Clarke! You know how Lexa is, she doesn’t like people, she doesn’t have a lot of friends…”

“That’s wrong she has Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, Jasper…”

“They are your friends.”

“No they’re not!”

“Yes but in Lexa’s head they are! You’re the only person she really feels comfortable with, the only person she could do everything for. You can’t put the whole weight of a possible relationship on her shoulders after she loved you for so long and wait for her to carry it without freaking out. Clarke, she loves you but I think she would rather be your best friend forever than lose you.”

“I know you’re right but I-I don’t know what to do. I mean we planned to go on a date today and she was answering my kiss this morning I don’t understand how she could have hidden her feelings for this long.”

“Because she showed her true self only to one person.”

“Me.” Clarke said pensively.

“Yeah, you. You don’t have to go after her for now, leave her alone, if she said she needed some air, so let her be. But, don’t act as if nothing happened between the two of you.”

“Why? Isn’t it more preferable?”

“No because the two of you want more than just a friendship and even though I think you could deal with your feelings, I think it would break Lexa’s heart.”

“So you think I should act like her best friend?”

“Yeah I think it’s the best approach you can make.”

“Okay, I’m going to try. Thanks An.”

“You’re welcome moron.”

Clarke hanged up the phone and stared at the ceiling. How could she have been so blind? Lexa needed her best friend to talk to but she acted selfishly and instead of reassuring her with her feelings, she did the exact opposite. Now that she had talked to Anya, she had all her thoughts clear, she knew what she had to do to work things out.

***

The day passed quickly for Lexa, it was a casual day and it was what hit her the most. She thought that with what happened this morning she would receive ton of calls and texts from Clarke but instead the blonde had only identified her on cute cat pics and funny dogs on Instagram. It wasn’t something unusual and Lexa wouldn’t think much about it if she didn’t run away after the girl kissed her this morning. She passed the day thinking about it and she started to wonder if acting like she used to wasn’t a way for Clarke to tell her that she wasn’t so sure about them anymore. These thoughts accompanied her the whole day, making her heart ache with pain and her head burn with self-doubts.

At the end of her day, she was talking with a girl from her class; well it was more a girl from her class who was trying to talk with her, when she saw Clarke. The blonde was leaning on the classroom’s door and looking at her with a smile on her face. Lexa didn’t know what to do or say so she stopped dead in her track while the girl she was talking to continued to talk alone. It really didn’t impact much on the monologue the girl was having though so Lexa didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. She looked at Clarke who was looking at her expectantly as if she was waiting for her to run away again which she didn’t because she didn’t feel the need to. Instead, she walked slowly forward and stopped just before the blonde. Clarke reached for her the second she stopped moving though, wrapping her arms carefully around her. She released the brunette a few seconds after though, she didn’t want to make the situation even more awkward than before.

“How was your day?” she asked slightly uncomfortable under her best friend’s gaze.

“Why are you acting like this?”

She didn’t think Lexa would be so direct. “Like what?” she mumbled completely lost at the brunette’s behavior.

She didn’t know why, but the words which escaped from the blonde’s mouth made her angry. “Like nothing happened. I mean if you want us to act like before it’s fine, I can bear it but stop being awkward because…”

She didn’t make it to the end though, because Clarke cut her mid-sentence. “Look Lexa, me dating you doesn’t erase the fact that I’m your best friend and this no matter what happens between us. I want you to know that there’s no way you’re going to get rid of me, you’re stuck with me forever even though we’re dating or not. So stop being an idiot and come with me.” She stated with a stern face. She grabbed Lexa’s hand and led her toward the building exit.

“Where are we going?” Lexa asked suddenly really worried by the turn of the events.

“You remember how we always used to talk about playing bowling when we were living with our families?”

Lexa faked thinking a bit. “No, but I remember you telling me how much you hated wearing shoes that other people had worn a few minutes before.” she said with a small smile on the lips.

Clarke shoved her on the arm.

“So we’re going to play bowling?”

“Yeah. What do you think?” Clarke asked hope in the eyes like a child asking to go to Disney Land.

“It’s cool, I guess.” she answered trying to stop a smile from appearing on her face.

“Okay so let’s go!” Clarke said raising her fist in the air. The action made Lexa chuckle lightly and she couldn’t help squeezing Clarke’s hand with her own.

***

“Lex, it’s horrible I don’t know if I will be able to bear this for a long time!” Clarke whined.

“You were the one who wanted to go play bowling. Besides you know it’s not going to take long, I’ll kick your ass before the previous player’s transpiration reaches your feet.”

“Ugh! Why do you have to be so disgusting?” She moved forward after adjusting her shoes. “And you’re not going to kick my ass because I’m way better than you at this game!” she exclaimed pointing at the brunette.

Lexa smirked at the girl’s competitive spirit before leading Clarke toward their bowling lane. “Come on, miss I’m better than you at bowling even though I can’t touch a pin!”

Clarke grumbled but followed Lexa though. She could sense that the atmosphere was less heavy than before and that their dynamic was slowly coming back.

They started the game and Lexa was the first to throw a ball. She concentrated deeply, feeling as if she was playing for the Olympics games. She concentrated on the target, forgetting everything that was surrounding her. When she was finally going to feel ready, the blonde interrupted her trance.

“You’re planning to sleep here or what?”

“Clarke! You made me lose my concentration! I have to do it again now!”

“Oh no please Lex throw this fucking ball for God’s love!”

Lexa made a shush sign to Clarke and turned over. She started to concentrate again and as she was going to release the ball, Clarke faked sneezing loudly behind her. This made Lexa lose her concentration and throw the ball straight in the left’s gutter.

“You cheated!”

“I did not.”

“You sneezed!”

“Oh I’m sorry Lex, I didn’t know it wasn’t authorized to sneeze at bowling!”

“You know what I mean Clarke!”

“No I don’t! Stop being so aggressive and concentrate on your shot instead of on the noises I can make.” Clarke said rising from her seat with a big smirk plastered on her face.

“You’re such a…” Lexa grumbled for herself.

Clarke took her place in front of the bowling’s lane; she had her ball in her hand and looked at the direction she wanted the ball to reach. As the blonde was going to throw the ball, Lexa coughed loudly behind her making the blonde throw the ball anyhow.

“You’re such a cheater!”

“Why? Because I cough? Sorry, I didn’t know it wasn’t authorized to cough at bowling.” Lexa replied sarcastically.

The two girls looked at each other before bursting into laugher. That was how they played during the totality of the game. They would make noises, grab each other’s body and scream just to make the other miss her shot. They didn’t pay attention to all the people looking at them and instead, enjoyed the moment with the other. Lexa smiled brightly during the whole time, knowing how much this was a good omen for their relationship. Now for Lexa it was a certainty, no matter what, they’ll be alright.

They left the bowling three games after, laughing at each other and taking the other’s arm. Lexa thought they were going to come back to their dorm but as they were walking she realized Clarke was leading her in quite the opposite direction. In the night’s darkness, she didn’t understand where they were going until they reached a park. Clarke turned toward her with a huge smile and she couldn’t help worrying about what they were going to do until she saw a food truck parked in the middle of a way.

“We’re going to eat tacos?” Lexa asked surprised. She didn’t expect to go to bowling and eat tacos today, especially with what happened with Clarke in the morning.

“Yeah! Isn’t it great? I think I’m going to take one with chicken, what do you think?” Clarke asked without really paying attention to what Lexa would answer.

The action made Lexa smile and the brunette couldn’t help craving to put her hand in Clarkes. The two girls ordered their food and walked a bit before sitting on a bench in the middle of the park.

“So what do you think?”

“What do I think of what?”

“Of our date?” Clarke asked clearly uncomfortable.

Lexa didn’t expect Clarke to worry about what she could think of the night. She gulped her saliva slowly and as she was going to answer, the blonde cut her by wiping some sauce which was on the corner of her mouth. The action caused a strong wave of warmth to spread in the brunette’s body.

“It was magical.” she said, her eyes sparkling with affection for the girl who stole her heart years ago.

Clarke didn’t answer; she just looked at Lexa in the eyes, a small smile on the face.

“Really?”

Lexa sighed, closing her eyes for a few seconds to give herself some courage;

“Look Clarke, I love you and not in a ‘I kind of have a crush on you’ way. I’m deeply in love with you, like I’m head over heels for you okay? So please if you have even a hint of remorse say it now because I don’t know if my poor heart would handle a rejection after this.”

Clarke was taken aback by Lexa’s pleading. She didn’t stay stunned though, she straightened up quickly and looked in the brunette’s eyes. “Hey babe, it’s okay.” She put her hand on Lexa’s cheeks and pecked the girl’s forehead. “I was very serious last night. Even on the worst date possible you managed to make me fall for you even more.” she stated, caressing Lexa’s cheeks while looking at her with her eyes full of love. They both chuckled lightly, Lexa let herself being caressed by Clarke’s affection and couldn’t help looking at the blonde with awe in the eyes. They stayed in a deep silence for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence. The cold air was hitting both their faces but they didn’t care. All they could focus on was the practically spiritual moment they were sharing with the other. It was nothing really new for them, they always sit together and talk with their eyes, but tonight, the feelings their eyes were caring were heavier than before. Lexa pressed her cheek against Clarke’s hand which was still on her face. She couldn’t help enjoying the sensation of the warm palm against her cold face. She didn’t know if it was the contrast between the hotness and the coldness or if it was just all the love that was surrounding them but Lexa couldn’t control herself when she said what she had in mind for so long.

“You’re the first girl that I have ever loved.” The words slipped from her tongue as if their only aim was to be heard by Clarke, as if it was their whole existence purpose and now they could die in the silence of the air. The sweet words came brushing Clarke’s face and as quickly as they left the brunette’s mouth, they traveled in Clarke’s body and exploded in a warm wave of love in the blonde’s chest. The blonde smiled goofily and kissed Lexa slowly, trying to give all the love she could feel for the brunette.

Clarke was craving for Lexa’s lips but this time she wanted her best friend to make the first step. Completely unaware, the brunette was waiting for the blonde’s reward after her love declaration. They stayed without moving, Lexa waiting for her reward and Clarke for the brunette to make a move. The situation made Clarke smile, she knew Lexa for so long now and she knew how the brunette was thinking. Of course the girl would like her to make the first move and of course she wouldn’t. It was a part of their dynamic, a polarization of their actions but the opposite at the same time. The liked the fact that they would think and act differently even after all these years of sharing and growing together.

She kept waiting until the brunette, frustrated to not have what she was waiting for opened her eyes. It took two seconds for Lexa to understand. One look and she saw the spark in her best friend’s eyes which made the neurons connect together. So she did what Clarke was waiting for her to do and what she didn’t realize she also wanted to do until the blonde pushed her in her last resort. Lexa closed the gap between them, she pressed her lips on Clarkes slowly as if she was trying to experiment every forms, every sensation provided by the girl’s lips. Their loving kiss evolved in a heated one, Clarke nipped Lexa’s lips before looking at her straight in the eyes.

“I think we should go back to our dorm.” She looked at Lexa’s lips again, quickly pecking it causing the brunette to close her eyes.

“Yeah, let’s do that.” Lexa mumbled before moving forward to kiss Clarke again. They stayed kissing each other a few minutes before Clarke finally broke the kiss and grabbed Lexa’s hand to lead her to their dorm. When they reached their dorm, Clarke fumbled with the keys while Lexa was pressing kisses all over her neck and collarbone. Clarke finally opened the door and the two girls stumbled in the room. She didn’t have time to put herself together though, because Lexa pushed her against the door and started kissing her roughly. Clarke was feeling an explosion of sensation at the same time, the sensation of Lexa’s tongue touching hers, Lexa’s hands keeping hers above her head, Lexa’s breath on her face, everything was hot and made her heart beat. They stayed against the door for a few minutes before Clarke felt her best friend removing herself from her. Lexa looked at her while breathing quickly, her black dilated pupils were roaming all over Clarke’s body making the blonde shiver from just imagining what the girl was thinking of doing to her.

Lexa didn’t waste time though; she quickly caught her breath and pulled Clarke toward her, taking her hand to lead her to their bed. She pushed the blonde on the bed before crawling on her with a smirk on her face. She didn’t know why but after doubting for so long about Clarke’s feelings and hers, she was now feeling confident enough to show the blonde how much she wanted her. She kissed Clarke’s lips furiously, she missed the feeling of them on hers even though it had been just a few seconds since she kissed the blonde’s lips. She quickly changed her position on the girl’s body and started kissing Clarke’s neck. She kissed and nipped and caressed the area, going down toward the girl’s cleavage. She raised her head, looking at Clarke to see any sign of rejection but saw nothing. Clarke nodded quickly, raising her arms to help the brunette remove her top. Lexa threw it somewhere in the room and continued her exploration of her best friend’s body.

 

People might think it as something weird; two best friends kissing and moving forward to the next step, but it felt just natural for them. The whole touching the other and exploring each other’s body was so natural and right for the two girls. They didn’t think about everything they came through, didn’t think about anything else that wasn’t the other.

After a few minutes of licking and touching back and forth over the blonde’s chest, Lexa wanted to see more, she wanted to feel more of Clarke. She was going to remove the girl’s bra but as she was going to do it she saw a spark that wasn’t there before in the girl’s eyes. She quickly paused, looking straight in Clarke’s eyes.

“Clarke, are you okay?” Lexa asked her tone betraying her worry.

“Yeah, of course.” Clarke quickly replied not looking at her in the eyes.

“Clarke?”

The blonde moved her head to the side, avoiding any visual contact.

At first, Lexa didn’t understand the blonde’s reaction, maybe because of her state of excitation or the throbbing in the lower part of her body. But when Lexa realized the reasons behind Clarke’s internal struggle she quickly composed herself. She knew what she had to do, even though it was scary. But at the same time she knew she had to, especially if Clarke was keeping her feelings for herself.

“Clarke look at me.”

The blonde kept her head to the side, not daring to look at these ex-green eyes which read her way too well.

“Look, I know you have to learn to love yourself again but I can love you for two, okay?”

Clarke turned her head toward her best friend, a small spark that Lexa attributed to a first victory against the girl’s apprehension. She moved forward and kissed Clarke’s mouth before her forehead.

“I want to see you first.”

It wasn’t new for them, Clarke had seen her best friend’s body many time before but not like this. This was a totally new situation for the two of them, so when Clarke asked to see her, Lexa knew that it wasn’t just because of a sexual attraction. It was because Clarke wanted to see her entirely. Lexa obliged, she straightened up a bit and removed her top and her bra consecutively. She stayed on Clarke, looking at the girl who was now looking at her with even more desire than before. Lexa didn’t say anything, she just looked at her best friend while her eyes were traveling all over her chest. She couldn’t suppress a smile when she saw Clarke’s gaze on her abs.

“You can touch it you know.”

Clarke looked at Lexa’s face before returning her gaze on the girl’s abs. She slowly put her hand on it, the sensation made Lexa’s belly clench and Clarke nipped her lower lip seeing the effect she was having on the brunette. Clarke caressed Lexa’s abs for a while before Lexa took her hand and pinned her on the mattress.  She kissed Clarke’s neck, licking her ear before whispering in it.

“Your turn.” Lexa pecked Clarke’s neck before removing herself to leave space for the girl.

Clarke looked at Lexa with anxiety but when she saw that there were only desire and love in her best friend’s eyes she pulled her bra over her head, freeing her boobs for the girl she loved the most in the world.

The vision of Clarke’s boobs disconcerted Lexa who was confident since they had reached the dorm. Lexa felt a bit overwhelmed by the situation, she was drinking the vision of Clarke’s boobs hungrily.

“Can I?”

“Yeah.”

Lexa moved her hand slowly over Clarke’s left nipple, caressing it with her fingers; the action made the blonde close her eyes.

“More, Lex.”

Lexa didn’t wait anymore, she wanted to touch Clarke, to feel her. She took one nipple in her mouth, using her tongue to play with it and caressed the other with her other hand. She passed from one nipple to the other, not daring to favor one over the other. When she felt that Clarke had enough of the teasing, Lexa made eye contact with her, and slowly dragged her tongue over the blonde’s belly. She felt Clarke’s hand on the back of her head but instead of putting her lower, she felt the blonde pulling her toward her. She made her way towards the blonde’s head and stopped, waiting for Clarke to tell her she wanted to stop for the night. Instead, she felt Clarke’s arms wrapping around her neck and the blonde pressed her lips on hers strongly. They kissed for a while, just enjoying the contact of their bodies pressed against the other. Clarke was grinding against Lexa’s center while placing kisses on the brunette’s lips and neck.

They stopped kissing, their foreheads pressed together. They were looking at each other while catching their breath. 

Lexa removed herself from the blonde and quickly removed her pants. She looked at Clarke with her eyes full of love and awe before reaching for the front button of the blonde’s pants. She got rid of them quickly and placed herself against her best friend’s body.

“Now, I’m going to make love to you.”

The words made Clarke’s entire body clench. Lexa smirked before moving again.

“Is that okay?” Lexa stated gliding her hand in Clarke‘s panties.

“Yeah.”  Clarke nodded successively a few times with her eyes closed.

Lexa pressed her lips on the blonde’s mouth before entering her, quieting the moan Clarke made. It was the first of many others for the night and Lexa knew, she knew that this night would never be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here the 15th chapter, hope you've enjoyed reading it.  
> I kind of miss posting the fic but exams are almost done so things should return to normal now.  
> I can't wait for your opinion about this chapter so don't hesitate to comment it! ;)
> 
> Ps: Merry Christmas to everyone :D


	16. Chapter 16

Clarke awoke from the previous night with her limbs sore after all the physical activities Lexa and her went through. She didn't think spending the night with Lexa would be that exhausting, especially knowing how much the girl wanted to do it slow at first. Clarke smiled to herself before yawning quietly, while moving closer to the brunette. Lexa was sleeping peacefully, the ups and downs of her body moving in a regular rhythm. Clarke stroked the girl’s face slowly and snuggled against her. She kissed the brunette’s face three times, making Lexa move in her sleep.

“Come on babe.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s ear and the side of her face.

Lexa yawned slowly. She grabbed Clarke’s body and nestled her face on the blonde’s chest. As she was putting her face on the girl’s cleavage, the brunette started to smile intently in her slumber.

“You’re such a baby.” Clarke said while chuckling.

She knew how much Lexa loved her boobs, but seeing that it could bring a smile on the brunette’s face even when she was asleep made Clarke smile even more. She stroked the brunette’s scalp slowly and put a kiss on her forehead.

“You have to wake up though.”

Lexa furrowed her brows in her sleep and nestled her head even more in Clarke’s cleavage.

“I don’t want to go.” she grumbled in a semi-sleep, causing Clarke to chuckle lightly. “I’m too tired.” She continued, exhaling slowly into Clarke’s neck.

“Maybe I should wake you up then.” Clarke stated with a huge smirk on her face.

She started to tickle Lexa’s ribs, causing the brunette to open her eyes widely and to wiggle her body like a furious worm. “Pleeeeeease Clarke stop!”

Clarke’s face lit up at Lexa’s reaction. “Are you begging, Lexa Woods?” she asked, still tickling the girl in her bed.

“Yes, I am!” Lexa couldn’t stop laughing and rolling on the bed. “Please let me sleep!” she added in a breath.

This seemed to please Clarke, because she stopped the ministration with a devilish look on the face. “Okay I'll stop.” she said, looking at Lexa. “But I have other projects for you Miss Woods.” Clarke stated, biting her own lips and letting her eyes travel all over her best friend’s body. The combination of Clarke's sultry voice and her gaze raking all over her body made Lexa shiver. Clarke kissed her on the lips and stroked her naked body with her hands, slowly scratching the skin she found. Lexa was enjoying the contact on her body before she saw the blonde slowly getting down under the cover. Clarke left some kisses on the brunette’s abs, lingering a bit more on the area. Clarke made her way to the brunette’s core and started focusing on Lexa’s thighs. She kissed the skin there, nipping at the soft but strong limb carefully. After a few seconds, she changed area and moved toward Lexa’s pussy. She licked it once, moving her tongue all over the surface to collect the wetness there. She tentatively pressed her tongue against Lexa’s opening, enjoying the view of the brunette moaning and tensing with anticipation. Clarke smirked at the effect she had on the girl. She wanted to tease her more, to make the time last much longer, but she couldn’t help moving back up to Lexa’s clit.

She'd never felt that way with someone, like she could spend her whole life just enjoying pleasuring somebody. She was living for Lexa’s sighs, her moans, the way her face contorted when she rubbed her clit with her tongue, and the soft noises the girl would make to encourage her to continue. She took Lexa’s clit in her mouth, licking it and sucking it hungrily. Lexa couldn’t help moaning, and her body contorted at the pleasure Clarke was bringing to her. She put her hand on the back of the blonde’s head and pressed her face on her pussy. Clarke just loved that, it felt so intimate and loving for her. She could feel Lexa’s heart beating in unison with her own. She felt as if she was the one that was receiving the attention she didn’t know she was craving.

They just started their relationship and she was already addicted to Lexa like she'd never been before. She didn’t know why it took her so much time to realize how strong her feelings for the brunette were. She wanted to spend moments like this with Lexa forever, and this only thought filled her heart with warm.

When Lexa’s orgasm tapered off, she lapped at her pussy, collecting all the moisture she could before making her way out of under the covers.

“Wow.” Lexa said, clearly exhausted. “It was wow.” she added, more for herself than for Clarke to hear. But it didn’t prevent Clarke to have a huge proud smile plastered on her face when she kissed her best friend and girlfriend.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Lexa sighed softly and extended her arm to bring Clarke even closer to her. “It’s easily in my top five." She put her head on the blonde’s chest and closed her eyes, lulled by Clarke’s heartbeat. On the other hand, Clarke was laid on her back, her eyes opened widely. Her brain was working at a fast pace.

“Lexa?”

The brunette replied by humming. She was clearly at the fringe of falling asleep again.

“What do you mean by your top five?”

Lexa opened her eyes. “Seriously, are you being jealous?” she mumbled in the blonde’s skin.

“No, I’m not, I just don't understand what you mean by that, that’s all.”

Lexa sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to be jealous, _you_ are the other four times in my top.”

“Oh.” Clarke couldn’t stop the huge grin that appeared on her face at Lexa’s words. “We still have to go in class though.” she added nonetheless.

“We could go this afternoon… How is it possible that a lazy ass like you is so willing to go to class?” Lexa whined, wrapping herself even more in the covers.

“You can’t blame me for being eager to show the world I’m dating Lexa Woods.” The blonde replied with a loving smile.

“About that Clarke.”

Clarke tensed at Lexa’s tone “What?”

“Calm down there’s nothing to worry about.” The blonde relaxed a bit, but she was still nervous about what her girlfriend was going to tell her.

“I would like that we keep our relationship for us.” Lexa said carefully. “For now of course.” she added, quickly noticing Clarke’s disappointment. “It’s just that it’s the beginning, and I'd like to enjoy what we have without being observed and judged by whole university and our friends.”

Clarke furrowed her brows. She could feel a bitter taste in her mouth. She started to move in the bed, pushing Lexa so that she could put some space between them. “Okay I understand.”

“Are you disappointed?”

“Seriously?” Clarke left the silence fill the room before speaking again. “Yeah of course I am, I mean we've lost so much time before being together, now all I want is to spend time with you and spread my love for you in everybody’s face. Because this is how I am Lex, and you know that. I’m not an actor, I can’t act like I’m not completely happy and in love with you, because it’s not the reality and it’s impossible to hide.”

Clarke’s words made Lexa rise from the cocoon she'd made with the covers. “I know that Clarke, but listen, I’m not asking you to play something. I just want us to be discreet for now. I want to fully enjoy the time I spend with you, without fearing people’s reaction. I’m not saying that I don’t want us to be official or something, I just want us to act discretely before formalizing things between us.”

Clarke stayed silent for a few minutes, looking at her hands and playing with her fingers to avoid looking at Lexa. “I know that I can sound stupid, but I thought we were on the same page, which is why I feel that way… but I respect your choice.”

Lexa sighed. She approached her best friend wisely and stroked her shoulder blades with the palm of her hand. “Clarke, don’t take it like that. I’m not rejecting you or something. What I’m trying to say is that it’s the beginning of our relationship, a new relationship. We certainly know each other, but not in that way. And I want to learn knowing you, not Clarke my neighbor, not my childhood friend, not my best friend, but my girlfriend Clarke who makes my heart stop and my breath catch in my throat each time she looks at me.” She kissed Clarke’s back, then her neck.

“It’s just the beginning, and I feel like it has to belong to us before being spread to the world.”

Clarke turned over, now facing Lexa. A small smile made its way on her lips. “You know how to talk to a woman, Woods.”

The statement made the brunette chuckle softly. “I told you I had some games.” Her smile fell a bit and she looked at Clarke expectantly, before adding: “So?”

“I’ll do my best not to be too transparent, but how are we going to deal with you?” Clarke asked, with worry in her voice.

“What is it about me?” Lexa furrowed her brows.

“Come on babe, you can say whatever you want, but the heart eyes you’re giving me will sell us in less than two minutes.”

“I’m not looking at you with heart eyes!”

“Of course you’re not!” Clarke replied ironically.

“No I’m not!”

“We both know that you’re an open book for me.” Clarke stated with a smirk on her face.

“I’ve been in love with you all this time and you hadn't noticed before.” Lexa replied sharply.

“Touché.” Clarke moved to grab Lexa’s face between her hands. “I love you dummy, and I swear I’ll make it up to you.”

“M’okay, I love you too.”

“You’re so cute” Clarke gave her best friend a quick peck.

“Yeah but only for you.” Lexa’s answer was sheepish, which made Clarke’s heart melt. She looked at Lexa’s green eyes, which were sparkling with a mix of love and shyness. Clarke could feel thousands of butterflies flying in her stomach.  

“Only for me.” she whispered, before kissing Lexa’s lips slowly.

“You know, you shouldn’t do that if you want us to go to class today.”

“Well there will still have class this afternoon.”

Lexa raised her brow. “I like how you think.”

***

“Are you ready?” Clarke asked, looking at Lexa’s side.

They were going to enter the cafeteria, both thinking they had to make an appearance at university before their friends realized something was on. Clarke was about to push the double door when Lexa stopped her.

“Maybe we should enter separately. I mean, they’ll think it’s odd if we come at the same time.”

“Why? We came together a lot in the past hours.”

“Oh please Clarke.” Lexa couldn’t help her cheeks tinting in pink at the memories of their previous activities. “It’s exactly why we shouldn’t go in at the same time.”

“Lex, don’t be overdramatic.” She put a strand of the brunette’s hair behind her ear. “We’re going to enter together because this is what we do. We’re best friends before being lovers, remember?”

Lexa nodded slowly.

“They won’t think this is odd because it’s not.” She added before opening the cafeteria door and holding it for Lexa. “So stop thinking everything is going to sell us and get your pretty ass inside.”

The comment made Lexa blush, and the brunette smiled sheepishly.

“You know you shouldn’t look at me like that if you don’t want people to know about us, right?”

“Oh shut up, Clarke.” she shoved the blonde on the shoulder.

As they were entering, Raven came from nowhere and put her arms around the two best friends.

“What’s up you two love birds? Did you make up in bed?”

Clarke face-palmed while Lexa opened her eyes widely, as if they were trying to escape from her face.

“Please Ray don’t…”

“Did Clarke make this thing she does with her tongue?”

“What thing?” Lexa asked, slightly uncomfortable, but enjoying too much to see Clarke like this.

“Oh God shut up Ray!”

“You know this strange pattern that looks like an eight.”

Lexa was now blushing furiously, Clarke tried to stop Raven from talking by putting her hand on the brunette’s mouth. The three of them were standing in the cafeteria, Clarke struggling against Raven while Lexa was fighting the laugh from escaping her mouth.

“Lex help me instead of laughing!”

“I’m not laughing!”

“Of course you’re not.” Clarke replied, rolling her eyes.

Their little group of friends seemed to see the battle from their table. They were all coming to see what was happening between the brunette and the blonde.

“She’s trying to remember what you did to her!” Raven exclaimed, laughing in Clarke’s hand, putting some saliva on it. Clarke couldn’t help being disgusted by the brunette’s demeanor and the unpleasant sensation she had in her hand.

“What? No! I’m not! Clarke silence her for God’s sake!” Lexa was now blushing furiously, her cheeks a deep red, as if they were fuming from embarrassment.

Clarke was making Raven bend in front of her but stopped abruptly at Lexa’s words. She raised her head, making eye contact with her best friend, and couldn’t help looking at her  “What do you think I’m trying to do right now?”

 Lexa didn’t have time to respond, as Octavia came beside her and interrupted the battle with a huge grin plastered on her face.

“Soooooo what’s up guys?”

“Not now O.” Clarke said, tightening her grip on the brunette’s belly.

“Seriously?” Raven asked, her body still bending in front of Clarke.

Octavia’s grin disappeared and she raised one of her brows. She seemed to think about something before her smile appeared again. “It’s okay girls, you can stop playing. I already know you’re complotting for my birthday’s party!”

The three of them stopped moving and breathing for a whole second before Clarke raised her head slowly toward the joyful brunette. She let go of Raven and tried to act as casually as possible.

“Yeah we were talking about that, but we couldn’t agree on something, right Ray?” Clarke nudged her friend in the ribs, causing the brunette to hiss in pain. She stifled any noise though, not wanting the brunette to understand something.

“Yeah, your birthday’s party, how could we talk about something else?” she added, trying to act casually while looking expectantly at Lexa.

Lexa being Lexa, the brunette only shrugged a stern answer to Raven’s statement. “Of course.”

Octavia squealed in excitement, jumping twice on the spot. “I’m soooooooo excited about it! What are you going to offer me?” She was looking expectantly at the three girls, alternating the eye contact with each of them. As Clarke was about to answer, she raised her hands. “Don’t tell me I don’t want to know!” she exclaimed with an excited smile plastered on her face.

The three friends looked at each other, despair screaming in their eyes.  

“Unless it’s… No don’t tell me!” Octavia continued the discussion she was having more with herself than with them.

“We won’t tell you anything moron, so stop your rambling.” Raven stated, trying to look sure of herself and what she was doing.

“Yeah you’re right.” Octavia stayed in silence for a few minutes, her brows knitted. She was looking as if she wanted to say something, but didn’t know how to say it out loud. She seemed to find a way though, as she eventually started talking again.

“Girls, no offense for what I’m going to say, but I don’t want any troubles at my party. If you could keep your problems with your exs and stuff for after my birthday it would be great; because I’d like my birthday not being ruined by one of your exs coming from nowhere.” She made a pause. “Especially yours” she added, looking between Raven and Clarke. The message was clear, they’ll have to prevent Finn from coming to the party. It wasn’t that the guy was still invited, but he always found a way to invite himself without the friends’ consent. Thus, Clarke and Raven found themselves fighting because of him more than once after the break up and everything they went through.

“Don’t worry O, I’ll take care of it!” Raven exclaimed with a proud smile.

“I don’t know how I should feel about that.”

After that, the group of friends ate as usually. Raven made some sassy comments, but Anya was there to change the subject and above all hitting the brunette when she was being too snarky. At the end of the lunch, the two best friends were already exhausted and Lexa couldn’t help feeling that hiding their relationship wasn’t the best idea she'd come up with. The day passed smoothly though, and at the end Lexa was really happy to crawl in her girlfriend’s arms.

The first week went smoothly, nobody really paying attention to them. All of Lexa’s doubts were slowly removing from her chest, and she found herself gradually enjoying being in a secret relationship with Clarke. The two of them were closer than ever, and they would take advantage of their friends’ ignorance to sneak out every time they could to kiss and do not so G-rated things. Lexa really enjoyed the fact that they both knew something the others ignored. Besides, she felt like this secret was adding more complicity between her and Clarke, and she couldn’t be happier, especially after everything the two of them had gone through. They needed this. It was a way to reconnect with the past and in the same time to create a new present with discoveries and love. 

“Lexa, are you even listening?” Octavia asked, sighing at Lexa’s lack of interest in the discussion. For Lexa’s defense, the topic was the same that it had been since she and Clarke became a couple: Octavia’s birthday party.

“Anyway, Lincoln and I booked a room in a bar near campus. There’ll be up to 30 persons, including all of us...”

Anything that was being said was dulled in Lexa’s ears, because she just had made eye contact with Clarke. The blonde was smiling sheepishly at the brunette, tenderness in her gaze. She made a slight movement with her head, indicating to her best friend that she wanted them to move away. Lexa nodded carefully, eyeing their friends, who weren’t paying any attention to them. She saw Clarke rising from her place on the ground, and she felt fire in her stomach at the thought of being close to her. It had been like this for the whole week. She was surprised her body wasn’t used to the image of Clarke proposing her to eclipse from their friends’ reunion.

“So guys, we have to head home.” Clarke stated while removing dirt from her ass.

“What? But we haven't finished to plan the party!” Octavia whined pitifully.

“I know but we have to go, we have a lot of work to do and we haven't bought you any gift yet.”

At the mention of the gift, Octavia’s face lit up instantly. “Okay, see you guys!”

“See you!” Lexa replied while moving toward Clarke.

The two best friends and secret lovers walked casually on the grass, waiting to pass the sciences building before moving closer to each other. When they arrived in their dorm building, Lexa pinned Clarke against the stairs wall and pressed heat kisses all over the blonde’s neck. The blonde exhaled at the brunette kisses’ rhythm, her body standing unsteadily against the wall.

“Lex stop. We can’t.”

“Why?” Lexa whined, making a puppy face to the blonde.

“Because we have to be discreet, remember?” Clarke made a lopsided smile and took the brunette’s hand in hers before guiding her toward their dorm. The two best friends took the stairs two by two and stumbled in the corridor of their floor. Clarke opened the door quickly and pushed Lexa in the room with a hungry look.

“I’m going to show you how much I missed you today.” she growled while closing the door.

Lexa visibly gulped her saliva, and her insides clenched in anticipation. Clarke Griffin was definitely the end of her.

***

It was Octavia’s birthday. Lexa and Clarke were on their way to the bar Lincoln and her had booked for the party. They were late because Lexa couldn’t find the force in herself to let Clarke leave their dorm when she was in that sexy outfit she had chosen to wear. Even when they were running -well more walking quickly because of their heels- Lexa was still thinking about how Clarke was hot and how turned on she was just by thinking about the blonde. Her goofy smile seemed to sell her thoughts, as Clarke chuckled while looking at her and shoved her on the shoulder.

They made it to the bar quite in time. Not everyone had arrived yet so they didn’t look like terrible friends. Once they'd greeted everybody, Clarke immediately took on herself the responsibility of making Lexa’s life a living hell. The music was blasting in the room, making everything shake with the bass. The blonde moved on the dance floor and started swaying her hips in rhythm, purposely looking at Lexa with devious eyes. She wasn’t the only one that was on the dance floor, but all Lexa could see was Clarke. _Her_ Clarke, who was dancing for _her_ , looking at _her_ , seducing _her_ as if there was nobody in the room. As if there was nobody between her soul and Lexa's.

Clarke took a sip from her drink, the cold beverage gliding in her throat and burning it. Her cheeks were flushed with a cool pink. She left a drop of alcohol slowly wet her lips, making them look even redder. Lexa gulped her saliva hardly, feeling incredibly turned on by the minute. Her gaze was raking over Clarke’s body hungrily, and God how she wanted to touch the girl. She wasn’t going to make it through the night if Clarke kept doing things like that to her.

The blonde was ready to put down her last card, her sexy blue gaze ready to burn Lexa’s brain. But as she was going to level her gaze with Lexa’s, she felt cold run through her body. She turned herself and felt her left foot slid on the ground. She didn’t have time to react though, because Lexa was already there, holding her tightly in her arms.

The ridicule of the situation made Lexa laugh loudly. She looked at her best friend fondly while chuckling, making the blonde laugh too. Lexa didn’t know she could fall even stronger for Clarke, but here she was, chuckling at the blonde’s antic. They laughed together some time before Lexa helped Clarke coming back on her feet. The brunette craved to put her lips on the blonde's ones. She wanted to stroke the blonde’s cheeks and to press their bodies together. She wanted to feel Clarke, to possess her again, but she didn’t make a move though. She released her softly before heading to the restroom to compose herself.

She was approaching the restroom when she felt a strong grip on her arm. She didn’t have time to react and was already pushed against the corridor’s wall. Her head collided with the surface, making her hiss in pain and close her eyes at the sudden impact. She could hear her blood beating in her head as if it was going to implode in the near seconds.

“How dare you?” a low angry voice roared in her ear.

The words got her out of her haze. She opened her eyes and met dark brown ones which were piercing her soul.

“I thought you were my friend!”

The strong grip on her arm tightened. These eyes were burning with rage and a strange madness that Lexa couldn’t explain. A bead of sweat was running next to the scary eyes. Lexa’s gaze followed the drop, which passed by freckles before reaching a clenched jaw.

“You’re a fucking bitch.” The voice growled with venom.

Lexa felt herself being pushed against the wall again. She didn’t know why everything seemed to be in slow motion. She couldn’t find enough strength to push her assailant away from her, and in the same time she knew she didn’t have the energy to do anything. She looked at the attacker with pleading green eyes and said the only words she had to say to try to calm the beast in front of her.

“Bellamy, please stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo here the next chapter, I know it took me a lot of time but the lack of inspiration and time made writing this fic really hard for me. I hope you understand and that you're not disappointed by the update! :)


	17. Chapter 17

_Clarke was pacing in the room, her gaze focused on her phone that was laying on her bed. It was as if the device was calling for her. Its color was brighter than ever. Even the natural light was reflected by it, making it even more difficult for her to ignore the small voice that was whispering in her head. Clarke walked toward her bed, hypnotized by the object, and as she was going to reach it, the spell broke and she stopped dead in her track. What was she doing? Lexa asked them to keep their relationship to themselves, and all she wanted to do was to scream their love to her parents._

_Why couldn’t she respect Lexa’s desire? She looked at the ceiling and closed her eyes. She tried not to think about it, but the desire that was burning inside of her was too strong. She wanted to shove her love in everybody’s face, but she didn’t do it, for Lexa. Thing is, it wasn’t the same desire. It was more an envy to share her happiness with her parents. Parents that knew Lexa and saw them grow up together. She was overly excited to show them how much their relationship had evolved in the past few weeks._

_Maybe Lexa wouldn’t blame you._

_A small smile made its way to the blonde’s lips, but she quickly erased it with the thought of betraying her best friend and girlfriend. It wasn’t fair for the brunette and she knew that. But was it fair for her? She had kept the secret for Lexa for almost two weeks now. She deserved to talk about their relationship, to her parents at least. She started counting the pros and cons in her head. Lexa would be disappointed, but her parents would be so glad to know that she was truly happy. That_ they _were truly happy. Plus it wasn’t as if she was going to tell to people at the university, it was just her parents. Her parents that knew her better than she knew herself. Her parents that loved Lexa almost as much as they loved their own daughter. Her parents that meant the world to her and that would be so surprised by her announcement. Because they surely would be astonished at first, but they would certainly be joyful when they would hear how much Lexa made her happy. These last thoughts seemed to work out, because the next second she was composing her parents' number. The phone only beeped twice before someone picked up, cursing in the process._

_“Hello?”_

_“Mom, it’s Clarke.” she stated in a sigh. Her mother always had a problem with electronic devices. For a long time, she thought she was doing it on purpose to highlight her father’s knowledge, but now she knew her mother was just completely lost when something with a screen was beeping._

_“Oh hi sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Abby’s voice was lighter now that she knew who was on the phone._

_“Nothing, mom.” She shrugged._

_“Why are you calling then? You know I’m working Clarke, I was going to take a nap before heading to the hospital for a night shift.” Abby’s exasperated tone made it clear for Clarke that her mother wasn’t going to leave her a chance to backtrack._

_“I know.” Clarke rolled her eyes so hard they almost slipped out of her head._

_“Well why are you calling? Did something happen to Lexa?”_

_She could hear her father’s quick steps into the phone and his loud voice raising in the device._

_“Something happened to Lexa?”_

_“I don’t know Jake.” Her mother answered to her husband with worry in her voice._

_“No, nothing happened to Lexa.”_

_She heard them sighing in relief, then her father talked again._

_“Clarke, is there something wrong?”_

_“No dad, actually everything's perfect.”_

_A small smile made its way on her lips at the thought of the huge revelation she was about to give._

_“I’m happy to hear that sweetheart, but if nothing is wrong what was the reason of your call?”_

_“For God’s sake, I can call you without having something horrendous to say!” she exclaimed, losing patience quite a bit._

_Her father chuckled in the receiver._

_“Of course you can.”_

_“Good. I've to tell both of you something though.”_

_“We’re all ears.” Her dad stated._

_“Can you hurry up though, I've to sleep?” Abby added, clearly losing patience._

_“Abby.” she heard her father warn. “Go ahead darling.”_

_She took a deep breath before starting to talk again._

_“You noticed something was weird between Lexa and I during the holiday.”_

_“God, I've to take a seat.”_

_“Mooooooom.”_

_“Your mother's right Clarkey, I think we all need to sit.”_

_Clarke waited for a moment, hearing shuffling on the other end on the line._

_“Now everybody's sat, may I talk?”_

_“Of course sweetie.” Abby replied in the warmest way she could at the moment._

_“You know how much Lexa and I love each other?”_

_“Yeah we both know that Clarke. Please don’t tell me I'm going to lose my soccer buddy because of a stupid argument you had with your best friend.” Jake was quickly to state._

_“You’re not, dad. I just wanna tell you that Lexa and I…” she took a deep breath. “are together now.”_

_For a few seconds, there wasn’t any sound in the other side of the line. Clarke stayed silent, waiting for her parents to catch up, because their silent could only happen because they hadn’t realized what she was saying right?_

_“Are you kidding me, Clarke?”_

_“It’s the best news you could tell us! We’re so happy for you!” Jack exclaimed “We've to throw a party or something!” he added “You heard that Abby? My two lovely girls finally together!”_

_“But you can’t tell…”_

_She heard the keys before anything else. Her heart jumped in her chest and she felt worry rising in her stomach._

_“I've to go, bye.” she whispered to her parents._

_She threw her phone in the direction of their bed quickly and took a deep breath. Then, she wiped her sweaty hands on her jeans and turned over to be met by green eyes shining in the sunlight._

_“Hey babe.” She tried to say casually though she couldn’t help the goofy smile appearing on her lips at the sight of Lexa._

_“Hey. What’s up?” Lexa replied with a small smile._

_“I missed you today.” Clarke stated, pulling Lexa toward her._

_They hugged tightly before Lexa said something in her ear._

_“I know how much it costs you to keep our relationship secret. I want you to know how much I’m grateful for your patience with me.”_

_She removed herself from the blonde’s neck and looked at her fondly._

_“Oh that’s okay babe.”_

_Clarke was starting to feel uncomfortable. She knew she shouldn’t have done this to the brunette, but she couldn’t help herself. She was already feeling bad for it, but Lexa talked again._

_“No it’s not. Thanks Clarke, really.”_

_“I…”_

_She didn’t know what to say, because she had just betrayed her girlfriend’s trust, whereas the girl was thanking her for following her wants._

_“You’re the best person I've ever met and I’m still wondering how’s that possible that I’ve been so lucky to have you in my life.” Lexa added, caressing her face slowly._

_Suddenly, a huge doubt made its way in Clarke’s head. She narrowed her eyes and stared at sparkling eyes._

_“You know?”_

_Lexa tightened her hold on Clarke and tilted her head on the side._

_“I don’t know Clarke? What should I know?”_

_Clarke released a big sigh._

_“Of course you know.” She huffed and added: “How?”_

_“I heard your big voice and your squeals from the hall.” The brunette replied with a smirk._

_“Eh I don’t have a big voice!” Clarke slapped Lexa’s arm playfully._

_“Yeah, say that to my poor eardrum you broke twice since the beginning of the year!”_

_“My big voice wasn’t bothering you when it was screaming my pleasure in your ears.”_

_Lexa’s ears tinted in a shade of pink, and the brunette started to blush uncontrollably. Clarke couldn’t help kissing the brunette’s lips before bumping her nose with Lexas. They looked at each other quietly, their eyes saying things that their hearts were craving to say to one another. Feelings that words couldn’t communicate fully. The two girls were taking the time to appreciate each other’s presence, their foreheads touching and their souls tangling slowly._

_Clarke’s phone started to ring with the special sound the blonde had chosen for her parents, breaking their moment. Clarke huffed and tried to keep Lexa in her embrace while the brunette wanted to reach for the device._

_“Come on Clarke, I've to talk to my parents-in-law.” The brunette said with a grin._

_These words made her girlfriend release her, looking at her fondly while she watched her answering the call._

 

***

Lexa felt her body being slammed even rougher than before. Bellamy’s piercing eyes where burning holes in hers. She could feel her brain beating in her skull, her blood pulsing and vibrating through her veins. Bellamy was shoving her against the wall, and all Lexa could do was watching as she was completely dazed. She could hear him swearing profanities about her, about Clarke and about him being a foul. At a moment she started to hear Clarke’s laugh. The sound made her smile. She didn’t know for sure, but if you would ask her, she would say it was among her favorite things Clarke did. Behind kissing her and telling her that she loved her of course.

She saw Bellamy’s fist before it hit strongly her nose, making a crack noise echoing in the hall. What surprised her the most was that she didn’t feel an immeasurable pain. To be honest, she didn’t feel anything. The idea of her being a super woman and having powers made her way through her head, and Lexa started to smile dumbly. It seemed to irritate him a lot, because he shoved her in the wall again and strangled her with his hands full of blood. At first she didn’t realize it was hers, it was only when her vision started to blur because of the blood running on her jaws and coming to cover her eyes that she understood things weren’t turning good for her.

She didn’t know if it was because of the blood’s loss or because of the wall, but she felt her spirit drifting through somewhere else. When she was a teenage girl and John Murphy would push her in the school’s hall, telling her she was going to burn in hell for loving girls. Telling her that she was a freak while hitting her repeatedly in the guts. These memories brought a wave of anger in her chest, and tears started to form in her eyes. However, these feelings erased quickly when blonde hair moving in the wind appeared in her brain. She could see the prettiest human she'd ever seen on the Earth. She had the bluest sparkling eyes and a sexy shy smile to die for. She didn’t know if it was because of the haze provoked by her current state, but she could feel sweet hands moving on her jaws and hear whispered words of reassurance. Clarke was the only person that saw her in these states of vulnerability. She was the only one, and it would stay the same for Lexa. She wouldn’t let some beast attack her and hurt her like before.

Lexa clenched her jaw hard, she wouldn’t let herself being weak, not this time, not when she could finally be happy with Clarke. She opened her eyes widely. Bellamy could sense it too, as he looked astonished for a second before regaining his composure. She grabbed his hands with hers, planting her nails in it, and tried to push them from the strong grip they were exerting on her neck. Bellamy winced at the contact and released his grip for a second. It was the second Lexa needed to nut him hard. The blow made him stumble back with a nose full of blood. Lexa didn’t leave him time to recover and she punched him hard in the arcade. The attack made him hit the opposite wall with a thud.

Lexa was panting heavily in the middle of the corridor, clenching and unclenching her fists. Usually she had more control on her reaction, she would always tell Clarke in a kind of beatitude that she needed to relax and think before doing something. But Bellamy broke her last fiber of self-control because he came from nowhere and tried to strangle her without even trying to speak with her. He stared at her with a dark look for a full minute, before jumping from his place and projecting his closed fist toward her face. The brunette dodged the punch and riposted by hitting his stomach with her knee. Bellamy cried out in pain and Lexa pushed him, making him lose his balance and falling on the ground. She was beyond ready for his next move, feeling like she had all the strength in the world. Her vision wasn’t hazed anymore, she could still feel her brain beating in her skull but it was matching the flux of adrenaline that was pulsing in her veins.

She gave him a deadly stare while he was rising from the ground, ready to explode when a yell took both their attention.

“LEXA!”

Clarke rushed toward the brunette, worry plastered on her face. Lexa saw their group of friends behind the blonde, but all she could focus on was her best friend. Clarke took Lexa’s face in her hands, studying each bit of it with caution. Lexa could see the worry raising in the blonde’s eyes with each passing second. When she finished her inspection, she looked up at the brunette’s eyes to be met with sad gaze. Lexa was sorry for making Clarke worry about her, she felt sorry about the way the blue eyes she loved so much were bearing fear and anger, but more of that she felt sorry for ruining Octavia’s birthday party with a fight.

“What happened?!” Clarke asked, her voice cracking slightly when her gaze followed the strain of a drop of dry blood that was hanging just above her girlfriend’s pulp lips.

Lexa didn’t answer, instead she just took a look at Bellamy who was standing behind Clarke. He seemed petrified by the girl’s arrival and didn’t speak, even when Clarke turned over and stared at him. They stayed in silence for a minute or two. Lexa was glancing between them and from time to time she would cast a glance toward their group of friends, who were doing the same things. Everybody was waiting for Clarke to do something, anything.

Lexa didn’t know why, she didn’t see the difference in the boy’s behavior maybe because she never dated Bellamy, but she sensed the exact moment when Clarke took a decision. The blonde saw a flash of guilt appearing in the boy’s eyes, guilt that she recognized too well. After that, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Clarke’s hand raising from her side, the same hand traveling in the air and crashing in Bellamy’s jaw with a lash noise, and Bellamy’s face moving on the side with a look of pain.   

Everybody stood in silence, all mouths agape, except for Clarke and Bellamy. The blonde still had her hand in the air, and was watching Bellamy with furrowed brows while the boy was looking at his own feet with his hand on his red jaw. The only noises came from the music that was bumping loudly in the bar. Clarke lowered her hand on her side, and suddenly they all started to move again, as if Clarke’s hand restarted an invisible clock. Clarke came back to Lexa, looking at her again, saying she was sorry to the brunette before kissing her lips slowly, while Octavia moved to check on her brother, who still had his head lowered. She whispered things to him, caressing his hair, and looked back at Clarke and Lexa with fury.

“Why did you hit him?!” she screamed toward the two best friends.

“Oh come on O! You know he started whatever it was! He deserved it!” Clarke replied sharply. She didn’t like the way Octavia was talking to them, especially when she knew that the brunette was more than aware that Lexa wouldn’t hit Bellamy if he hadn’t started anything.

“I don’t care what you think Clarke! I’m not talking to you, it's her I’m talking to!” she pointed at Lexa angrily.

Lexa was taken aback by the little brunette’s anger and grief, when all she did was to defend herself against Bellamy’s attack. 

“I didn-”

Octavia cut her. “Look what you've done to him!” she was now pointing at Bellamy, who was looking at Clarke with puppy eyes.

Raven tried to grab her friend’s arm. “Calm down O.” However, Octavia was too far gone in her rage to be brought to her senses. She moved forward, trying to reach Lexa but Clarke put herself between them, protecting her girlfriend. She placed her hand behind her back, making a sign to Lexa not to move.

“We’re not talking to you.”

“Move.”

“No.”

“I said move.”

“You can ask me to move all night long, I won’t do it. So either you stop and you make your way somewhere else, or you try to fight me and I’ll show you that I’m not the person you wanna mess with.”

Lexa had never seen Clarke like this, she had never seen her that angry. Even Bellamy was looking at her with wide eyes. This situation was completely out of control, and whatever Lexa was expecting for the night, she didn’t expect it to end like this. Especially with blood and arguments between Clarke and her against the Blake siblings.   

Octavia and Clarke looked at each other for a while. The little brunette studying the blonde’s eyes, clearly looking for a brink but not seeing any. At a certain point, Lincoln came slowly behind his girlfriend and wrapped his arms around her. Octavia let him, and the imposing guy turned them over so Octavia wasn’t facing Clarke anymore. He whispered things to her ear, making the brunette whimper.

Clarke chose this moment to take Lexa’s hand in hers and to walk her out of the corridor, away from the others. When they passed by the couple, Lexa saw Bellamy looking at them with sadness in his gaze. She didn’t think much about it though, after all it was all his fault and not hers. She hadn’t done anything wrong by dating her best friend, and she certainly hadn’t wasted Octavia’s birthday party with stupid jealousy. They walked into the bar, the heat of all the people dancing and drinking submerging Lexa, and she couldn’t help walking faster to escape from this devilish place.

When they reached the outside, fresh air hit the two girls hard. Clarke released the brunette’s hand, leaving her a moment to compose herself. They breathed in the night’s cold air, not moving from their spot, just trying to relax after the events of the night. The mix of adrenaline, anger and fear slowly lowered in Lexa’s body, making the brunette start to feel all the pain from Bellamy’s assault. Clarke seemed to notice, as she slowly made her way in front of Lexa.

“I’m going to take care of you.” She pecked Lexa’s bruised lips and laced their hands together.  They made their way to their dorm, their heels echoing in the silence of the night. Clarke helped Lexa climbing the stairs, and when they arrived in front of their door, the blonde opened it without stopping, looking at Lexa with worry. She moved herself to let Lexa enter first and closed the door behind them. Lexa wanted to remove her heels but she lost her balance and stumbled against the wall instead. Clarke grabbed her hand and sat her on the bed. The blonde kneeled in front of her and removed the heels. She stayed in this position in front of Lexa and kissed one of the brunette’s knees carefully.

“Are you okay?”

Lexa only nodded. She knew that if she started talking, she would take the risk to have her voice cracking, and she didn’t want to appear weak in front of Clarke. Not now. Clarke sighed deeply and raised from her position to go to the bathroom. Lexa took this opportunity to try to put herself together. She looked at her shaking hands, and clenched them quickly when she heard Clarke coming back a few seconds later with a wet towel. The blonde took her previous position back, took Lexa’s chin in her hand and moved the brunette’s face on the side to get a complete look at her injuries. A flash of pain radiated in the blonde’s eyes, but none of them said anything about it. Clarke started to clean the wounds with the wet fabric, trying not to cause pain to her girlfriend.

“I’m sorry for what he did to you, Lex.” She continued wiping away the blood that remained on Lexa’s face. “I should have been there.”

Lexa was surprised by the blonde’s statement. “You did nothing wrong Clarke.” She answered sternly.

“He hit you because of me.” Clarke was looking at everything but Lexa. Remorse was filling her voice.

“No, he hit me because he was sad and jealous.”

“He was sad and jealous because of me.”

Lexa took Clarke’s hands in hers. “You didn’t do anything Clarke.”

“I know that I shouldn’t feel guilty but I…” she looked at Lexa’s bruise with sadness in the eyes. “I created this situation. I was with him before and…”

“He broke up with you. You didn’t cause the pain he’s suffering from now, he caused it on his own.” Lexa finished for her.

Clarke lowered her head. She couldn’t look at Lexa’s bruised eye. “You know that’s untrue. I was in love with you at the time, I just hadn't figured out my feelings.”

Lexa took her chin in her hand and raised her best friend’s head. “I know, but it was his choice to attack me, not yours. You didn’t do anything to push him to do that.”

Clarke only nodded and let herself being wrapped in a tight hug. They stayed like that for a while before Lexa released her and kissed her on her forehead.

“We need to sleep. We’ll feel better tomorrow.” Lexa whispered in the blonde’s ear. Clarke nodded and let herself being unclothed by Lexa. They fell asleep in each other’s arms in only matching underwear that were initially planned for a better night.

***

Lexa woke up the day after, wincing in pain at the way Clarke was holding her tightly in her sleep. Clarke was spooning her back, making her face their dorm wall as if she wanted to protect her from the outside world during her sleep. Lexa rubbed her eyes carefully before removing herself from the blonde grasp. She raised slowly from the bed and went to the bathroom. Clarke moved in her sleep, mumbling things in her pillow that Lexa couldn’t quite understand. She looked at herself in the mirror, her left eyes bruised and swollen, as for her upper lip that was porting a slight cut. Her nose was literally purple, and there was dry blood in her nostrils. Lexa didn’t like what she was seeing in the mirror. She watered her face carefully before coming back in the other room. Clarke was looking at her from the bed. She was on her side and Lexa could see exhaustion radiate from the blonde’s eyes.

“How do you feel?”

“I’m okay. And you?”

“I’m fine. Did you receive Raven’s text?” Clarke asked, following Lexa’s movements with her gaze.

“I don’t know, I haven't looked at my phone yet. What does she want?” she asked while sitting on the bed.

“She suggests we meet at the park for a picnic to make it up for Octavia.”

Lexa stopped moving and looked at her best friend once again. “How do you feel about it?”

Clarke rolled on her back and put her legs on Lexas. “I don’t know, Lex. I don't like the way she talked to you last night.”

Lexa sighed and caressed Clarke’s legs absently.

“I think we should go. She’s our friend after all, and I know that if I was in her shoes, and you were in Bellamys, I would've done the same. Because she loves him and she got his back no matter what.”

Clarke looked at Lexa with a small smile and love in the eyes.

“I love you too.”

The statement made Lexa smile too and the brunette lowered herself on Clarke to kiss her. The contact was reassuring and loving, so much that the two girls couldn’t help being carried away with it. They separated though when Lexa’s bruised nose couldn’t take it anymore, and the brunette removed herself from Clarke to make sure they’d be ready on time. 

When they were both ready, they left their dorm and headed to the park. The walk to the park was pretty quick, which made the two girls even more anxious about what they’d have to face. As they were entering the park, Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand before starting to remove it from her girlfriends, but Lexa didn’t let her. She looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, but Lexa stopped her.

“We won’t keep it to ourselves anymore.”

The statement made Clarke smile and the blonde couldn’t help herself from kissing her girlfriend. After that, they made their way toward their friends, who were all sitting on a blanket on the ground. All the gazes were on them when they reached the spot, but Octavia broke the awkwardness.

“I’m sorry for my behavior last night. I knew it was all Bellamy’s fault, but I was…he’s my brother and he was…” Octavia took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have talked to both of you like that, especially to you, Lexa. You did nothing wrong except from defending yourself against him and again, I’m deeply sorry.”

A lot of words stayed unsaid between them, but Clarke and Lexa could easily understand them behind Octavia’s gaze.

Clarke looked at Lexa who nodded before looking at Octavia again.

“We forgive you.”

Octavia cracked a huge smile and jumped on her feet to take them in an embrace. After that, they all sat and ate together, laughing and trying to forget what happened the night before. They were all in a better mood now, Raven and Jasper’s antics making it easier to forget. Giggles and laughs were filling the air, replacing the anger and the violence of the previous night.

“So Lexa, you and Clarke uh?”

Lexa looked at the boy who was wearing goggles with a death stare. “Shut up Jasper.”

“I knew the Commander was more of a cinnamon roll than what she wanted us to believe.” The boy continued with a huge smirk on his face.

“Take that back Jordan!”

“Or what? You’re going to kiss me to make me stop? I’m not afraid of you anymore.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He stuttered a bit.

At his words, Lexa raised herself from her spot, but Jasper was already far gone. He was running in the park, with Lexa chasing after him, screaming that she was going to kick his ass while he was blowing kisses in her direction. All the members of the group were laughing. Clarke looked amusedly at the exchange between the two of them, her gaze never leaving Lexa, which Octavia noticed, but the girl didn’t say anything. After a while, Clarke must had sensed Octavia’s gaze on her, as she looked at the little brunette, with whom she shared a knowing look before watching her girlfriend putting grass in Jasper’s mouth. Things would never change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay, as you may have guessed, it's difficult for me to find people to correct my works. I stopped asking my best friend because it was too much work for her and I asked another friend to do it. She's going to correct the next chapter (the last one of this fic) and the second part of my one shot. However, I plan to write other fic so if someone is willing to become my beta reader (essentially correcting my grammar, syntax and orthograhy's mistakes with a huge bonus: receiving the chapters before anyone else lol) please say it! You can contact me on my tumblr: ellascolorfulthoughts or in the comments section below!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, the last chapter of the fic. It almost took me a year to finish it so I can't help to be a bit emotional about it especially because it was my first time posting a fic and working on something that big in another language.   
> I want to thank all of you for your support on the fic and on my work in general, it means a lot to me. I liked writting this fic but seeing all your comments and kudos on it made it even better to write. I hope you'll enjoy the end and that you enjoyed reading the fic. :)
> 
> See you next time, maybe for another one, Ella

It had been almost six months since Lexa and Clarke’s relationship had evolved in a love relationship. They were close to the end of school year, so you could feel a wave of excitement in the air, especially for the two best friends that became lovers. Indeed, they were more than willing to spend the summer together, even more since they would finally have time only for themselves. In the past few months, they had realized how much their friends took place in their life and how much of cock-block they could be. They would always find themselves being interrupted in the middle of a heated session of kissing that was leading to something else, because their friends needed something or merely wanted to bother them. So when Lexa suggested Clarke spending the summer in another country, she jumped on the occasion.

It was settled then: they would spend two weeks in Spain before going back to the USA with their families for the rest of the summer. Clarke was ecstatic at the prospect to have time alone with her girlfriend; no interruption, no screams or quarrels between Raven and Octavia, just the two of them in a beautiful country. But before that, they had to spend the last days in the university to study for their exams, and Lexa had to train a lot for the last game of the season. Their soccer team had a great rank, knowing the majority of the team’s members were freshman, but it didn’t prevent them from wanting to finish the year on a high note.

“Clarke do you know where I put my glasses?” Lexa asked, moving the same pillow for the third time in a row.

Clarke walked toward her with a small grin. “I don’t know, maybe on your nose?”

The brunette touched her face carefully, felt the metallic item and rolled her eyes at her own obliviousness.

“Lex, don’t stress.” The blonde put her hands on her girlfriend’s shoulders. “It’s only English literature, it's not a big deal. Plus, we'll be done with our exams after this one!” she stated with a beaming smile.

“Say the girl that don’t have a game to win in two days.” The brunette replied, slightly pouting.

“Oh come on babe, you’ll do great. With all the stamina you have, it’ll be a piece of cake.” Clarke stated with a dopey smile.

Lexa grinned at the comment, knowing exactly the meaning behind Clarke’s words. “I could show you how high my stamina became since I work out almost every day.”

“Hum I know that.” Clarke replied, biting her bottom lip and letting her hand travel over her girlfriend’s stomach. The feeling of the sculpted abs contracting under her touch made the blonde shiver almost automatically.

The truth was that they hadn’t had sex for almost three weeks. Between the exams, Lexa’s training and their friends always interrupting them, the two girlfriends hadn’t found the right time to take the action to the next level.  They had tried to hide, but to no avail… Lexa’s coach always interrupted them when things started to heat up in the locker-room. The humiliation had been so big for the brunette that she wouldn't kiss Clarke in public for a whole week. So it had been a really long time now, and Clarke was starting to suffer from it, especially with Lexa coming back every day to their dorm sweating and panting after her practice. The temptation of touching her was becoming unbearable, and Clarke couldn’t wait so much longer. After all, she was only a teenager who needed to express her emotions and feelings by all means.

Lexa smiled at the gesture and moved forward, pressing her lips on the blondes. As usual, things heated up quickly between them. The soft kisses became more desperate, the hands that were slowly roaming over each other’s body started to grip firmly on the naked flesh. Their bloods pulsed in their veins, pushing them in a kind of dizzy haze where all they could see was each other’s too much dressed body. Only had they started to enjoy the moment when the door opened widely.

“What’s up bitcheees?!” Raven exclaimed, storming in their dorm with an equally excited Octavia on her heels.

The two girls jumped apart at the intrusion, not without looking desperately at each other before gazing at the intruders.

“We should have locked the fucking door.” Clarke whispered, grinding her teeth at the intrusion while throwing imaginary daggers to their friends with her eyes.

Usually, Clarke’s reaction would have made Lexa chuckle, but not this time. As she also missed sharing intimate moments with her girlfriend, she could only nod at the comment and insult the two girls in her head. It was in moments like this that Clarke regretted their decision to tell them about their relationship, and Lexa knew that all too well. So when Raven spoke again, she knew she would have to act as a mediator, otherwise the blonde could easily kick the two girls out of their dorm without a word.

“Are we interrupting something?” Raven asked with a huge smirk plastered on her face.

“Yes.” Clarke stated sternly.

“No.” Lexa said at the same time.

Their opposite answers made them look at each other, Lexa with a frown while Clarke had her brows raised.

“Ewww gross!” Octavia exclaimed, mimicking a child surprising their parents kissing. The brunette walked in their dorm, passed by the couple and sat on their shared bed while looking at them with the same disgusted face, which didn’t calm Clarke’s annoyance. Actually, it did pretty much the contrary.

“What do you want?” Clarke asked, clearly irritated by their two clingy friends.

“We can’t come to say hi to our friends, now?” the raven-haired girl asked with her hand on her heart, while faking being offended.

“Of course you can.” Lexa said quickly, cutting her girlfriend before she did something stupid like yelling a huge “no” and pushing their friends out.

“We wanted to de-stress before the last exam, so we thought it would've been a good idea to catch up with you two.” Octavia stated with a smile, beating the air with her legs like a child.

“Well as you see we've found our own way to de-stress, so go bother someone else!” Clarke exclaimed, surprising everybody in the room.

“Clarke.” Lexa whispered to her, putting her hand on the blonde’s shoulder.

“What?” Clarke turned her head to look into her girlfriend’s green eyes. “Oh no Lexa. I swear to God if you…” She cut herself already, knowing where the look on her best friend’s face was leading.

The two girlfriends stared at each other for a whole minute, debating with their eyes if whether or not they would push their friends out. Raven and Octavia alternated between looking at them and at each other. Octavia shook her hand near from her head, expressing how much she thought her friends were crazy. The gesture made Raven giggle dumbly, which annoyed Clarke even more, but Lexa’s calm look and presence were enough to convince her not to kill the girl on the spot.  

“Fine.” She said, crossing her arms on her chest. “What do you want to do?”

Raven and Octavia fist bumped and smiled widely to each other. “I don’t know, maybe we could talk or something.” Octavia suggested.

“So are you ready to see your parents on game’s day?”

Raven’s question made Lexa cringe internally. The perspective of seeing her parents and Clarkes was something she had been dreading for months now. She didn’t know how things were going to happen, especially because her parents didn’t talk to her about it, even though she knew Jake and Abby had told them about Lexa’s relationship with Clarke. She was afraid her parents didn’t accept the evolution of their relationship. After all, they didn’t really approve Costia because she was a distraction from her studies. So what if they didn’t approve her relationship with Clarke too? Clarke seemed to understand something was off with the brunette when she didn’t bother to answer to her friend, so she took her hand carefully and laced their fingers together, before squeezing the said hand in hers. The gesture stopped Lexa’s bad thoughts and brought her back to the present.

“Yes, we are.” stated Clarke with a nod toward their friends. “After all, I don’t know what could go wrong, right?” the blonde asked, looking expectantly at her best friend.

“Uh, yeah.” Lexa replied, looking at everything but her girlfriend, which didn’t get unnoticed by the three other girls in the room.

After that, the friends talked about the summer and about Clarke and Lexa’s trip to Spain. They laughed a lot, talking about Raven’s shyness about her new relationship with Anya and Octavia playing the married couple with her boyfriend Lincoln. Otherwise, the conversation drifted back quickly to Clarke and Lexa, giving the two girls had acted like a couple for almost their whole life. The conversation helped the four girls to breathe before their last exam, which they all passed without much difficulty.

***

Lexa turned over and over again in her bed. She couldn’t get to sleep, and she only had a few hours left before the last game of the season. She knew she should try to relax by thinking about happy moments or listening to music, but she couldn’t. All she could think about was Clarke’s family and hers coming to see her play. She was used to be watched by people, even her friends. It really wasn’t an issue for her, but it would be the first time since Clarke and her told their parents about the evolution in their relationship that she would see her parents. Even worse: Clarke's. Lexa could already see her parents’ behavior change with them, her father smirking every time she would look at Clarke, and her mother saying it wasn’t serious of her to be in a relationship. But the worst would be Clarke’s father. She wouldn't be able to look at the man in the eye without thinking about all the dirty things she had done to his daughter. Lexa moved on her back, hearing her girlfriend’s snores next to her, which didn’t lull her to sleep as usual. She looked at the blonde next to her. Her face was partially covered by her hair cascading on it, but Lexa could clearly see drool escaping from the girl’s mouth and falling over the pillow she was holding tightly against her chest. The vision made Lexa’s heart swell with love and care, but it still didn’t help her to sleep. Instead, she found herself even more awake, thinking about what the blonde’s parents would do, as if they could see her now and wanted to kill her on the spot.

Her body became rigid at the thought. What if Clarke’s parents weren’t as happy about their relationship as they thought? She knew they had taken the news well. When she called them, they had seemed to be more than happy for the two of them, but what if it was only an outward appearance? What if they didn’t like their daughter being in a relationship with a girl like Lexa? Or worse, what if they started to have a problem with the situation only when they saw their exchanges? All these questions and even more whirled in the brunette’s head, making it impossible for her to fall asleep.

“Lex.”

Lexa turned her head to be met with a Clarke in the same position than before, only now the girl seemed to be more alive. But since she didn’t open her eyes nor made a slight move, Lexa thought she had heard her in her imagination. She waited a second, looking at Clarke’s angelic face, before turning her head again to stare at the ceiling.

“What’s going on?” asked the blonde next to her, this time raising her head to look at her girlfriend in the obscurity.

“Nothing.” Lexa retorted almost automatically.

Clarke seemed not to believe her, because she raised her upper body and stared at the brunette expectantly. She waited a moment, and when she realized Lexa wasn’t going to talk, she spoke for her.

“You can’t sleep, can you?”

Lexa only hummed in response. She didn’t want to talk about it with Clarke. The girl had suffered enough from the consequences of telling her parents she was with her. She didn’t deserve to bear Lexa’s fears on her shoulders. Plus, it was nothing the brunette couldn’t bear by herself.

“You’re going to do great, babe.” The blonde stated, caressing her cheek softly. “You’re an amazing player, and even if it’s not enough to win tomorrow, it’ll be enough to win next year and the next one again.” She placed her hand on the brunette’s stomach and moved slightly to depose a soft kiss on her best friend’s forehead. “Don’t worry babe.”

These words made Lexa’s mind drift to a conversation she had with her girlfriend after what had happened with Bellamy on Octavia’s birthday. After everything they’d been through, Clarke insisted on speaking up their mind and communicate more. She said they needed to stop hiding things to each other, especially about what they felt. So now that Clarke started to soothe her worry, Lexa knew she had to express her emotions, even if she would have preferred not to.

“It’s not that. I…” she interrupted herself. Telling what she felt had never been Lexa’s strong point. She was better at keeping it to herself, even if she had to suffer her whole life from it, but she had told Clarke she would talk more. Even though the line between being best friends and girlfriends was blurred between them, she knew she had made an effort to ensure their relationship was solid enough.

“You?”

“I’m afraid about our families, their reactions about us and all, you know?” the soccer player blurred out quickly.

“Oh.” Clarke moved on her back, mimicking Lexa’s position on the bed. After a moment of silence, Clarke broke it to speak up. “I’m afraid too.”

Clarke’s answer stunned Lexa. It never occurred to her that her best friend could be afraid too, especially when she was the one saying everything would be fine a day ago. They stayed in silence, their breathing only betraying each other’s consciousness.

“I think it’s going to be fine though.” Clarke stated, turning herself to look at her girlfriend again. “I love you, and I know these feelings won’t disappear, even if it becomes complicated for us.”

Lexa turned on her side so that she could face Clarke. “I love you too, but it would be great if they didn’t freak out about it.”

“Yeah, of course it would.” Clarke smiled softly.

The sigh of Clarke on her side, looking at her so lovingly, brought a warm wave in Lexa’s chest. She started to caress the blonde’s face slowly, her fingers traveling on it as if she wanted to distinguish her features with her touch. They both sighed at the prospect of the unknown, but the feeling of being with each other reassured them. Clarke enjoyed Lexa’s ministration for a few minutes before breaking the silence.

“I know something that could help you falling asleep you know?” the blonde wriggled her brows in the night, even though she wasn’t sure the brunette could see her.

Lexa chuckled lightly, looking fondly at her girlfriend while biting her bottom lip. “Oh yeah?”

“Yes, just give me a minute.” She moved over the brunette, not without fumbling with the covers though, and lowered her body on hers. “I’m gonna take care of my favorite bottom.” She whispered into the brunette’s ear and nipped at it immediately after.

Lexa hold back a moan and pushed her girlfriend a bit, until she could catch sight of her face. “I’m not a bottom! I’m a top.” she exclaimed, a bit too loud for the hour, but none of the girls could find themselves to care.

“Of course you are.” Clarke said with a smirk, resuming her previous ministration on the tiny ear. “My big bad bottom, oops I wanted to say top.” She laughed, her mouth trembling against Lexas.

They exchanged a few heated kisses before Clarke’s hands started exploring Lexa’s body. The brunette moaned at the touches, but stopped her girlfriend as she was going to go lower. She took her face with her hands and made her look at her, a small satisfied smile on her lips.

“I’m ready to fight for us.” She stated in the night.

Even though she knew that technically her best friend couldn’t see her face in the dark, she could sense her look on her. At the moment, she knew that the solemn promise was something Clarke needed intensely, even if she didn’t ask for it. As expected, the statement made Clarke grin, and the blonde pecked Lexa a last time before making her way to the place she needed her the most.

 

***

Clarke woke up in an empty bed that day. She knew Lexa had to go to the stadium to prepare herself for the game with her coach and team, but she couldn’t help being disappointed not to have been able to talk to her this morning. She enjoyed the feeling of being sore for a moment; last night with Lexa had been amazing, and she couldn’t find the slightest ounce of culpability not to have left the brunette rest before her game. She stirred in the bed, laying on it like a starfish, and checked the hour on her phone. She smiled at the wallpaper of the device: it was an assembly of two pictures of her and Lexa making funny faces when they were young and when they went to a bar this year. Her heart beat at the two pictures, knowing how much they had grown up and how she was willing to share even more with her best friend, now lover.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a text from Octavia telling her she had to hurry up if she wanted to see her girlfriend’s warming up. Clarke jumped out of the bed at the text, because additionally to being willing to see Lexa sweating, she knew she had to meet her parents and Lexas before the beginning of the game in order to sit with them. She quickly got dressed, putting only a jean and a top on her before leaving the dorm, not without putting on a vest with WOODS written in big bold letters on the back. On her way to the stadium, she felt her inside cringe, as if her stomach was being twisted and moved. She tried to relax, but couldn’t help feeling like she was going to throw up in the near minutes. The thoughts of seeing her parents and Lexas after their confession was giving her cold sweat, but she couldn’t go back to her dorm and lock herself in it, since her dad just had sent her a text telling her they were waiting at the meeting point.

She walked toward the stadium’s side, making her way through the crowd to catch up with the adults she knew were waiting for her. The first thing she saw was Lexa’s father, Gustus, the tallest of all the people around. Clarke felt her heart skipping a beat at the vision of him, but then she saw her own father, and as if it was by instinct, he looked in her direction at the same time. It took him maybe a second to smile widely and extend his arms for Clarke to jump in, which she did almost immediately. She could feel Gustus and Aïcha’s looks on her, while her mother was standing beside her and rubbing her back smoothly.

Her father put her back on the ground, and Clarke didn’t have time to breathe that her mother was already hugging her tightly.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” She whispered back in her mother’s ear.

She looked above her mother’s shoulder to see Lexa’s parents looking at her with a soft smile. The second her mother released her, she was in Gustus and Aïcha’s arms for a hug. She knew they weren’t exactly fond of physical display of affection, but she couldn’t care less at the moment. All the weight of her worries was removed from her stomach, and the girl couldn’t feel happier about it. She released the two of them and turned over, ready to lead them to their seats. However, what she didn’t expect was a tiny hand to find hers on her side. She looked downward to see her little brother Aden standing sheepishly behind her leg and clearly asking for a hug. The blonde took her brother in her arms, not bothering for his weight, and peppered kisses all over his face. After that, she kept him in her arms and started walking the small group to the bleachers.

They joined all of their friends and sat with them. They all started to talk animatedly about something Clarke didn’t care about, because her whole focus was on Lexa. The warming up was almost done and the game was going to start in the near minutes. She was so into her girlfriend that when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she immediately jumped from her seat. She turned over to see Lexa’s uncle Nyko with his daughter Anya beside him.

“It’s good to see you, Clarkey!” the man exclaimed with a beaming smile. “You came to see Lexa, right?” he asked, already knowing the answer, and with a grin took her in for a hug.

Unlike Gustus and Aïcha, he didn’t mind showing affection in public, especially when it was with his niece’s girlfriend. Clarke's only response was a sarcastic chuckle and look at Anya, who was staring at something behind her. Clarke looked above her shoulder to see that her gaze was directed to Raven, who was loudly cheering Lexa’s team. The blonde looked back at Nyko, who looked knowingly at her before smiling softly at his daughter. The two of them went to sit in the row of seats behind their group, and they  hadn't reached free seats that Raven was already speaking with them, making Nyko laugh and Anya smile widely.

After that, Clarke’s attention was back on the game, which had started a few minutes ago. Lexa already had the ball and was running her way through the field. She passed it to Harper to avoid two defenders and ran quickly toward the goal. Harper seemed to immediately understand what the brunette wanted to do and sent her the ball, which she controlled with her chest and threw in the direction of the goal. The whole stadium became silent, everybody looking at the ball and keeper to see if whether or not Lexa would score the first goal of the game just after a few minutes. The keeper tried to stop it, but the angle and speed didn’t allow her to. The whole stadium erupted in screams of joy. Clarke jumped on the spot and looked at Lexa’s celebration. Her whole team was jumping on her, including Harper, which Clarke couldn’t help being displeased by it. However, the feeling didn’t last too long, as Lexa was looking at her in the bleachers with a wide smile. 

 

***

After the game, that Lexa’s team won 3-1, the whole group decided to go to the parking lot to wait for Lexa. Clarke would have liked to separate from them and make her way to the locker-room where she knew her girlfriend was, but she feared seeing coach Indra after what the woman had witnessed. Plus, she didn’t really know if Lexa’s parents were okay about her relationship with their daughter. They didn’t act strange with her, but she wasn't absolutely sure of it, so she opted for keeping a low profile. They were all talking loudly about the game when the brunette came into view. She had changed and her hair were still wet, but it didn’t seem to bother her parents, as they took her in a tight hug the moment she got within easy reach.

“We’re so proud of you.” They told her with a big smile.

“Both of you.” Aïcha corrected, with a smile directed at Clarke.

She squeezed her daughter in her arms and released her a handful of seconds later. Lexa turned around to look at Clarke, who was playing with her fingers as she didn’t know what to do with them. The blonde smiled sheepishly, not knowing if taking Lexa in her arms would be uncalled-for. She was pondering the decision in her head when she felt her father putting his hand on her shoulder.

“You can kiss your girlfriend you know, I think she deserved it.” He whispered in her ear.

She looked up at him, then at Lexa, and her heart started beating erratically in her chest. She walked slowly toward the brunette, who was looking at her with a small grin, and took her in her arms before kissing her softly on the lips. The world blurred around the two girlfriends, and it was only when Jake exclaimed: “Let’s celebrate this union!” that they both realized where they were.

“Dad we’re not married!” Clarke sighed with a smile.

“For now.” Aïcha retorted immediately.

Clarke and Lexa turned their heads toward Aïcha. They couldn’t hide the surprise that was plastered on their faces, and they did try.

“Yeah, you should hurry up, we want grandchildren.” Abby added, supporting the woman.

“What?!” Lexa exclaimed, her eyes almost dropping from their orbits.

“Alexandria Woods, you heard well.” Lexa’s mother stated sternly, making the soccer player cringe at the name.

Abby nodded toward Clarke and laced her arm with Lexa’s mothers. The two girls looked dumbly at their mothers walking toward their cars.

“I told you we shouldn’t have told them.” Lexa said narrowing her eyes.

Clarke shoved Lexa on her shoulder. “Shut up Alexandria.” she retorted with a smirk.

“Are you sure of it Clarkey?” Lexa replied, emphasizing the nickname knowingly.

“How do you… Raven!”

The blonde looked at the raven-haired girl, who was laughing at the interaction, and made a move toward her, but Lexa stopped her by pulling her back against her. She wriggled from the grip the brunette had on her, but stopped when she realized she would never have the upper hand over her girlfriend. Lexa chuckled at the try though, and after a few seconds the blonde let herself be embraced by the girl. The brunette breathed in Clarke’s scent as if she was discovering it for the first time, appreciating every slight shade of it, and moved her head until her mouth was a few centimeters away from her best friend's ear.

“I love you.” she whispered softly.

Clarke looked back at Lexa, _her_ Lexa, her heart beating in her throat at the sight of the brunette behind her. She gazed at the green eyes she loved so much, and at this moment she knew she would do anything in her power to spend her life with Lexa. She didn’t know how she could have been so blind this whole time, but she knew now that nobody would ever make her feel like Lexa did. They shared so much experiences and adventures together, and the blonde was more than ready to experiment even more with the brunette, wedding included. She smiled to herself at the thought, willing to say to the brunette how much she was ready for the next step.

However, she only answered: “I love you too.” and the spark her statement provoked in her best friend’s eyes was enough to tell her she wasn’t the only one who was thinking of it.


End file.
